Computerised Canine Enjoys Your USB

Our Guest Blogger, Luke McKinney , investigates science, gadgetry and alcohol - frequently simultaneously. He has written for, the Creative Science Quarterly and CRAM Teen Science magazine, among others. Luke wanted to share his latest funny invention finds with the readers of

Here's his article:

* * * * *
The motto of the intrepid inventor is "Build it, and they will come. With cash." Never has that saying been truer than with the USB Humping Dog, a gadget so technically pointless as to make a shaved kiwi look like a scalpel.

"But how can this be proof that anything can succeed?" you ask, clutching your blueprints, "Surely this computer-copulating-contraption is just another doomed misfire destined to be landfilled along with the Hannah Montana Tooth Tunes toothbrushes and the E.T. cartridges?" Not so, my friends, because this isn't just the USB Dog humper - this is the USB Dog humper 2.0. People did complain about the original invention - not about its existence, its lack of functions, or even the fact that it's a device whose only mechanical function is to use electricity and provide nothing in return. No, they complained that it didn't look like the dog was enjoying it enough.

So the makers stepped in with the streamlined model, pointy eared and grinning faced, leaving the user in no doubt that the computerised canine is definitely enjoying his electrical escapades. They don't even include a the USB memory capability that would raise this from Singing Sea Bass uselessness to Talking Toilet Roll holder levels of "just utterly misguided" - an omission that so enraged people with too much time on their hands that they've done it themselves.

Let this be a lesson to all aspiring inventors: you don't need form, or function, or even basic justification. But if your plastic animals don't look like they're having a good time, forget about it.

Luke McKinney
Guest Blogger