Can A Cellphone Ringtone Increase Your Breast Size?

A Japanese researcher thinks he's found a cheap, non-invasive breast augmentation method based on a woman's natural physiological response to the sound of a crying baby. Could this be the solution to breast enhancement without surgery?

Hideto Tomabechi (left) is no crackpot - he once helped deprogram members of the notorious Aum Shinrikyo cult, implicated in the Tokyo subway nerve gas attacks of 1995. Tomobechi has moved on since then, but he still seeks to improve the lot of society. This time, he's out to boost busts through the miracle of sound!

Tomobechi theorizes that women respond to the sound of a crying baby both emotionally and physically; the latter being in the form of increased breast size. He also noted that cellphones are ubiquitous in urban Japan today, especially among the young female demographic who answer calls up to 40 times per day.

Putting 2 and 2 together to make 34D, Tomobechi formulated a wave file that approximates the sound of a baby crying.

Now an actual recording of a distressed infant might tend to cause social disharmony... at 40 times a day times millions of cellphones, that's a whole lot of crying. Instead, Tomobechi's ringtone distills what he considers to be the most "active" parts of a baby's cry into an odd, squalling cacaphony.

Click here to access the wave file if you want to conduct your own breast test.

You can also view a Discovery UK television video on Tomobechi's bust-enhancing ringtone:



A range of health care experts have poo-poo'd any connection between aural tones and physiological changes, but on the upside Tomobechi's theory is both inexpensive and non-invasive - as opposed to breast enhancement surgery or popping breast enlargement pills. Considering typically high breast enlargement prices ("boob jobs"), a free downloadable ringtone may be worth a try.

On the other hand, anyone using the ringtone should be prepared to explain when asked "what the hell is that awful noise?!" dozens of times per day. As for the possible effects of secondhand sound, I'll leave that issue for Tomobechi to work on. (via NoiseAddicts)