Who among us doesn't like some action in bed? Naturally, we all do. But there's action, then there's ACTION. If you're more the "ACTION" type then United States patent 7,137,881 the Quantum Sleeper, is just the thing for you because it brings a sort of Sopranos' style edginess to the notion of a good night's sleep.
Now, I'm warning you, some of you will be put off by the bed's uncanny resemblance to a coffin. If not, then the bed's $160,000 price tag is sure to do the trick. That is, until you learn that the bed is designed to protect you from hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, biological and chemical agents, gases, stalkers, burglars, terrorists with guns - everything, incidentally, but yourself and fires. Considering what we're spending on homeland security and psychotherapy these days, that $160,000 begins to look like chump change!
No Dutch Oven Here in this Bed!
But don't be fooled by all this talk of safety and utility. The Quantum sleeper lets you pimp your box (spring) too! The bed has an overhead control panel that operates a stereo and a DVD player as well as the bed's defensive and offensive armaments. If a stalker enters the room when the bed is open, motion sensors close the lid around you like a lock box, and an alarm wakes you. One-way glass allows the owner to see the intruder while the intruder can see only a mirrored surface. Special filters and air-flow machines promise to keep the air inside the bed breathable and fresh, while permitting the owner to spray tear gas from the unit to ward off would-be assassins or an angry ex (or two).
Hello 1974! Sleeper Control Panel
All this and a kick-ass stereo to boot! Yet the bed has some obvious drawbacks. For one thing, the hefty price tag is matched only by the actual heft of the bed, somewhere around 2000 pounds. Also, it seems the bed's target market is the I love having an MRI, or the getting stuck in an elevator for hours during a blackout would be so cool, set. And really, how big, or wealthy, a market do you think that is? Finally, the fact is the bed is just plain ugly whether it is opened or closed.
Is Beauty Really in the Eye of the Beholder?
I suspect however, that all of this pales in comparison to the unmatched sensation of being all safe and snug in your own personal bunker. As for the ACTION, the Quantum Sleeper can't perform miracles. But if a little action manages to find you don't worry, opened or closed the Quantum Sleeper is big enough for two adults engaged in a friendly game of cops and robbers.