Germs 101: How to Traumatize Your Children
(Flesh-eating Bacteria) Aww, look at his little fork and knife emblems. The poor guy is hungry! Give him a hand, would you?
When you think baby present, you think cute, right? Cuddly? Educational? How about infectious? Contagious? Deadly? GIANTmicrobes® are accurate and (mostly) adorable representations of germs, bacteria, viruses and other no-see-ums at 1,000,000x magnification.
The GIANTmicrobes® colony includes more than 60 of these plushies, allowing parents the opportunity to
teach traumatize babies by creating phobias before they can retaliate or even resent you for it. What fears and phobias do you want to instill in the newest member of the family? Whatever you choose, GIANTmicrobes has a solution for you.
They’ve broken down these five dozen (and multiplying!) little buggers into categories. You can choose from “How Fluffy Can Kill You While You Sleep” (oh, wait, they call it “Menageries”) to “Venereals” (because it’s never too early for an infant to learn STD nicknames like “The Clap”) and “Alimentaries,” where E.Coli (looking rather like the love child of an alien and a jellyfish) will virtually guarantee your baby an eating-disordered future. Speaking of aliens, your burgeoning space cowboy or sci-fi fan will certainly appreciate “Martian Life,” a mondo replica of the bacterium allegedly discovered inside a meteorite from Mars.
Each GIANTmicrobe comes with a photo and fact sheet about its real-world counterpart (letter from Sally Struthers not included). Individual ones are 5-7”; many strains also come as miniature three-packs together in a petri dish. Wouldn’t those be MODERATELYBIGmicrobes?
Just as in life, a new microbe is
identified released approximately every six weeks. This ensures that your baby will grow up to either become the next Einstein or to become only slightly more multi-phobic than Adrian Monk spending days and nights pacing in their hermetically sealed plastic bubbles, babbling to strangers about the gazillion invisible things that could kill them.
Ooooh, look at da widdle yersinia pestis! (That would be The Plague to you and me).
Not all GIANTmicrobes are blobs of potential lethality: a dozen or so are minor
complaints “Maladies.” Bad Breath and Pimple erupt pop up, along with Athlete’s Foot and Ulcer. These four share a category with mono, the GIANTmicrobe referred to as “Kissing Disease” (allowing parents to rehearse their “You are not going out on any dates until you’re at least 30” speech for at least a decade) and Giardia, a nasty intestinal infection caused by drinking contaminated water. I wouldn’t exactly equate a zit with something that makes you pee your poo.
Of course, GIANTmicrobes aren’t just for kids. They first became popular among doctors and scientists, making them Beanie Babies for intellectuals. Grab ‘em and start building your collection now – before they
retire them find a cure! You can get all of these at ThinkGeek.com.
About the Inventor:
GIANTmicrobes® inventor Drew Oliver dreamed up the idea during his second year at the University of Chicago Law School. Putting his legal research skills to use, he learned everything he needed to know about manufacturing, sourcing, government regulations and distribution. By the time he graduated and began as an associate providing counsel to entrepreneurs, he was ready to start his own company on the side. It took a few years before he could quit his day job, and now the toys are distributed through hundreds of stores, hospital gift shops and other outlets. Although GIANTmicrobes (the toys) are still front and center, GIANTmicrobes (the company) is beginning to branch into new areas: health supplies, educational products and games.
Our Guest Blogger, Sarah Chauncey, is a veteran writer beguiled by the bizarre. She is here to share with InventorSpot.com readers those inventions that make the world just a little bit (or a whole lot) stranger.