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Modern Barbie Gets Kinky

There are some deviant minds in the product development and marketing suites at Mattel’s Barbie™ division.

Barbie Gets Kinky As Black Canary

 

What can I possibly say about the “Fetish” Barbie scheduled to spank – uh, hit – store shelves this autumn? Only that it’s about time. And I have to have one. There’s a whole cadre of people who have never liked the anatomically impossible doll’s squeaky-clean image; some of us even suspected there was a kinky woman inside. Now she’s becoming the straight man’s/lesbian version of Tom’s of Finland; the one-time ideal of feminine perfection is all but wielding a whip. Oh right. She already did that dressed as Catwoman Barbie .

You had to know this was coming. First she dumped that white-bread Ken. Then Mattel began the Barbie Double Entendre Series (disclaimer: there is no such line) with the Barbie Hot Tub Bus Vehicle Playset , which sounds an awful lot like those stripper limos that drive around, hmm?

Black Canary Barbie will be unleashed in September, no doubt spawning a whole new generation of fetishists. The back-of-box copy reads:

“Black Canary is dressed in her black motorcycle jacket, fishnet stockings, black gloves, and boots. This is truly one hot chick!”

Dude, she’s plastic. And 11.5” tall. And if she were a real woman, she’d be 7’2” and her boobs would be so huge she’d… topple… over… Ohh.

(Point of fact: DC Comics’ Black Canary has way bigger boobs. She’s athletic, curvy and sexy, and she looks like a real woman. Except she’s sci-fi. And drawn in ink.)

Mattel has no problem making their signature doll look like she enjoys tying up men and whipping them, as long as it’s clear she’s playing an actress who played a woman whose superpower is, uh, a high-pitched scream. They want to make sure parents understand she is in no way actually participating in such activities, making doubly sure the icon was two degrees from being mistaken for Dominatrix Barbie.

I have to say, a lot of people have been waiting for this day, simply because they – okay, we – disliked Barbie’s purity and wanted to see her be, well, dirty.

The Weirdest Barbie Ever


Barbie doesn’t look all that out of place in black leather and fishnets, unlike the oddity Mattel is still trying to live down: “Pooper Scooper” Barbie. (Buy here) That was the most incongruous of all the incarnations. I would’ve sworn she was a cat woman.

“Pooper Scooper” Barbie will have competition for the Weirdest Barbie come October. Mattel will release – or maybe sic the birds on – America’s trademark doll with “Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds Barbie™”.

The press release form includes copy from the back of the package:

“As you can see, the doll is being assaulted by a trio of angry avian attackers, making this one of very few products to be both awesome and classy.”

“Assaulted,” “awesome” and “classy” in the same sentence? That’s worth the $44.99 alone. But wait! There’s more! Mattel also touts that the doll has “real fake birds!” and “high-quality head looks scared and has awesome hair!” and asks the question on everyone’s lips (not): “Will these plastic birds damage her delightful handbag or her carefully styled hair?”

Somewhere poor Hitch is watching his own horror movie unfold.

I love reading your comments (well, most of them). Are you going to join me in collecting bizarre Barbies now? What’s your fantasy Barbie? What would you create as her next outfit, character or situation?

UPDATE: Black Canary is now available

Sarah Chauncey
Guest Blogger
InventorSpot.com

Our Guest Blogger, Sarah Chauncey, is a veteran writer beguiled by the bizarre. She is here to share with InventorSpot.com readers those inventions that make the world just a little bit (or a whole lot) stranger.

Comments
Jul 11, 2008
by M Dee Dubroff
M Dee Dubroff's picture

Kinky barbie

 How very cool!

Well-written and very interesting read! 

 

Yours in Words,

M Dee Dubroff

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

well

If I could afford it I would probably want one.

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

NOT!!

I would NOT want to buy that!

Jul 11, 2008
by Michelle
Michelle's picture

I love the pooper scooper

I love the pooper scooper barbie...next we can have the baby diaper changing barbie. :)

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

Black Canary Barbie? She

Black Canary Barbie? She looks like Biker Bitch Barbie.

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

I must admit

I bought the poop-scooping Barbie for my daughter. The little magnetic brown pellets that come with the doll double as food & doody. It's quite amazing.

Jul 11, 2008
by Steve Levenstein
Steve Levenstein's picture

Equal time?

What does poor, boring Ken think of Barbie's new look? Perhaps he's considering a makeover of his own...

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

Barbie broke up with Ken

...a few years ago. Besides, everyone knew Ken was gay.

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

What we need.

Village People Ken....

Jul 11, 2008
by Anonymous

Misogynistic and sexist

Misogynistic and sexist trash.

Jul 12, 2008
by Anonymous

Tipi

I am so 100% buying The Birds Barbie. I'm as serious as avian flu. Thanks for the notice on that, Sarah.

Jul 18, 2008
by Anonymous

You gotta laugh

Its about time people got a real life and used their energy to make a difference in matters that affect peoples lives. The balck canary barbie is funny and a pleasant diversion. She made me smile! I have seen Brittany wear a lot worse! And by the by they have already done a biker Ken he's my Billy dolls best guy. LOL

Jul 22, 2008
by Anonymous

Black Canary Doll

Black canary doll was intended for collectors of Barbie meaning its not meant to be a toy. but overall, if parents buy this for their children, its kind of their fault if anything bad happens, not mattel's fault because it wasnt made for children to be playing around with.
heh, and swimwear shows more body than Black Canary's outfit.

Jul 23, 2008
by Anonymous

Black Canary Barbie

She is soooo cool! I've never had a Barbie in 43 years, but I want this one.

Jul 28, 2008
by Anonymous

I sooo want the Black Canary

I sooo want the Black Canary Barbie, I have the Batgirl one, they need to make a Huntress one and I'll have the Birds of Prey!

Aug 5, 2008
by Anonymous

Black Canary Barbie,

I think a lot of complainers need to know that Black Canary has been around longer than Barbie....since 1947 really.

But what we forgot is Ninja Barbie...I mean- Elektra Barbie released in 2005 with sais.

Aug 12, 2008
by Anonymous

Have You Ever Checked Out the Collector Barbies?

They have Barbies from the Addams family to Mary Poppins. If this is scary, you should see "Cabaret Barbie".

As already said, this is not meant for children: Barbies have become a thriving business for adult collectors. Any parent that buys their 8 year old this doll is just asking for years of therapy, drug habits, and midnight calls for bail money. It doesn't take a brain surgeon (or a religious group) to know that this isn't meant for kids. That doesn't mean it needs to be boycotted or removed from shelves; more people just need to think before buying.

Aug 22, 2008
by Anonymous

black canary bird

hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahhahaha
i wish i had that one =]]]]]

Sep 21, 2008
by Anonymous

Birds Barbie

I plan on buying on buying both the Birds Barbie and the Black Canary. For anyone to think teh Black Canary is 'fetish' S & M designed is ridiculous. The superhero was dressed this way in the cmic books, thus Mattel dressed her in authentic costume

Nov 3, 2008
by Anonymous

hi

cute

Nov 24, 2008
by Anonymous

It's actually supposed to BE

It's actually supposed to BE Black Canary not Barbie as ... .

DC and Mattel have a partnership with the license of DC products, and so along with the the six inch and four inch action figures, there are the collector's dolls which fall under the "Barbie's Famous Friends" title.

They're for adult collectors and not for children, and aside from being fun, they're a cheaper alternative for those who can't afford the Tonner Collector Figures.

There has also been Batgirl, Supergirl, and now Black Canary, and Wonder Woman will be released also. [Of note, Wonder Woman's "double W" (her symbol) will be the first doll of her's to have it as armor and not just a sticker or stiched on appearance; it will also be chrome-like metallic, and not just a gold paint, also a first in general.]

As for the movie "Catwoman," I can understand that might have been a bit of a question mark for "concerned" parents, (there was, after all, a lot of marketing for kids with the movie) but the apparent uproar this doll has caused is not justified. Black Canary has been around longer than most of these parents for one thing, and again, it's not for children anyway. Even if a kid does play with it, they're not going to think anything sexual. If they do, they've probably been exposed to a lot worse.

So I don't think this as a "weird Barbie," nor do I think that should be cast for "The Birds" either. If you class "Barbie" as a type of doll and not the character herself, it may seem a bit odd, and rather random, but considering there is the Barbie Medusa out right now, it doesn't seem to strange at all.

Furthermore, with this kind of selection out there, it can only make Mattel even more money of the line for there's a lot more straight males collectors , whether of the super hero or the Hitchcock film, or just in general, out there buying their wares simply because it's NOT just for little girls, but a cool piece of plastic that one can showcase or add to a collection.

After all, if this much discussion can be on one Barbie doll online, I'm sure it can prove just as word worthy on a mantle piece at home! :P