Have you ever seen a kid so dirty you wish you could just tie him up to a tree and spray him down? Or perhaps the kid in question is too young for such measures, so you think about grabbing the child by the shoulders (neck?) and repeatedly dipping him into a warm tub filled with soapy water. Unfortunately, the modern tub is too big to accommodate little tykes safely for either method.
Once again the United States Patent Office comes to the rescue of American families everywhere; this time with its patent for the Stand Up and Stand Still Baby Shower. The baby shower is a modified version of the tying your kid to a tree and hosing him down approach. You simply prop your child in the restrictive tub effectively rendering him powerless to do anything but stand up straight.
Better than baby wipes!
Now that little Johnny is nice and still you turn the knob and a showerhead, strategically angled directly at your kid's butt, lets out a blast. And since you're not behaving like a contortionist trying to hold her kid still while she tries to bathe him, you can actually play with your kid without worrying about dropping, or worse yet, drowning him!
This Mother's Day why not treat yourself, or another mom, to the Stand Up and Stand Still Baby Shower? Not only is it a nice thing for mommy and baby, but also less stressful bath time now is sure to result in less psychoanalysis for Junior later! It's win win for everyone - except the therapists of course, but who cares about them?