Need This? Computerised Catflap

Our Guest Blogger, Luke McKinney , investigates science, gadgetry and alcohol - frequently simultaneously. He has written for, the Creative Science Quarterly and CRAM Teen Science magazine, among others. Luke wanted to share his latest funny invention finds with the readers of

Here's his article:

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What do you get when you combine a cat and military-developed technology? If you're awesome you get the uranium powered Cybo-Cat, enemy of terrorists (and dogs) worldwide! If you're less awesome, but more realistic, you get the RFID - a better business decision, because if there's one thing people will spend money on it's their adorable little bundle of claws and barely-restrained instincts, Captain Fuzzywuzzy*.

* Note: actual name of bundle of claws and barely-restrained instincts may vary.

The automated entrance uses Radio Frequency IDentification to allow access for the owner's cat(s) at pre-programmed times of day, while barring the way for unwanted strays (and the unwelcome scents, stains, and occasional pregnancies they bring). At any time you can tell which pets are at home or outside, removing one more inconvenient "actual interaction" element from the troublesome business of having a pet. Throw in an automated pet feeder and you can convert your flesh-and-blood pet into a real-life Tamagotchi - occasionally press a few buttons when you feel like it and you need never see the thing again!

On the other end of the spectrum, for those who need to know where their cuddly companion is at all times and get extremely stressed the instant it's been out of sight for three seconds, we recommend therapy. They're practically wild animals, you know. They'll be fine. But if you insist, invest in a GPS tracking collar and you can locate your barely domesticated animal, who views you as naught but a source of food and door-opening, at any time. Then rest sure in the knowledge that with the automated robo-doors and satellite-based updates your pet is more secure than the leaders of some small nations.

The lesson for the inventor? People love their pets - now convince them they need to pay you in the process!

Gadget prediction: There will come a doorframe-sized version to keep track of children, and it will be Sign of the Downfall of Civilisation #34.

Luke McKinney
Guest Blogger

Feb 21, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

very nice article. man i

very nice article. man i like your irony and writing style. you should start your own blog !