Geekiest Sports Gadget #5: Bike Helmet Bug Screen
The bike helmet BugScreen
is a clear example of when a "solution" is much worse than a problem.
The perceived problem: bugs flying into your face when you cycle.
(Incidentally, in my 25 years of cycling and mountain biking
experience, I've never once had this problem.) The solution, as
proposed by GBNpro: staple a fencing mask to your face and look like
the world's biggest tool. If that indeed is the solution, I'll eat a
couple of bugs. They're good protein anyway. BTW--the beer cans and
stale pastries that you'll get hit with if you actually put one of
these on your helmet will hurt a lot worse than a little horsefly.
Geekiest Sports Gadget #4:Chariot Skates
know what's not going to bring back the trend of wheeled shoes a la the
roller skates of the 70s and roller blades of the 90s? Attaching giant bicycle wheels to your feet.
Yes, my friend, if you ever find yourself riding on these foot-cycles,
well then you had better just roll yourself into the nearest garbage
can before someone much bigger and angrier does it for you. Because,
mark my words, they will.
Geekiest Sports Gadget #3: Bicycle Helmet Hats
Saharan urban-commuting nomad above demonstrates beyond the slightest
shadow of a doubt, putting a hat on top of a bicycle helmet doesn't
look any more stylish than the helmet itself. Plus, it covers all the
vents on an already hot, sweaty piece of headgear. Just admit it--the
bicycle helmet is ugly and awkward, but your life is worth it. If you
wear a hat on top of your helmet to make it look better, I'm not so
sure your life is worth it.
Note to bicycle accessory
manufacturers: as you can see, the market is already pretty crowded
with geeky cycling add-ons, so stop. Now.
Geekiest Sports Gadget #2: Pumgo Scooter
the video above and just try not to get a little angry at these
geektastic, glut-pumping excuses for humanity. I dare you. I don't even
need to go into the flourescent yellow jacket and corporate
scooter-hound because the Pumgo
is just so lame of and in itself. And I still don't quite understand
how the physical benefits of this leg-pumping scooter are any better
than bicycling--it's pretty much the same damn motion. Only cycling
isn't such a doltastic abomination (assuming you steer clear of some of
the aforementioned entries).
Hey Honey, Can I get a sip from those hip nips?
Geekiest Sports Gadget #1:Water Fanny Packs
guy, just because it's holding water, you call it a waist pack and
you're a big, important running star, doesn't mean that it stopped
being a fanny pack--i.e. the geekiest piece of tourist clothing in the
past 3,000 years. Wear a hydration pack, hold onto your water bottle or
stuff a Polar Springs down your short shorts, but if you belt H20
around your mid-section, you look like a rube.