Log in   •   Sign up   •   Subscribe  feed icon

Great Invention Idea? 3 Devices to Make Parenting Easier!

Technology has transformed the baby raising landscape in some ingenious ways. Who knows? If the following three inventions had been available a few years ago my home office might today be covered in Disney motif wallpaper, and all the electrical outlets plugged up with child safety protectors.

Take United States patent 6068649 . This patent is for a strap-on pacifier that loops around a baby's ears and stays put. With this device a parent could, theoretically, enjoy some real quiet time with baby. Of course, babies will often cry even with a pacifier in their mouths. In fact, this type of cry is the most disruptive to peace and quiet as it quickly escalates to the point where babies turn dark red and seemingly become hysterical. But the patent's strap-on feature does eliminate one major source of a baby's crying - dropping (or spitting out) the pacifier and being unable to retrieve it.
Strap-on "binky"Strap-on "binky"

Then there's what I like to refer to as the Baby Wedge, or United States patent 5713090 . The Baby Wedge is an "oval shaped domed structure featuring curved crossbars that are strong enough to support an adult's weight." With this device baby can safely sleep in bed "wedged" between mommy and daddy free from fear of being rolled onto by sleep-deprived parents. I especially love this device because of all its Freudian fun implications. I mean the child is put in a cage by her parents whose physical presence is a constant threat to the infant. Then there's the image of the baby as a physical barrier to her sex-deprived parents when she is sleeping between them. Oh, and don't even get me started on the Oedipal implications of this thing!

Oh oh, looks like baby's sleeping in daddy's place.Oh oh, looks like baby's sleeping in daddy's place.

Baby Wedge DetailBaby Wedge Detail

Finally, for today's overworked parents there United States patent 3552388 , the Baby Patting Machine. The inventor of this device reasoned that "it is sometimes difficult for [an] infant to fall asleep, and the parent must resort to patting the baby to sleep by repeated pats upon the hind parts thereof." So, for parents who have to get up early the next morning to put in another 8 to 15 hours at the office in order to participate in the post-modern parenting experience, or for those parents who are, let's be honest, not quick to put in the kind of time and effort it takes to help a restless baby fall asleep, the Baby Patting Machine's mechanized arm offers the perfect solution. With the Baby Patting Machine in place babies get the soft caresses they need, while parents find yet another source of endless guilt as they watch a crude robotic device do the job they signed on for, the one they suspect baby would prefer they perform instead.

Baby Patting MachineBaby Patting Machine

So, there you have it, parenting in the Twenty-first century made easier, or at least weirder, thanks to the creative responses of a few inventors.

Elizabeth Valeri
Patents Writer
InventorSpot.com

Comments
Jan 29, 2008
by baby boy (not verified)

I like the Baby Patter, you

I like the Baby Patter, you can add a remote control to it, and then it great :)

Jan 29, 2008
by Audrey (not verified)

These Are Too Funny

One of my daughters loved her pacifier and we were always losing them and they were always coming out of her mouth. She owned like 6 of them so we'd always have them. When I saw that photo, boy did I laugh.

Jan 30, 2008
by IdeaLog (not verified)

Poor children. Where is

Poor children. Where is parents' care now?

Feb 7, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

Strap-on pacifier - ARE YOU

Strap-on pacifier - ARE YOU F'N KIDDING?!?!?!

What if the baby throws up during the night? He/she will drown in their own vomit. Great idea.

These inventors must not be parents. This a borderline torture device in my opinion.

Feb 20, 2008
by Elizabeth Valeri
Elizabeth Valeri's picture

Dangerous Pacifier

You raise a good point about the vomit.  As far as whether or not these inventors are parents, maybe that's the whole point - they are - and that's why they come up with this stuff!  Wink

Feb 20, 2008
by Elizabeth Valeri
Elizabeth Valeri's picture

Baby Info

Hi Dale Brown!  Glad you liked the products featured here. Thanks for providing my readers with a link to more resources.

Feb 20, 2008
by Elizabeth Valeri
Elizabeth Valeri's picture

These Are Too Funny

I got a chuckle out of that pacifier photo too!  Anyway, like your daughter I LOVED my pacifier when I was a little girl.  Thanks for commenting.

Mar 11, 2008
by Elizabeth Valeri
Elizabeth Valeri's picture

Hi Anonymous!

I don't know if parents would be so quick to buy something called a "kiddie gag," but maybe if it was painted pink or blue and had some Disney characters in the foreground. (By the way, I like the gag too!)  Thanks for reading. 

Elizabeth Valeri
Patents Writer
InventorSpot.com

May 20, 2008
by Anonymous

wow

That pacifier seems great cuz babies r always hooked on em. But the baby might spit up that's true. My baby however pulls the pacifier out his mouth so it might get caught under his neck but I wish it was possible. That butt patter is bad cuz babies aren't supposed to sleep on their tummy the cage thing won't work cuz the baby wants 2 feel the parent

Jul 8, 2008
by Anonymous

what is the baby patters

what is the baby patters paten number?
does anyone know?