Do your little monsters love the Easter Bunny? Do you want
to traumatize them so badly that they never want another Easter Basket in their
lives? If so, you've come to the right place. Here are 8 stuffed rabbits so
scary your kids will be afraid to get out of bed on Easter Sunday.
Road Kill Rabbit
Ready to give your child an introduction to the real world,
where adorable animals are sacrificed to the gods of the daily commute? Then
this cuddly road kill plush with guts strewn about will let your little one appreciate
nature for what it really is -extremely fragile. At least she'll get a nice
lesson in anatomy in the process.
Patricia Waller's Pitchfork
Like the roadkill rabbit, this little knitted bunny by Patricia Waller shows
kids how animals live in the real world. Those that munch on crops are the
first to get hunted down and run through with pitchforks.
What do those dead little rabbits do to get revenge on those
that have harmed them? Come back from the dead and go on a rabid rabbit killing
spree, of course. Give this guy to your baby and you're certain to haunt his
dreams with images of one-eyed rabbits hopping very slowly towards their next
Bunnywith Homesick Abortion
What better way to teach your child about the birds and the
bees than to show them what happens when a mommy and a daddy don't love each
other very, very much? Isn't it cute? The bloody little tissue mass wants to come
back to its safe, warm womb is a great way to remind little girls about the
wages of sin.
At first glance, this rabbit toy doesn't seem nearly as
terrifying as the others. But then its eyes start to pierce your very soul and
you realize that it seems to be hatching a diabolical plan to end your life as
you sleep. Put this in your child's room and he'll never sleep again, slowly
going insane while mumbling, "can't sleep, bunnies will eat me."
Monty Python's Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
Sure bunnies may look cute, but those that guard the Cave of
Caerbannog should never be taken lightly, as they are, indeed, quite deadly. Whether
you decide to guard your domicile with the slippers or the plush, remember to
keep your children at a safe distance away, unless they happen to have The Holy Hand
Grenade of Antioch available as part of their arsenal.
What happens when a good bunny goes bad? He starts to grow a
stubly beard, takes up smoking and tattoos a "K" on his forehead. This scruffy
Labbit doesn't want to be anyone's friend. He's a loner, a gambler, a rebel.
Zombie Easter Bunny
So maybe it's not actually a toy (in fact, it's not even real), but ThinkGeek's Zombie Easter Bunny chocolate rabbit most certainly deserves a spot on this list. After all, even if your child isn't scared by the idea of a rotting zombie rabbit running around, the idea of eating something that looks like that is terrifying all on its own.
If you find any of these toys creepy, just imagine how your
little one will feel. If the older kids try to tell her that there is no Easter
Bunny, she'll quickly retort, "don't say that or he'll find you and eat you, piece
by piece, starting with your toes."