The 8 Best Easter Toys (To Give Your Kids Nightmares)
Do your little monsters love the Easter Bunny? Do you want to traumatize them so badly that they never want another Easter Basket in their lives? If so, you've come to the right place. Here are 8 stuffed rabbits so scary your kids will be afraid to get out of bed on Easter Sunday.
Road Kill Rabbit
Ready to give your child an introduction to the real world, where adorable animals are sacrificed to the gods of the daily commute? Then this cuddly road kill plush with guts strewn about will let your little one appreciate nature for what it really is -extremely fragile. At least she'll get a nice lesson in anatomy in the process.
Patricia Waller's Pitchfork
Like the roadkill rabbit, this little knitted bunny by Patricia Waller shows kids how animals live in the real world. Those that munch on crops are the first to get hunted down and run through with pitchforks.
What do those dead little rabbits do to get revenge on those that have harmed them? Come back from the dead and go on a rabid rabbit killing spree, of course. Give this guy to your baby and you're certain to haunt his dreams with images of one-eyed rabbits hopping very slowly towards their next victim.
Bunnywith Homesick Abortion
What better way to teach your child about the birds and the bees than to show them what happens when a mommy and a daddy don't love each other very, very much? Isn't it cute? The bloody little tissue mass wants to come back to its safe, warm womb is a great way to remind little girls about the wages of sin.
At first glance, this rabbit toy doesn't seem nearly as terrifying as the others. But then its eyes start to pierce your very soul and you realize that it seems to be hatching a diabolical plan to end your life as you sleep. Put this in your child's room and he'll never sleep again, slowly going insane while mumbling, "can't sleep, bunnies will eat me."
Monty Python's Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
Sure bunnies may look cute, but those that guard the Cave of Caerbannog should never be taken lightly, as they are, indeed, quite deadly. Whether you decide to guard your domicile with the slippers or the plush, remember to keep your children at a safe distance away, unless they happen to have The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch available as part of their arsenal.
What happens when a good bunny goes bad? He starts to grow a stubly beard, takes up smoking and tattoos a "K" on his forehead. This scruffy Labbit doesn't want to be anyone's friend. He's a loner, a gambler, a rebel.
Zombie Easter Bunny
So maybe it's not actually a toy (in fact, it's not even real), but ThinkGeek's Zombie Easter Bunny chocolate rabbit most certainly deserves a spot on this list. After all, even if your child isn't scared by the idea of a rotting zombie rabbit running around, the idea of eating something that looks like that is terrifying all on its own.
If you find any of these toys creepy, just imagine how your little one will feel. If the older kids try to tell her that there is no Easter Bunny, she'll quickly retort, "don't say that or he'll find you and eat you, piece by piece, starting with your toes."
Please sign up for my latest wacky products articles here.