10 Best Gifts For Your Dumbest Friends
Okay, so maybe you don't have any dumb friends. Maybe the only dumb people you know are relatives or people at work. Either way, dumb is dumb, and sometimes you just can't believe you are giving them gifts at all. But it's a family Christmas party or one of those office parties where you pick a name and the one you got is the biggest jerk in the whole place.... You can probably find just the right gift for her or him him pretty cheaply right here.
(Note: Guys and gals share the title of dumb friends just about equally, but I'm not using awkward his/her illustrations. For this article, the dumb ones will be of the male persuasion.)
The LED Ear Light
This is one of those gadgets that folks think about when they're stoned. Then they wake up the next day and shake their heads. But it looks like the makers of the LED Ear Light never went to sleep. The LED Ear Light is advertised mostly for reading as the beam is very narrow. Every time you move your head, even a little bit... to yawn, keep time with your music, or just stretch your neck, the light moves up and down or side to side on the page. Your eyes can stay fixed on the page, but your ear has to move with your head. Get my drift?
Marriage Refrigerator Magnet
Have a buddy who's engaged to a gold digger? Let him know how dumb he is with this subtle International Symbol for Marriage refrigerator magnet. At PrankPlace.com .
The Inverted Bookshelf
This is a project gift, and the project is for you, the giver, to make. If you're a DIYer, that meets the first condition. The second condition is that you need access to the recipient's apartment or room when the recipient is going to be out for as long as it takes you to do the project. All the instructions are on Instructables.com, so you just need to purchase the materials. This is a super gift for a college roommate or dumb brother or sister.
Asshole Award Toilet Paper
Yes, you do know at least one asshole you can give this award! The folks at Jeremy Inc.com will print your buddy's photo or any photo you want to put on a nice roll of Charmin toilet paper... right in the middle of this Asshole Award Toilet Paper. Make sure you read the Q&A section on the site before purchasing.
Talking Toilet Paper Roll
Imagine what your dumb friend will do when he hears your voice while he's sitting on the toilet! Yes, you get to record whatever you want on this talking roll as long as it's not longer than six seconds. That's enough to put a fright into someone, don't worry. The Talking Toilet Paper Roll will play your message every time it senses the movement of paper on the roll. You need to have access to your recipient's bathroom in order to get the desired effect.
Corn Dog Air Freshener
'Cause any smell is better than his. Does his chair stink? Does she wear too much perfume or never wash her hair? The Corn Dog Air Freshener smells like spicy mustard... pretty funky.
Dress For Dinner Napkins
This dumb friend is also a slob. He doesn't even own a tie, so you're either dropping a really big hint or, if he's too dumb to get it, you're making him presentable for 20 occasions. Dress for Dinner Napkins at Amazon.
What is this, national flashlight year? Are people paid to put lights in everything. Here is a wallet-ready Flashlight Flashcard your dumb friend can flash when the maître d' doesn't recognize the name on his American Express card.
Nose Pencil Sharpener
Nosey dumb friends are some of the worst, though dumb is all pretty bad. This person could easily be a co-worker. Always asking personal questions, always wanting to know what the boss said to you, your salary... this person needs to take a hint. Give him the Nose Pencil Sharpener and see if he gets it.
Control A Woman Remote Always bragging about his imaginary conquests, this dumb friend needs something to enhance his powers... the Remote Control A Woman. Let him think you really believe his BS, by giving him this wish list of buttons... ones for give me beer, sex, food; then stop nagging, moaning, whining; and turn off the PMS, calm down, hurry up, and many more. Tell him just to push his wishful thinking button while pointing the remote at his woman and his wishes will come true but only if he has the right touch.
It's a good thing there are people who will love all these dumb gadgets.