Barbie has come a long way since her inception in 1959.
She's been in space as Star Trek Barbie:
She's been handicapped:
Quite the sparkly wheel chair. It needs flames on it... And what's up with the creepy alien looking heart thing?
She's been eaten by birds as Hitchcock Barbie:
And now... well, now she's a painted lady:
There's a tattoo there somewhere... Discreetly under layers of clothing, I suspect...
Yep. Tattoo Barbie. "Totally Stylin' Tattoos" Barbie, to be precise. Unfortunately, I don't have one of these to take a picture of the "Tramp Stamp" that says "Ken" on it. So, in order to avoid getting sued, these are the only pictures of Tattoo Barbie that I can lay my hands on at this time. Kind'a lame, I know.
Personally, I have no problem with this as I kind'a like tattoos. My girlfriend has the coolest ones I've ever seen--and I'm getting one quite soon (it just took me forever to figure out what I wanted).
Body art of this type has been around since roughly 400 B.C. and was possibly started by the Pazyryks-a nomadic society of horse shepherds. They had some really neat stuff. Check this out:
Not bad for 400 BC, eh?
I'm soon to be getting my first tattoo. My Mom will roll over in her grave when I do so. Strong Southern values and such.
Apparently parents are pretty pissed off about Barbie getting inked. The thought sort'a goes like this: If Barbie has a tattoo on her... let's say, inner thigh... then little kids will want one there as well.
Following this line of thought, any kid with a G.I. Joe will develop into a conspiracy theorist and start running covert ops on their parents.
And that mode of thinking is... well... crap.
In other words, while children's minds are quite malleable, they're not stupid. Well, most of them aren't. There's always that kid who wants to lick a beehive or see how hard he can hit himself in the face with a hammer. And they tend to get vaporized from the gene pool-unless they're incredibly lucky.
Getting back to Barbie...
Now they need to combine all of the figures listed above into one: The Space-faring, Handicapped, Bird Infested, Harlot Barbie.
I have to admire Mattel's willingness to explore different avenues with such a traditional toy. So, in the spirit of my previous Barbie article, I thought I'd throw Mattel a few ideas to expand their product line:
1. Zombie Barbie: She comes with a decapitated Ken head, glowing eyes, and strips of plastic "flesh" to nosh on.
2. Nuclear Disaster Barbie: This would be a really easy toy to make. Essentially they could just take a blowtorch to a Barbie, melting her legs and part of her torso into a big, puddle-like blob. To save money, they could use the glowing eyes from the Zombie Barbie. Accessories include a canister of nuclear waste and a pink brush that pulls her hair out every time it's used.
3. Casey Anthony Barbie: Use your imagination; I'm not going there.
4. My Ex-Wife Barbie: This would come with a jeep, shorter hair, and a girlfriend for the ex-wife.
5. Transformers Barbie: Flip a few body parts around and she's now a mini-van.
6. My Dad's Dog Barbie: I dunno... just a Barbie that my Dad's dog could poop on like it does everywhere else. How such a small animal generates so much poop is beyond my reckoning.
7. LSD Barbie: Kids could lick her... with unpredictable, yet very colorful, results followed by possible psychosis and suicidal tendencies.
8. Coleslaw Wrestler Barbie: I don't know if they do this anywhere else, but here in good ol' Florida, there's this annual festival in which girls wrestle in coleslaw. It's horribly smelly and foul-but strange enough to warrant a look if you're ever in the state. This Barbie would come with a little bowl, cabbage, and slaw mix. Then you would use the doll to mix up the deliciousness, rather like a set of tongs with blond hair. Ew.
9. Keanu Reeves Barbie: A Barbie... only it looks like Keanu Reeves.
10. Leprosy Barbie: Yeah... You know what I'm about to write here... Body parts fall off and stuff. But what you didn't know is that it would come with a little can of special, dying-flesh-scented spray. Sort of like Axe, but... not pleasant.
Back in the real world...
Apparently Barbie's pal, Nikki, has "Totally Stylin'" tattoos as well.
Do you think it was peer pressure? Maybe a drunken night in Tijuana?
Regardless, it looks like Barbie is growing and changing with the times. And tattoos are nothing compared to what they could have her do.
SOURCES: Wikipedia and Tattoo Symbol