10 Ways to Buy Hillary Clinton

I don't like Hillary Clinton. But I also don't dislike Hillary Clinton. I just find her a little annoying. I do think she is definitely someone who makes the run for the 2008 Elections more fun to watch and follow.

A friend of mine mentioned recently that she liked Hillary because she's not someone you can buy. Well, I was not convinced that was true... so I did a little research.

My meticulous research leads me to conclude that Hillary Clinton can easily be bought and frankly, bought for very cheap. I am sure many will try to argue that unlike many other politician, this is not true of Hillary. Well, I have the indisputable proof to share with you.

Here are the Top Ten of the Many Ways Hillary Clinton Can Be Bought:

1. Pee on Hillary Urinal Screen

Ever feel like pissing on Hillary's face? With the "Vanishing Hillary Clinton Urinal Screen", any "American male can do his part" to take out Hillary Clinton. The urinal screen uses a patented process where the image vanishes when heated, but "like a bad penny, is quickly restored by simply flushing". The vendor for the urinal screen says "Trust us after using this you'll feel relieved. This unique novelty item can be taken to work and shared with your friends. Surprise your co-workers, watch morale and marksmanship soar...But wait! This isn't just for male customers. You ladies can also use this as a deodorizer for you car. The fresh cherry scent is long lasting, and when placed in the sun," Hillary Clinton vanishes. (Buy Hillary Clinton)

2. Flaming Liberal Fire Starter - Hillary Clinton

Ever feel like watching Hillary go up in flames? The vendor for this Fire Starter says: "The Flaming Liberal Fire Starter is a standard functional fire starter decorated to make it much more entertaining to use.... The Flaming Liberal comes packaged in a lovely and very funny display box, with testimonials and product information on the box. CAUTION: Please ensure that you have a firm grip on your wallet or purse before releasing liberal from box!" (Buy Hillary Clinton)

3. Hillary Diet Hot Sauce

Ever wondered what Hillary tastes like? The Hillary's Diet Sauce is a spicy hot sauce that comes in a 5 oz bottle emblazoned with the image of Hillary. According to the vendor, it's "for use in place of health insurance because this is all she is going to leave you with! Just Imagine Hillary Clinton as President!" (Buy Hillary Clinton)

4. Hillary Clinton Egg Separator

Ever wish Hillary would do a better job of keeping her nose clean? An egg separator is a cooking tool that helps you separate the yolk out from the whites. To use this egg separator, the vendor for the egg separator says you just "empty the contents of a raw egg into the hole in Hillary's head, and the egg whites pour out of her nostrils, while the yolk remains inside (there's plenty of space in there)." The image of Hillary with pale runny liquid dripping from her nose is funny for people who appreciate infantile humor, like me. (Buy Hillary Clinton)

5. The Two Faces of Hillary Clinton Quarter

Ever want to have Hillary in your pocket? The Hillary Clinton Commemorative Quarter has two sides to reflect "the two sides of Hillary". The vendor for this commemorative coin says "When you flip it over, she goes from a sweet princess to an old hag." (Buy Hillary Clinton)

6. Queen Hillary Money

Ever wish Hillary came up with the money before she spends it? It's easy with Hillary Money. In creating the money for the Queendom of Hillary, the vendor for these bills apparently thought a lot about what the money for Queen Hillary should say. They came up with the following:

Text on Front of Bill: Hysterical Reserve NoteLike Hillary's Candidacy This Bill Is 100% Bogus 00ABAD14DUSA I Said Bow Down The Feminist States of America

Text on Back of Bill: The Apprehensive States of AmericaRally Round the Bag Girls Hillary the Hun

(Buy Hillary Clinton )

7. Hillary Clinton Pet Chew Toy

Ever wish you could throw Hillary to the dogs? Vendor for this chew toy says "Hillary Clinton - former First Lady, Current New York Senator and now she's running for president in 2008! Has she thrown herself to the dogs? This vinyl chew toy is a way to settle Hillary's political fate once and for all. Let the canine voters have sniff out her policies! They'll love her!" (I realize this product pitch by the vendor makes little sense but I thought it was funny anyway.) (Buy Hillary Clinton ) Another vendor who makes a little more sense says "Think the NY Senator is more interested in Campaign 2008 than NY State? Toss her (likeness) to your dog! Seeing your dog happily drag this personality around the garden will harmlessly satisfy your ire. (You could write a letter to the editor, but this is more fun!)" (Buy Hillary Clinton)

8. Hillary Clinton Stress Reliever Toy

Ever want to make Hillary's head pop off? This stress toy with a removable squeezable head is for "Ooey Gooey Stress Relief for Politically Stressful Times". The vendor for this stress toy says "When politicians strain their constituency to the breaking point, only one vehicle provides effective relief: the squishy stress ball. With this Goo Bah Stress Toy, you can lift the head off its stout polyresin body and squeeze to your little heart's content. Our Political Stress Balls measure 5" tall, come packaged in a sturdy clamshell, and are perfect for politically stressful times-- which are really all times. Be you a Democrat or a Republican, we have a Goo Bah for your political stress." (Buy Hillary Clinton)

9. Hillary Clinton Voodoo Kit

Ever wish you could control Hillary? Maybe with a little Black Magic, you can. The Hillary Clinton Voodoo Kit contains the Hillary look-alike Voodoo Doll and Magic Voodoo Pins along with an instruction booklet explaining how to control Hillary. The vendor for this vodoo doll kit says "Hate. Fear. Wonder. Even the occasional odd pang of lust (you know who you are).Yes, everybody seems to feel strongly about Hillary Clinton. But is anybody actually doing anything about her? Now you can wield influence over Hillary Clinton in a way her party or Bill never have with the Hillary Clinton Voodoo Kit! The kit contains a 56 page book complete with real spells suitable for any political occasion... Don't wait until the New Hampshire Primary - start disrupting her campaign now!" (Buy Hillary Clinton)

10. Hillary Clinton Toilet Paper

Ever want to wipe your @ss with Hillary Clinton's face? The Hillary Clinton Toilet Paper is a package of four rolls of toilet paper conveniently printed with face of Hillary Clinton. The vendor for this toilet paper says "Here she is, the former first lady Hilary Clinton. I hear there is some major hate going on here so why not express it with this image printed on toilet paper." I personally think the Hillary Toilet Paper is a great idea as it symbolizes the fact that she is the perfect person to clean up all the cr@p in Washington. What do you think? (Buy Hillary Clinton )

11. Crack Nuts with Hillary Clinton Nut Cracker (Bonus Update)

You can crack nuts like Hillary, the nut cracker, with this actual nut cracker. The merchant calls this "Absolutely Nutes". I just found this so I decided to update my 10 Ways with 11 Ways. (Hillary Clinton )

Well, I hope you are not too badly shaken by the reality of how easily Hillary Clinton can be bought. Interestingly, Obama seems a bit more difficult to buy so far.

* * * * *

If you like this article, I'd very much appreciate your emailing a link to this article to your favorite political website or friend....maybe perhaps even the evening news. I think it's pretty newsworthy that Hillary can be so easily bought, don't you?

Also, please vote for this article on Digg, Stumble and deli.cio.us, and all the other sharing site you like, so that I can become famous and rich off of this article and afford to buy all of my friends some Hillary Toilet Paper.

Amused and Bemused
Featured Blogger
InventorSpot.com

If you are seeing this article from a link, please come and check out all the cool and funny inventions we have at InventorSpot.com.