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10 Of The World's Geekiest Outdoor Sports Gadgets And Garments


 

Geekiest Sports Gadget #5: Bike Helmet Bug Screen

The bike helmet BugScreen is a clear example of when a "solution" is much worse than a problem. The perceived problem: bugs flying into your face when you cycle. (Incidentally, in my 25 years of cycling and mountain biking experience, I've never once had this problem.) The solution, as proposed by GBNpro: staple a fencing mask to your face and look like the world's biggest tool. If that indeed is the solution, I'll eat a couple of bugs. They're good protein anyway. BTW--the beer cans and stale pastries that you'll get hit with if you actually put one of these on your helmet will hurt a lot worse than a little horsefly. 

 

Geekiest Sports Gadget #4:Chariot Skates

You know what's not going to bring back the trend of wheeled shoes a la the roller skates of the 70s and roller blades of the 90s? Attaching giant bicycle wheels to your feet. Yes, my friend, if you ever find yourself riding on these foot-cycles, well then you had better just roll yourself into the nearest garbage can before someone much bigger and angrier does it for you. Because, mark my words, they will.

 

 

Geekiest Sports Gadget #3: Bicycle Helmet Hats

As Saharan urban-commuting nomad above demonstrates beyond the slightest shadow of a doubt, putting a hat on top of a bicycle helmet doesn't look any more stylish than the helmet itself. Plus, it covers all the vents on an already hot, sweaty piece of headgear. Just admit it--the bicycle helmet is ugly and awkward, but your life is worth it. If you wear a hat on top of your helmet to make it look better, I'm not so sure your life is worth it. 

Note to bicycle accessory manufacturers: as you can see, the market is already pretty crowded with geeky cycling add-ons, so stop. Now.

 

 

Geekiest Sports Gadget #2: Pumgo Scooter

Watch the video above and just try not to get a little angry at these geektastic, glut-pumping excuses for humanity. I dare you. I don't even need to go into the flourescent yellow jacket and corporate scooter-hound because the Pumgo is just so lame of and in itself. And I still don't quite understand how the physical benefits of this leg-pumping scooter are any better than bicycling--it's pretty much the same damn motion. Only cycling isn't such a doltastic abomination (assuming you steer clear of some of the aforementioned entries). 

 

 Hey Honey, Can I get a sip from those hip nips?Hey Honey, Can I get a sip from those hip nips?

Geekiest Sports Gadget #1:Water Fanny Packs

Hey guy, just because it's holding water, you call it a waist pack and you're a big, important running star, doesn't mean that it stopped being a fanny pack--i.e. the geekiest piece of tourist clothing in the past 3,000 years. Wear a hydration pack, hold onto your water bottle or stuff a Polar Springs down your short shorts, but if you belt H20 around your mid-section, you look like a rube.

Originally published: July 2010

 
Comments
Aug 4, 2010
by Anonymous

Uni-tard

Those are bib shorts. Not a 'cycling unitard'.
It is meant to be worn with a jesery.

The reason it has suspenders is not having the waist dig into your sides after a 100 mile ride.

The one piece suits are called 'Skin Suits' to reduce drag while riding fast on the bike.

Please do a little research before writing another article. It shows your ignorance.

Aug 4, 2010
by Anonymous

Cranky

Sounds like a cranky old man wrote this opinion piece.

Where are you finding these awful writers InventorSpot?

Aug 4, 2010
by Chris Weiss

It's still a unitard

I realize they're called bib shorts officially, but they're still unitards. As far as being worn with a jersey, that's really up to the rider. I've seen plenty wear them without. And I realize those that actually wear them will point to all kinds of advantages, but they're still the geekiest piece of clothing ever. Period.

Aug 15, 2010
by Anonymous

Be positive!!

Sounds like a old and sick man. Sleeping in your bed is the best thing for you to do. There is nothing in this word can make every people happy. Be positive.

Dec 29, 2011
by Anonymous

not funny!

Let the bug screen aside, but actually most of these items are really useful. Clearly the author has no clue why. Sad.

Mar 29, 2012
by Anonymous

unitards?

Huh? Cycling Bibs are to shorts what the Mac is to computers. Rarely does anyone wear them without a jersey. After a nice ride, you can go swimming in them and look like one of those guys from the 1800's. That's plain cool.