10 Completely New Ways to Turn a Woman On
You men out there who want some helpful new hints for turning a woman on have come to the right place. I cannot speak for all, but as a woman I know something about how a man can get me going. In this article I have incorporated some simple new ways using inventive products to get the woman in your life to start looking your way. If your old tricks don't seem to be doing the job, give these new ideas a whirl!
1) Old Way: Bring Her Flowers That Will Die
New Way: Bring Her Ipod Flowers That Go On and Off
I used to think of flowers as a waste. I actually told my husband not to frivolously throw his money away on them. Somewhere along the way I realized how nice they actually are to have around. They add an aesthetic appeal to any room and the fragrance can cover up even the foulest of odors erupting from the kitchen trash bins. Not all women may feel this way. After all, there is a major flaw to this gift: they only last about a week if you're lucky! For the floral naysayer, there is the new MiFlower to hold her beloved MP3 player. This captivating invention will cradle her main music device while performing responsive acts to the tunes. The MiFlower sways, smiles and scintillates in acknowledgement of her musical choices.
2) Old Way: Give Her Something Cute And Cuddly
New Way: Give Her Something HOT and Cuddly
I love a little snuggling time with my husband, but sometimes his invasion of my bed space when I am trying to catch some zzz's really drives me crazy. By morning time, in an effort to escape his thousand degrees of body heat, I find myself precariously close to the edge of the bed after my all night escape-capades. I love to snuggle up with him, for sure, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much. I am positive there are many ladies out there with the same complaint. Give the woman in your life an alternative snuggle buddy. With the Hot Teddy, she will have something soft and cuddly to warm up to without being overwhelmed by your sheer mass. And back it off a bit, bub. Accommodate her space needs for a change.
3) Old Way: Guess Which Wine Goes Great With Pizza
New Way: Instantly Be a Wine Expert
The benefits to choosing a nice wine to go along with your meal is that you can show her that you possess a fine wine-picking knack and, as well, you can cloud her judgment a little in the process to really convince her that you are a true catch! For those simple guys out there, you can easily pick out the obvious wine to match up to that take-out pizza you brought home for dinner. You may not want to show her the slightly classless bottle, so bring her in the chilled glass of Pizza Vino. This innovative new product will effortlessly ease you through one less decision while perfectly pairing up booze to food.
4) Old Way: Give Her Chocolates That Make Her Fat
New Way: Give Her Chocolates That Make Her PRETTY
Who still believes that chocolate consumption can actually cause acne break-outs? An innovative new chocolate delicacy dispels any notion by supposedly preemptively clearing up the skin while providing a tasty treat for your loved one. This new skin-clearing chocolate bar is made of velvety dark chocolate and contains clarification properties that will actually remove any redness and irritation caused by pesky pimples. Of course your lovely lady wears no such lesions on her clear mug, but every gal could use that extra boost.
5) Old Way: Reach For Her Hand to Get Closer
New Way: Reach For Her BUTT to Get Closer
Sometimes standing next to someone just isn't enough. You want to get even closer, closer and closer yet. To reach optimal closeness with the woman in your life, look to Fundies, the underwear built for two. Who knew tidy whities could be quite this much fun? This inventive pair of virtually nonfunctional undergarments provides room for both of you to see what kind of trouble you can get into with that much closeness. Even though Fundies are marketed as a gag gift, you could certainly use them as a symbolic gesture to let her know your true desires for supreme closeness. But really, won't it be fun to actually try them out, too!?