Although plastic surgery is America's favorite branch of medicine, many of us are still wary of going under the knife for purely vain reasons. As a result, we tend to turn to less trustworthy methods of maintaining our good looks, such as unregulated herbal supplements. That's why the next three patents are of such interest. All promise to deliver some of the benefits of cosmetic surgery without the dangers often associated with surgery. Of course, it's anybody's guess as to whether or not the results are noteworthy, but hey, it's worth a shot.
Perhaps United States patent 560351 has the most modest goals of the three patents featured here. This patent is for a Dimple Device intended to give the unfortunate dimple-less among us those benchmarks of youth and good looks, as well as reinforce the already existing dimples of the genetically blessed.
Device for Producing Dimples
The Dimple Device is an instrument that resembles a math compass. (You remember those things you used in grade school to draw a circle or arc.) Only with this thing you are meant to press the pearl shaped end onto the part of your face where a dimple is desired, while the roller moves back and forth to make the skin more pliable.
I don't know how effective the device is or how permanent the results might be. In any event, you'll want to start using the Dimple Device right away, as I suspect it is likely to give you a heck of a bruise at first and you'll want to be totally healed and blemish free before Valentine's Day.
Way past the point where a dimple or two will do the trick? Then you might want to consider United States patent 4995379 . This patented device promises an Instant Face-Lift. So, theoretically you could look ten years younger by dinnertime!
Instant Face Lift
This patent works on the same premise as Frownies. You know Frownies: basically tape you use to pull back your eyes at night when you're sleeping and not at all concerned with how you look! Anyway, the instant face-lift is achieved by attaching straps to the loose parts of your face, wrapping them around your ears, attaching them to each other and giving a good pull. Seems like a good idea, but like Frownies, what happens when you undo the straps?
For this reason United States patent 6971397 promises to be your best bet. The Face Lifting Wig works on the same principle as United States patent 4995379, only the straps are concealed by a wig making it possible for you to sport the face-lift effects, and possibly a new hair color, to your Valentine's Day rendezvous!
Face Lift Wig
There you have it, a few "quick fixes" just in time for your lovers' holiday. At worst, the patents won't do much to improve your good looks. At best, they'll give you an idea as to whether or not using your kid's college fund to finance your cosmetic surgery is a good investment. (For you, not your kid.)