Bacon TuxedoEven if you are a vegetarian and don’t like pigs, if you are weird enough, you still might go for this new line of formal wear by Uncle Oinker, the crowning glory of which is the Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo! This way, you not only look ridiculous but you can also smell that way too! Avoid visits to zoos and pig farms while wearing the Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo, as wildlife, swine and other assorted vermin may not be impressed with your façade. (You simply must not attend the wedding on Old Macdonald’s farm.) Instead, why not send the wedding gift wrapped in bacon gift wrap , which is so much more appropriate, if such a word can be used in conjunction with the Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo. (This way the pigs won’t be offended. Most people don’t realize how sensitive they are to people wearing and smelling like bacon!)
To add pork fat to injury, the Bacon-Patterned, Bacon-Scented Tuxedo can only be dry-cleaned. One can only wonder if the scent goes through changes after dry cleaning chemicals are applied to the cloth, creating perhaps a weird amalgam of scents that might attract even new and different wildlife!
But just think of the advantages of owning one of these Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned tuxedos! Now you can get married in bacon, get confirmed or graduate in bacon and even attend the Oscars in bacon if that is your heart’s desire. (If you happen to be popular actor, Kevin Bacon, it might work, but if you are anyone else…well, you know.) Each Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo is tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric and is available in one of four sizes (dumb, dumber, dumber still and off the charts dumb).
I don’t know about you, but as far as the Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo is concerned, I think I’ll wait for my eggs!
Please note: It has come to my attention that this product is a hoax. Explanation will follow in a subsequent post. I apologize to all with the assurance that it was an honest mistake.