Valentine's Day is here again, which means it's time to
begrudgingly give your loved one an amazing experience for one day so he or she
will be willing to stay with you for the other 364 days of the year. Because
love is all about meeting, not exceeding, your partner's minimum expectations. Of course, these five gifts probably won't even do that.
Terrible Gift - The Pizza Hut Tie the Knot Special
What's more romantic than a ring, a limousine ride, fireworks
and flowers? A night including all of those aspects and -Pizza Hut pizza. Or at
least, that's Pizza Hut's thought behind their $10,010 Tie the Knot package.
Because nothing says, "I love you" like crappy pizza, dried-out breadsticks and
flavorless cinnamon sticks. Alternatively, you could just arrange all of this
on your own, save some money and be able to buy a decent dinner instead.
Terrible Gift -
A Tour of Brooklyn's Finest Wastewater Treatment Plant
Can you smell the love in the air? Not over the smell of raw
sewage when you take a romantic Valentine's Day stroll through Brooklyn's Newtown
Creek Wastewater treatment plant. What makes this sewage plant tour different
from the other daily tours is that everyone who shows up receives a special
Valentine's Day Hershey Kiss, which will probably be the last thing you'll want
after wandering through a sewage plant. On the upside, it's sure to be a Valentine's
date your partner will never forget...on the other hand, it will probably be your
last date together.
Image courtesy of Flickr user Victoria Belanger
Terrible Gift - Name A Roach In After Your Sweetie
Want something cheap but memorable for your date this year?
Why not name a roach after your date, courtesy of the Bronx Zoo. For only $10,
you can name one of the zoo's 58,000 Madagascar hissing cockroaches after your
sweetie. All proceeds will support the Wildlife Conservation Society, so at
least you'll be insulting your guy or gal for a good cause.
If you really want to make a good impression, you can always
throw in a $25 chocolate that is hand-painted to look just like a real hissing
Terrible Gift - Brief Jerky Meat Underwear
Edible underwear usually are somewhat like fruit roll ups,
but let's face it, real men like meat more than fruit. To that end, why not make
your own beef jerky underwear? These nutritious and delicious undies are just
want you need to kick start your love life into overdrive. Because haven't you
always wanted to say "eat my meat" literally.
Let's be honest, you probably won't be getting anyone you
care about one of these for Valentine's Day, but they certainly will make any
horrible gifts you get seem better by comparison.