"Mother." For some people the word dregs up images
saintly woman who birthed them from a seemingly immaculate conception.
others the mind recoils in horror as it envisions a creature that surely
spawned form the deepest regions of the underworld solely to destroy
lives. Whatever your individual feelings of the woman who provided you a
to rest your weary head, you probably know that Mother's Day is coming
you're expected to give a gift of some type. But exactly what?
If you're searching for the perfect gift to
confound your birth-giver, you've come to the right place. From terrible
for great moms to great gifts for terrible moms, we've got you covered.
Bad Gifts For Good Moms:
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #1
Botox Gift Certificates
What better way to tell your mom that she's seen
than giving her a Botox gift certificate? This considerate gift is sure
remind her that her crow's feet aren't a sign of graceful aging and
of aging and senility.
Image via Vancouver Laser & Skincare Center [Flickr]
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #2 -
But perhaps your mother's insecurity isn't in her
wrinkles, but in her hairy back. While laser hair removal could remove
problem completely, not all of us can (or want to) spend that kind of
our moms. Instead, buy her this convenient back shaver to help cut off
pesky problem at the source. (See Back Shaver)
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #3 -
Similarly, if you don't want to help your mom lose
getting her a gym membership or help her simply remove it with
can instead just help her keep her clothes fitting with this handy
stretcher. Sure she'll probably just binge eat even more when your lack
compassion puts her in an even darker place of self-loathing, but hey,
just twist the knob an extra turn and voila! -that ten pounds of
depression-related fat will just squeeze right into her favorite jeans. (See Waistband Stretcher)
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #4 -
Modernized Antique China
Has mother seemed to forget about her dusty
never-used china? Just imagine how happy she will be to see that you
these boring antiquities with modernized words or pictures of
characters by Etsy users trixiedelicious and BeatUpCreations,
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #5 -
No time to actually meet up with old mum' for her
Then why not send her the second best thing to your actual hug with a
hug-e-gram that's kind of like a desperate person's empty fanny pack.
even put in your own personalized message to let mom know that even
Sunday bowling tournament is more important to you than seeing her in
Mother's Day, you still care. If you're worried your single mother will
all alone, you can even double up the hugs by sending her this
pathetic Boyfriend Pillow to cuddle up with. (See Boyfriend Pillow)
Bad Gift Idea for Good Mom #6 -
Twilight Edward Cullen Pillow
When boyfriend pillows and hug-o-grams simply
though, maybe your Twi-tard mom needs to cuddle up to something a little
like this Edward Cullen Twilight body pillow.The creator cleverly calls her products "manllows" --as in "you desperately need a man because your manllow is too sticky."
Good Gifts For Bad Moms:
Good Gift Idea for Bad Moms #1-
Is your mom constantly on the rag? Then celebrate
inner-bitch with this beautiful "PMS, be afraid... be very afraid,"
charm. What a stylish and lovely way to announce her bad attitude to the
world.(See PMS Charm)
Good Gift Idea for Bad Moms #2-
Bacon Baby Formula
For those mothers who haven't yet had a chance to
terrible, this bacon-flavored baby formula is a great stepping stone to
her raise an alienated fat adult. Not only will this formula help her
that pesky mother-child connection that is built through actual breast
it will also raise the baby to have an unnatural obsession with
favorite meat product, giving the child a head start in obesity and
self-esteem problems. Way to go mom!
Good Gift Idea for Bad Moms #3-
If your mom is too lazy to even be bothered with
out of pajama pants, now you can provide her with all the comfort of pjs
with the unembarassing look of good old denim jeans. Now at least you
the semblance of presentability while she can continue to be exceedingly
slothish. Hey, at least you can finally agree on something!
Good Gift Idea for Bad Moms #4-
World's Worst Mom Mug
Want to tell your mother how you really feel, but
to curse? Then give her this lovely ceramic mug so she can remember just
accomplished she is every morning -after all, it takes time and
be the world leader of anything, even bad parenting.
So what are you getting your mom this Mother's Day? I certainly hope it's not actually on this list.