10 Funny And Bizarre Children's Toys That You Should Never Buy Your Kids
Children’s toys gone wrong, this is the stuff of nightmares. It’s unsettling when we come across toys that seem to cross our society’s wholesome boundaries, however, we can’t help but be a tad bit intrigued. Here are some toys that make you go “Hmmm…” Let’s dive in and I’ll explain as we go.
The title pretty much says it all. Meet Kong Suni, a popular doll in Korea that farts. While Americans view going to the bathroom and flatulence as a private and disgusting matter, other cultures find it cute. Kong Suni flushes smiling poo and also breaks wind when you push on her tummy.
That face. I don’t understand. Honestly, I’d love to be able to explain to you what this toy is exactly, but I've scoured the internet and couldn’t find a thing. All I know is this doll is part of some weird doll family of other odd characters, and that it has an anus.
In all honesty, I think this guy is pretty neat. Unzip Erwin’s stomach and pluck out his organs, he’s gruesome yet adorable. Erwin also makes for a great learning tool.
When you think of STDs, I doubt adjectives like “cute” and “cuddly” cross your mind. Giant Microbes sells several different plushies, but their herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea plushies are most definitely not your average stuffed toy. I wouldn’t want to take these guys to bed.
Buy your herpes here!
Check out other ways to Traumatize Your Children with Giant Microbe Germs.
While we’re on the topic of inappropriate stuffed toys, meet Stinky Poo and T.P. Although I’m sure you’re familiar with fecal matter and soiled toilet paper, I doubt you’ve ever been tempted to snuggle them. But if you were, you can get your own set here.
Check out more Poop and Crap Products on InventorSpot.
When you give Yume Chan a shot, she cries real water tears. A doll that cries makes me shudder, but a doll that cries because you’re sticking a needle in her puts me at a loss for words. I don’t recommend this toy before your child’s next appointment for shots.
7. Bratz Babyz
The hugely popular doll manufacturer Bratz has come out with “Bratz Babyz,” and if the spelling weren’t bad enough, these “Babyz” look like strippers. Yes, meet Twinz Roxxi and Phoebe, some of the only babies you will ever see donning the combination of lipstick, leather, fur, and an animal print bikini. Buy these Twinz here.
8. Mamamor Birthing Dolls
How about a doll that gives birth. Graphically.
Okay, I have to give this doll some kudos. What I first thought to be a children's toy (and could be still if you wanted to terrify your child) is meant to be a teaching tool for doctors and doulas, etc. These birthing dolls made by Mamamor come in several different styles and look beautiful. Mamamor Birthing Dolls demonstrate the birthing process, umbilical cord and all.
And then there's this. Your child's very own Adolf Hitler action figure. I don't think I need to explain this one, but if for some reason you feel you absolutely must purchase one, Hitler can be found on Amazon here.
10. Avenging Unicorn
How many times have you thought to yourself, "Gee, I'd really like to impale someone with a unicorn"? Well now you can with the Avenging Unicorn Playset. The Avenging Unicorn Playset comes with one unicorn, four interchangeable unicorn horns: Pearlescent, Chrome, Glow, and Spiral, and three action figures of your choosing to skewer: New Age Lady, Mime, and Arrogant Businessman.
Go forth and follow the Unicorn Code: 1) Unicorns never lie 2) Unicorns always lend a helping hand 3) Unicorns are loyal 4) Unicorns can keep a secret 5) Unicorns don't use drugs.
Get yours here (I know I'm going to).
And that's all the dysfunction I can offer you today. Make sure to put a few of these on your next Baby Shower shopping list.