Avoid Love With One of These Terrible Valentine's Day Gifts

 If you're looking anger your significant other and you really don't want to get any love this year, then simply try any of these great gifts and you're certain to spend the rest of the night relaxing (and sleeping) on your couch.

Valentine Gift Idea #1 - Need to Claim Your Property?

Sure your partner is "yours," but how will anyone know? Even wedding rings don't carry your name on them for the world to see. That's why you need the personal branding iron to help spell out your love. Because nothing says "I love you," like burnt flesh.

Valentine Gift Idea #2-Does Your Love Bite?


Every woman loves getting jewelry, but if you get your gal any of these mouthy rings, there's a good chance you'll end up having some extra teeth lying around the house once she slugs you in the face. At least now you can make her a matching necklace.

Valentine Gift Idea #3-Is She A Man Eater?


Tell her what you really think about her with two cases of praying mantis eggs so she can watch them grow up, mate and kill or be killed. Maybe next year you can go all the way and get her a box of black widows. 

Valentine Gift Idea #4-Feel Like an Accessory?


If your gal cares more about how you look on her shoulder than how you treat her at home, then she's sure to want one of these chic puppy purses for her other "best friend" a.k.a. fashion accessory. Just hope you and Fido don't both go out of style in the fall.

Valentine Gift Idea #5-Communications obsessed?

If your guy or gal never puts the phone down, then take the stress of their fingers with this handy wrist cell phone carrier. Granted, you could just buy your lover a blue tooth instead and let them put the phone in a purse or pants' pocket, but that would be way more expensive and then they may look crazy. It's obviously much better to give them a cell phone holder on their wrist instead.


Valentine Gift Idea #6 - Ode To His Odor?

If a diaper filled with Indian food is actually an improvement over your boy's current scent, then Sex Panther cologne might actually be the right gift to get him to shower up or ship out. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Got any more great ideas for a terrible Valentine's Day? If so, share them in the comments.

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Jan 28, 2010
by Anonymous


very nice.

May 6, 2012
by Anonymous

"diaper filled with indian

"diaper filled with indian food" what are you, racist?