Great Invention Idea? A Musical Condom

In my previous blog, A Big, Long D*ck for Valentine's Day, I alerted you to a patent that could help you realize your manly potential. But I'm here to tell you it's not all fun and games. Today, more than ever, sexual prowess cannot occur free of responsibility. So if you love your partner, or even if you don't and you only love yourself, you owe it to yourself to practice safe sex. That's why today I am providing you with a patent that reconciles safety with fun.

United States patent 5163447 is for a Force-Sensitive, Sound-Playing Condom! That's right, it's a musical condom! This baby looks and acts like a traditional condom and yet, manages to go a step further by incorporating "a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer (18) which plays a melody or voiced message when during intercourse the contacts of the sound-playing unit are closed and the transducer is activated" by forceful movements. Just think of all the fun you'll have - besides the sex of course.

Musical CondomMusical Condom

The prophylactic works like this: record a song or message, put the prophylactic on, begin your business, then every time you thrust your recording is played out loud. You can be as sweet as you like, "I love you Valentine," as dirty as you like, "Who's your daddy?" or as conceited as your partner suspects you are by recording things like a drum roll, or the theme song from Apocalypse Now, Wagner's: The Ride of the Valkyries.

Anyway, the musical condom is my pick today not because a condom is particularly new or unusual, but because I like the fact that the inventor, Paul Lyons, found an innovative way to improve on an established product without reinventing the wheel, so to speak.

So remember to keep those you love, even if it's only you, safe and amused this Valentine's Day with United States patent 5163447. At last, your love has got it's own soundtrack!

Elizabeth Valeri
Patents Writer

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Feb 6, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

Look. I am 22 years old, and

Look. I am 22 years old, and this thing has totally been produced. When I was 14, in gas station, in GA, I specifically remember not having the $0.75 to buy a condom that played music...

Feb 7, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

Musical condom

Where can I buy one?

Feb 7, 2008
by Michelle
Michelle's picture

If folks were going to use

If folks were going to use this, I wonder what types of songs they would choose to play?



Feb 10, 2008
by wangito (not verified)

musical condom

Forget Gates, jobst or any song..., just record your mistress, and play it while doing it with your wife. your mrriage is saved. Halleluyah!

Feb 13, 2008
by Anonymous (not verified)

Pertty pointless

Guess people are running out of ideas these days. Lol a condom that plays music I mean how low can you get.

Feb 20, 2008
by Elizabeth Valeri
Elizabeth Valeri's picture

Musical Condom

Apparently our 22 year old reader knows of a gas station in GA where you can buy one!

May 25, 2008
by Anonymous

musical condom

my mom invented this over twenty five years ago
ur not that original