There are some deviant minds in the product development and marketing suites at Mattel’s Barbie™ division.
What can I possibly say about the “Fetish” Barbie scheduled to spank – uh, hit – store shelves this autumn? Only that it’s about time. And I have to have one. There’s a whole cadre of people who have never liked the anatomically impossible doll’s squeaky-clean image; some of us even suspected there was a kinky woman inside. Now she’s becoming the straight man’s/lesbian version of Tom’s of Finland; the one-time ideal of feminine perfection is all but wielding a whip. Oh right. She already did that dressed as Catwoman Barbie .
You had to know this was coming. First she dumped that white-bread Ken. Then Mattel began the Barbie Double Entendre Series (disclaimer: there is no such line) with the Barbie Hot Tub Bus Vehicle Playset , which sounds an awful lot like those stripper limos that drive around, hmm?
Black Canary Barbie will be unleashed in September, no doubt spawning a whole new generation of fetishists. The back-of-box copy reads:
“Black Canary is dressed in her black motorcycle jacket, fishnet stockings, black gloves, and boots. This is truly one hot chick!”
Dude, she’s plastic. And 11.5” tall. And if she were a real woman, she’d be 7’2” and her boobs would be so huge she’d… topple… over… Ohh.
(Point of fact: DC Comics’ Black Canary has way bigger boobs. She’s athletic, curvy and sexy, and she looks like a real woman. Except she’s sci-fi. And drawn in ink.)
Mattel has no problem making their signature doll look like she enjoys tying up men and whipping them, as long as it’s clear she’s playing an actress who played a woman whose superpower is, uh, a high-pitched scream. They want to make sure parents understand she is in no way actually participating in such activities, making doubly sure the icon was two degrees from being mistaken for Dominatrix Barbie.
I have to say, a lot of people have been waiting for this day, simply because they – okay, we – disliked Barbie’s purity and wanted to see her be, well, dirty.
The Weirdest Barbie Ever
Barbie doesn’t look all that out of place in black leather and fishnets, unlike the oddity Mattel is still trying to live down: “Pooper Scooper” Barbie. (Buy here) That was the most incongruous of all the incarnations. I would’ve sworn she was a cat woman.
“Pooper Scooper” Barbie will have competition for the Weirdest Barbie come October. Mattel will release – or maybe sic the birds on – America’s trademark doll with “Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds Barbie™”.
The press release form includes copy from the back of the package:
“As you can see, the doll is being assaulted by a trio of angry avian attackers, making this one of very few products to be both awesome and classy.”
“Assaulted,” “awesome” and “classy” in the same sentence? That’s worth the $44.99 alone. But wait! There’s more! Mattel also touts that the doll has “real fake birds!” and “high-quality head looks scared and has awesome hair!” and asks the question on everyone’s lips (not): “Will these plastic birds damage her delightful handbag or her carefully styled hair?”
Somewhere poor Hitch is watching his own horror movie unfold.
I love reading your comments (well, most of them). Are you going to join me in collecting bizarre Barbies now? What’s your fantasy Barbie? What would you create as her next outfit, character or situation?
UPDATE: Black Canary is now available.
Our Guest Blogger, Sarah Chauncey, is a veteran writer beguiled by the bizarre. She is here to share with InventorSpot.com readers those inventions that make the world just a little bit (or a whole lot) stranger.