The 15 Worst, Weirdest, Tackiest and Sickest Christmas Presents To Spoil The Season

Christmas is here again, which means its time get gifts for your selfish friends and the family members you care so much about that you only see them annually. While time is running out to get gifts, this guide can help you find the right present for all the wrong people in your life, including:

The Perfect Gift For
The Girl You're Stalking:

As you may have noticed in last year's Christmas gift list and the Valentine's gift list, nothing says "I love you" like a dead animal turned into jewelry. Diamonds may be forever, but so is death when you think about it --and hey, girls love animals, right?

The Perfect Gift For
Your Twilight-Loving Girlfriend:

We all know that the most romantic thing a guy can do is suck out your blood to make you immortal. Unfortunately, most of us don't actually know any real vampires (and no, the loser goths with dental-implant fangs don't count), so if you want to show someone how much you want them to be with you forever, get them a necklace that symbolizes your lust for their blood.

The Perfect Gift For
The Philanthropic Schmuck You Secretly Can't Stand:

You know the jerk who makes donations in everyone's name for a cause he cares about when the gift receiver would rather have presents? What better way to get back at him then donating in his name to a charity of your choice --one that doesn't really exist and costs you nothing! Care4Less allows you to choose one of eight fake charities, like the Foreskin Restoration Society, and then your non-loved one will receive a personalized email with the amount you didn't really donate in his or her name.

The Perfect Gift For
The Girl Who's Desperate to Snag a Husband at Any Cost:

Sure you'll be doing a disservice to all mankind and creating an incredibly Glee-like scenario with a girl faking her pregnancy with this always positive pregnancy test, but at least your psychotically desperate friend will have a husband --at least, for a few months until he finds out about the deception. (Buy here)

The Perfect Gift For
The Office Workers Who Always Get Their Lunches Stolen:

At most offices, the majority of employees are respectful enough to avoid eating one another's lunches. Unfortunately, not all workers share this same level of courtesy (like the disgusting girl at my office who also pees all over the toilet seat whenever she goes to the bathroom despite constant warnings...but enough about my pathetic life). If you know some poor office schlub who always finds their lunch stolen, get them these great cookie cutters so at least their dessert will stay safe. When coupled with a moldy lunch bag, your friend may actually start to enjoy lunch at the office again. (Buy here)