Forget The Mouse, Use Your Talons: The Razer Talon
Unless you're a professional gamer who's optimized their rig to the extreme, there'll always be someone faster. Maybe they've got a better mouse. Maybe they've trained harder. Maybe they're just naturally adept at computer games. At the end of the day, all that matters is that, when faced with a foe like them, the traditional keyboard-mouse interface just seems...clunky.
Razer can help.
"The World's First Gaming Bio-Exoskeleton"
With the Razer Talon, your hands can literally become a part of your computer. No more of this flailing about with your flabby human muscles, no more mouse and keyboard interface nonsense, no more of this awkward 'point and click' crap- this incredible piece of tech will detect every twitch, every involuntary spasm,and convert it into pure awesome.
The "Average" gamer gets about, oh...ninety, one hundred actions per minute with the archaic keyboard and antique mouse. The "average" gamer moves at a normal pace, like a normal human being. You don't want to be average, do you? With the Razer Talons, you'll get up to three thousand actions per minute. That's practically superhuman! (Razer)
The Talon works both ways, too! Not only will it convert every movement of your hands into input for your computer, it'll also interface directly with your own nerves. You're not just using a gaming peripheral here, you're adding a new body part- your whole computer. You'll move faster than you ever thought possible, execute actions with more speed than you ever imagined. You'll probably break your keyboard and mouse, but by that point you won't need them anymore.
Seriously, this is the most revolutionary piece of technology I've ever seen- all this talk about the next level of computing, the evolution of gaming, it's finally come to fruition. Now, I'm sure there are skeptics out there among you. There always are, those nasty folks who question everything instead of just believing what they hear like good little boys and girls. "Oh sure" they'll be saying "It sounds awesome on paper. But how does it work in practise?"
Well, Razer interviewed three of the best gamers around, all of whom tested the Razer Talon. They've got nothing but good things to say.
A Word From The Pros
"After a week with the Razer Talons, I believe that this is the next step in human evolution. These are my new hands. And not just because I can't find a way to remove them" says Slayers_Boxer, touted as "The Emperor of Starcraft" (Razer).
He's not the only one, either. Mondragon, one of the world's top RTS players, also tried out the Razer Talons. He loved them!
"I'm reaching levels of APM that I've never hit before. I'm hitting 900 with every game I play but somehow I don't understand why my hands are turning blue." (Razer).
Finally, Jeffre "Sjow" Brusi gave his two cents after partying with the Talons for a while.
"Everyday feels like a Friday when you have the Razer Talons on. Always looking forward to my next game. Fun fun fun!"(Razer).
Oh and don't forget to apply the Snake Oil Hyperspace Lubricant. If you don't, you'll burn your hands off. Or something.
....Yeah, you're not buying it, are you? For those of you who might be confused, look at the date. Look very carefully at the date. It's really too bad that this isn't a real product- it would be absolutely amazing to use, wouldn't it?
Oh well. Razer's still got a pretty epic collection of gaming peripherals and devices...and at the very least, we've got their Switchblade PC to look forward to. There's one invention that thankfully isn't a joke.
See you folks tomorrow.