Avoid VD With One of These Terrible Valentine's Day Gifts

Do you really think it's a coincidence that the nickname for Valentine's Day is VD? It seems the sickeningly sweet day sneaks up on us every year just like a recurring case of genital herpes. And yes, the outbreak is here again.

 If you're looking piss off your significant other and you really don't want to get any nookie this year (that's one way help reduce your chance of contracting a VD), then simply try any of these great gifts and you're certain to spend the rest of the night relaxing (and sleeping) on your couch.

Valentine Gift Idea #1- Feeling Ballsy?

Nothing screams class more than a rubber pair of balls dangling from your lifted 4x4's trailer hitch. So what could be more classy and romantic than a bronzed set of balls designed to attach to a keyring so you can take them everywhere you go?

Valentine Gift Idea #2 - Need to Claim Your Property?

Sure your partner is "yours," but how will anyone know? Even wedding rings don't carry your name on them for the world to see. That's why you need the personal branding iron to help spell out your love. Because nothing says "I love you," like burnt flesh.

Valentine Gift Idea #3-Does Your Love Bite?

Every woman loves getting jewelry, but if you get your gal any of these mouthy rings, there's a good chance you'll end up having some extra teeth lying around the house one she slugs you in the face. At least now you can make her a matching necklace.

Valentine Gift Idea #4-Is She A Man Eater?

Tell her what you really think about her with two cases of praying mantis eggs so she can watch them grow up, mate and kill or be killed. Maybe next year you can go all the way and get her a box of black widows. 

Valentine Gift Idea #5-Feel Like an Accessory?

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If your gal cares more about how you look on her shoulder than how you treat her at home, then she's sure to want one of these chic puppy purses for her other "best friend" a.k.a. fashion accessory. Just hope you and Fido don't both go out of style in the fall.