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10 Completely New Ways to Turn a Woman On

You men out there who want some helpful new hints for turning a woman on have come to the right place. I cannot speak for all, but as a woman I know something about how a man can get me going. In this article I have incorporated some simple new ways using inventive products to get the woman in your life to start looking your way. If your old tricks don't seem to be doing the job, give these new ideas a whirl!


1) Old Way: Bring Her Flowers That Will Die

New Way: Bring Her Ipod Flowers That Go On and Off

MiFlowerMiFlower


I used to think of flowers as a waste. I actually told my husband not to frivolously throw his money away on them. Somewhere along the way I realized how nice they actually are to have around. They add an aesthetic appeal to any room and the fragrance can cover up even the foulest of odors erupting from the kitchen trash bins. Not all women may feel this way. After all, there is a major flaw to this gift: they only last about a week if you're lucky! For the floral naysayer, there is the new MiFlower to hold her beloved MP3 player. This captivating invention will cradle her main music device while performing responsive acts to the tunes. The MiFlower sways, smiles and scintillates in acknowledgement of her musical choices.


2) Old Way: Give Her Something Cute And Cuddly

New Way: Give Her Something HOT and Cuddly

Hot TeddyHot Teddy

I love a little snuggling time with my husband, but sometimes his invasion of my bed space when I am trying to catch some zzz's really drives me crazy. By morning time, in an effort to escape his thousand degrees of body heat, I find myself precariously close to the edge of the bed after my all night escape-capades. I love to snuggle up with him, for sure, but sometimes it gets to be a bit much. I am positive there are many ladies out there with the same complaint. Give the woman in your life an alternative snuggle buddy. With the Hot Teddy, she will have something soft and cuddly to warm up to without being overwhelmed by your sheer mass. And back it off a bit, bub. Accommodate her space needs for a change.


3) Old Way: Guess Which Wine Goes Great With Pizza
New Way: Instantly Be a Wine Expert

PizzaVinoPizzaVino


The benefits to choosing a nice wine to go along with your meal is that you can show her that you possess a fine wine-picking knack and, as well, you can cloud her judgment a little in the process to really convince her that you are a true catch! For those simple guys out there, you can easily pick out the obvious wine to match up to that take-out pizza you brought home for dinner. You may not want to show her the slightly classless bottle, so bring her in the chilled glass of Pizza Vino. This innovative new product will effortlessly ease you through one less decision while perfectly pairing up booze to food.


4) Old Way: Give Her Chocolates That Make Her Fat
New Way: Give Her Chocolates That Make Her PRETTY

Skin-clearing Chocolate BarSkin-clearing Chocolate Bar


Who still believes that chocolate consumption can actually cause acne break-outs? An innovative new chocolate delicacy dispels any notion by supposedly preemptively clearing up the skin while providing a tasty treat for your loved one. This new skin-clearing chocolate bar is made of velvety dark chocolate and contains clarification properties that will actually remove any redness and irritation caused by pesky pimples. Of course your lovely lady wears no such lesions on her clear mug, but every gal could use that extra boost.


5) Old Way: Reach For Her Hand to Get Closer
New Way: Reach For Her BUTT to Get Closer

FundiesFundies


Sometimes standing next to someone just isn't enough. You want to get even closer, closer and closer yet. To reach optimal closeness with the woman in your life, look to Fundies, the underwear built for two. Who knew tidy whities could be quite this much fun? This inventive pair of virtually nonfunctional undergarments provides room for both of you to see what kind of trouble you can get into with that much closeness. Even though Fundies are marketed as a gag gift, you could certainly use them as a symbolic gesture to let her know your true desires for supreme closeness. But really, won't it be fun to actually try them out, too!?


Comments
Nov 8, 2006
by Say No to Crack (not verified)

Flowers!?

Wow, those are the craziest flowers I've ever seen! I'm not sure what I would do if someone gave them to me ... although i've heard the Fundies, are well ... fun.

Jun 27, 2007
by Annick (not verified)

Let's start this off by

Let's start this off by saying that I'm a woman. A lesbian, in fact. Now maybe it's different for us queers, but I would hate any of these gifts. This looks more like a list of bargain-bin adult superstore products than anything romantic. Let's go through the list...

1. I prefer real flowers. In fact, we both garden.

2. We like to cuddle in bed. She's much more comfy than some warm furry thing.

3. That's just... lacking. Part of being a connaisseur is learning what goes with what. Having a pizza on the bottle is like guessing C on a multiple choice test.

4. We already love dark chocolate and don't need to spend an exorbant amount of money on faux detoxifiers

5. I don't need fabric around my ass to get that close.

6. If I don't feel hot, I don't want a retouched picture that says "you need to be digitally enhanced to look hot"

7. Gummy bra... sticky and fake. After eating that much gummy, I'd be more in the mood for the bathroom than the bedroom.

8. It's BLING. Seriously. BLING !

9. I made her crêpes suzette on our first night together. Flaming crêpes just doesn't work in bed, especially when you're wearing a plastic bib. Not to mention that unless there's some sort of super crumb-attracting field on that bib, they're still going to spill everywhere.

10. Just because it comes in a case, doesn't make it classy.

Jan 2, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

Agrees with the lesbian

I'm a straight woman, but I find all of these gifts tacky. It is always "The thought that counts". Doesn't seem like someone thinks much of a woman, lesbian or otherwise if she receives some crap like this list! Give me 1/2 the money in flowers...daffodils, carnations or roses and the rest can be in a nice, candlelit dinner at home.

Feb 14, 2008
by David A Wright in love cadacus upgraded (not verified)

preparing to resocialize and cadacus dating prep repent and clea

I woke up about 8 years ago. I have been praying and meditating on how to be more loving and truthful in loveving since I began...

A woman seemed to invite me to visit her church. I am glad... I have so many prayer arrays for surviving all sorts of stuff that to interact with her and her church it seems it would take years of study.

I have a bunch of extriemly sensitive mirror prayer arrays going and struggle with something that seems to stalk... (a vibe like dudes in a maternal mother who are interested in the loadstone effect being theirs) I don't really believe that is true in love though and try to work it out likie it never happened.)

I struggle with some of the strategies of the stalk effect... interference with life patterns... the local supermarket seemed to have issues after a stalk temper tantrum... I pray to open something good up...

People and places that I visit sometimes have issues... does it look like me?

To prepare I made a large body of writing solutions and ministered them in letters... where did they go... stalk envy?

Funny inuendo's like i did or said things not real... funny attitudes about what I am like... from who? Stalk effects...

This is not really true in love. The truth in love is that ther is no stalker and I don't need to protect people who I try to interact with from a stalker... The father's house will take care of it when I am mature enough...

I won't belive that there would be a pootananny effect from a stalkder funking things up to say someone is too smelly to interfere with other relations... I won't believe that there would be an exaggeration with bias for people make speculative comments by a stalker... I won't belive that a stalker would try to retaliate for me or in my name and say one was too dangerous...

Mirrors and loving solutions.

David
in love
Daw language

Mar 5, 2008
by Anonymous

pie

pie is good

Sep 5, 2008
by Anonymous

sucks!!!!

what the fucking hell is all this shit!

Sep 6, 2008
by Anonymous

this is an ad

its pretty obvious that this is just an giant advertisment

Nov 30, 2008
by Anonymous

????

I AM A WOMAN AND I AM NOT SO SURE THAT THIS WILL WORK. SOME WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT AND LIKE OTHER THINGS. I LOVE SIMPLE STUFF....NOTHING TOO GLAM OR HIGH PRICED. I LOVE SOMETHING THAT SAYS 'I KNOW YOU'. IF HE KNOWS I LOVE FLOWERS AND DINNER, THEN THATS WHAT HE SHOULD DO; IF HE KNOWS I WANT TO WATCH THE FOOTBALL GAMES AND HAVE A FAVORITE TEAM...MAYBE HE'LL BUY ME TICKETS TO GO SEE A GAME. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME SO HAVING A LIST THAT IS SUPPOSED TO FIT ALL WOMEN IS STUPID. IM NOT AT ALL KINKY AND WOULD HATE TO WEAR A GUMMY BRA...ON THE OTHER HAND I LOVE GUMMY CANDY,SO JUST GET ME A BAG OF CANDY AND A SEXY BRA.... SIMPLE