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12 Bizarre Hello Kitty Products That Sign The Coming Apocalypse

Hello Kitty is one of the strangest and most invasive icons in our entire world. Between little girls and old, single women, you can't avoid seeing her pink bow at malls across the globe and scattered on rear windshields throughout the U.S. But that's not the worst of it. The merchandising for the happiest kitty in the world has crossed the line from cutesy character to the harbinger of the apocalypse. These 15 products prove that the end is, indeed, nigh.

Special thanks to Kitty Hell for providing a wealth of information on the subject.

Hello Kitty Bombs

Ready to blow up the world in the sweetest way possible? Then maybe this Hello Kitty bomb will help send delightfully mixed message to your enemies as you kill them while blowing cutie kisses at them.

Hello Kitty Head Trophy

Mounting kitty sounds like a bad pornographic movie title, but these Hello Kitty mounts are anything but dirty. Instead, they are a delightfully evil way to show your disdain for the pink-bowed sweetheart.

Hello Kitty Jet

Looking to travel the world like a jet-setting Japanese cat? Then join EVA Airways to fly the purring pink skies with this specialized Hello Kitty Airbus. Of course, it's not just the outside of the jet that's themed, the stewardesses, the meals, the seat, the tickets --everything is decked out from landing gear to the fuselage to the rudder.

Image via Flickr user Luke Lai

Hello Kitty Gloomy

If you're both a fan of Japan's most cuddly kitten and its most monstrously violent pink bear, then this Hello Kitty dressed as Gloomy Bear is certain to please both your rankest and sweetest instincts. (See Gloomy Bear)

Hello Kitty Suicide Art

If you can't stand the evil pussy and are dying to see her suffer at her own hand, then you may be interested in purchasing these demented portraits of the little furball doing herself harm created by Blogger user Thom Foolery.

Hello Kitty Motor Oil

If only it was Hello Kitty motor oil that spilled into the gulf, the animals would all just wash up on the shore with cute pink bows on their heads. They'd still be dead, but at least they'd look a little cuter.

Hello Kitty Assault Riffle

 

At first glance, the Hello Kitty AK-47 AR-15 sounds likea mere artistic statement made from clay or plastic, but it is actually a very real and completely functional weapon, perfect for the Sara Palins of the world on their moose hunting trips.

Image via Flickr user Dylan Brown

Hello Kitty Hospital

There's nothing like shooting a bloody mess out of your whoo-whoo into a whole room of Pepto Bismol pink. Not only will your husband be embarrassed to visit you in the Hello Kitty hospital maternity ward, your child will most likely be seriously traumatized by the giant cat heads peeking out at every corner.

Hello Kitty Pantyliners

Even if you aren't pregnant, you still have the opportunity to cover Hello Kitty's face in blood from "down there." Simply try out these adorably creepy Hello Kitty panty liners. My only question is does it actually have her face on the pad itself, or just the packaging?

 Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

If you're a man or if it's not that time of the month, you can still show the kitty how you really feel with this Hello Kitty toilet paper. You really have to wonder what kind of a marketing executive approved this one.

Hello Kitty Wedding

How whipped does a man have to be to actually go through with a Hello Kitty Wedding? To make matters worse, if he actually is into the idea, then he's probably not really into the bride and is just trying to keep up appearances.

As for the wedding itself, the theme is sure to enter all aspects of the ceremony. You can have a Hello Kitty dress with a matching tuxedo, a Hello Kitty cake, Hello Kitty wedding rings, a Hello Kitty wedding gazebo, a toast with Hello Kitty champagne, even a Hello Kitty wedding certificate. Honestly, the thought of it all makes me shudder and throw up a little --at the same time.

Hello Kitty Nipple Tassels

Finally, something for the wedding night. Of course, to some extent, this is a conflict of interest. You see, men have no interest in Hello Kitty and are often turned off by the character...on the other hand, they are turned on by nipples and tassels there upon. I'm sure you can see the problem here.

The sad thing is that, like most of the subjects I cover, there are simply too many of these terrible products out there to actually list them all. So if you've seen any I've missed, be sure to add them in the comments.
Comments
Jul 6, 2010
by Anonymous

Wrong gun

That Is a AR-15, not an AK-47.

Jul 6, 2010
by Anonymous

Wrong gun, you

It is actually not an AR-15 or an AK-47. The pistol grip is bastardized in this version making it more of a hunting style grip rather than assault style. Coupled with a 30 rd banana clip it is a bit of a mess, going for hunting and killing. However, it is pretty obvious to any gun-loving American that the charging handle, sights, dust cover, and handguards are definitely AR-15/M-16 style. The buffer spring and bolt assembly are suspiciously absent, however

Jul 6, 2010
by Anonymous

Wrong gun

Looks more like an M4...?

Jul 7, 2010
by Jill Harness
Jill Harness's picture

Good Note

I changed the gun model for you guys, thanks!

Jul 7, 2010
by Anonymous

LOL

This is genius, BTW.

Jul 7, 2010
by Anonymous

Never seen in stores.

Wow... Wow... Never find this anywhere but here. Wow...

Jul 12, 2010
by Anonymous

I'm glad I'm not the only

I'm glad I'm not the only one who automatically thought "Why isn't the Hello Kitty Vibrator on this list?"

Jul 13, 2010
by Anonymous

charly

tenes un consolador en con la carita de hello kitty?

aguante zumuba ska

Jul 13, 2010
by Anonymous

gabriel

como me encanta chupar vergas
ahi ahi ahi llamenmen para q me la metan
3513418866

es en serio

Jul 15, 2010
by Anonymous

delvis

jajajaj this is berry funny nunca jamas en mi vida me imaginaria eso jajaj

Sep 21, 2011
by Anonymous

NnIiTtAa

It`S nIcE

Jan 18, 2012
by Anonymous

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