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Dating sucks. It does! Unless you are totally hot, with endless amounts of cash and a decent personality, finding a fun person that you want to be with is hard and sometime laborious work. It's not just meeting people that's hard, it the culling process that's challenging.

One of the most stressful aspects of dating when you have seen someone a few times and realized that it's going no where but your clueless date hangs on for dear life like you're Brad Pitt. You really don't want to have the "It's me" conversation but the stupid thing just won't die. What do you do?

Well, I think I have some ingenious solutions for you to consier. I have found a few items that you can wear to quickly accelerate the death of your non-relationship. Come on, you know that shelling out a few bucks is totally worth it if you don't have to say anything and they just go away.

Here's my pick for 10 ways to turn off your date, with some choice marketing language from their vendors. If you wear one of these and your date does not quickly disappear, I suggest you hurry and take out a restraining order and change your telephone number, cuz you got yourself a big problem:

10. Atari Video Game Control Belt Buckle

Wear this atari video game control belt buckle and make sure to lovingly caress it all night. Tell your date that you are a gamer addict and need to have the controls really close to you at all times.

"Once brushed off as merely a myth in the video game world, the long rumored, much talked about... Buckle is now available to grace your pants. Yes, it's a real ...controller, yes, its a real belt buckle, and yes, it will actually hold up your trousers....The Atari controller is something that should never have been turned into a belt buckle. For this reason, we had to make it." See it here.

9. Skinned Fur Bikini

This item only works if you do not look good in a bikini. If you look hot, the non-relationship will be even more difficult to kill. If you look better covered up, then wear this bikini to the next public date you have...think of going bowling or to the pool hall and tell him how much you love clothes that express the real you. Make sure you order the extra small so that things that shouldn't be showing are there in full display. Think really high flesh to fur ratio.

"Made of real fur." See it here.

 

 

 

 

8. Sheep Lover Apron

Suggest you cook her dinner. When she comes over and mentions the apron, look at her with an intense eerie stare, pausing for a minute efore quietly tellinhg her that it's your favorite apron and it's really perfect as you really love sheep. Tell her you used to work in a sheep ranch for the summer in college. Share with her your views that the most important thing is to love, not necessarily who you love. Talk about the bigotry in America, the bias against gays, the bias against pedophiles and animal lover and how wrong it is to be judgmental. That you believe that in time, as people become more open minded and less puritanical, society will come to accept all types of relationships.

"The perfect gift for: real animal lovers." See it here.

 

7. Yarmulke Bra

Surround and bury your whole house with yarmulke and prayer scarves and say that you have an attraction to nice Jewish boys. Tell him that each yarmulke represents an old boyfriend and the ones you are wearing represent your first lover, who you will never forget. Talk about how each date has had a profound impact on you and that you had a hard time separating from them. Talk about how each one left you but you never let them forget you. How after you broke up, you still went to see them, and leave notes for them and their new b*tch girlfriends (who deserve to die), how you knew you shouldn't have done some of the things you did to their cars and homes but you were angry and they deserved it anyway. Look intensely at your date and ask "you'll never leave me, right"?

"Inspired by the MC Paul Barman lyric, "I couldn't stay calm because/ she revealed a bra made of two yarmulkes," designer KS turns the fantasy into a reality. ...All bras are one of a kind. The Yarmulkes themselves are imported from Israel and are individual works of art." See it here.

 

6. Animal Head Skateboarding Helmet

There are a lot of goofy hats out there, so you need to wear this the right way. Tell them that you are a member of PETA, get as many facts as you can absorb and spend the whole date talking about how mankind is devastating the wildlife with its relentless pursuit of the dollar. Make sure to not allow the conversation all evening to be on anything other than endangered animals. Make sure you get the hat for your date and insist that they wear it too in order to focus attention on the plight of the zebra. Talk excitedly about how fun it will be when they join you for your monthly protests at the local movie theatre.

"How to Get an Animal Head Without Hunting" - "wearable endangered creatures... made with a skateboarding helmet...comfortable, lightweight wearable animal sculptures." See it here.

5. Light Up Billboard Message Bra

Wear this bra with some extra padding in the bra so you are really hanging out. Pair the bra with a tight red set of skin-tight pants and hot heels and go to the bar with him. Put up the message "I'm easy" and put it on flash. Talk really loudly about how men are really attracted to you and you always have a hard time attracting they right type of guy who's interested in more than one thing with you. Talk about how tiresome it is to have all the men always staring at you and you so appreciate your date for being able to see the real you behind the attractive appearance. Pretend to get drunk and on your way back from the bathroom, flaunt yourself to every man in the bar and ask them if they think you are hot. Act very very desperate and completely ignore your date.[adsense:120x240:1:1]

"Light-up bras make a popular addition to any outfit, and will definitely bring you attention! Most of our bras are powered by a single 9V battery that can be hidden in a pocket under the arm or inside the cup. An easy-access on/off switch lets you choose between light and dark, as needed. "See it here.

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