Hazmat, Will Travel: The Top 8 Viral Vehicles Of Ebola


These eight “cars of Ebola” may not be causes of Ebola... scratch that, they probably ARE and you want to stay far, far away from them. Do read on, though, as regardless of what panic-mongers might say it's not possible to contract Ebola from the internet. Or so the government tells us.




“LET'S STOP THE SPREA OF EBOLA”


Now here's a cause we can all get behind: stop spraying Ebola, dammit! The banner-draped and grammatically-challenged vehicle above happens to be the personal ride of the zonal head for the Kings Gray community near ELWA (Eternal Love Winning Africa) hospital in Monrovia, Liberia. Bet it makes an awesome babe-magnet when cruising downtown Monrovia after dark. (Ebola car image via Forbes)  




Infect Peace!


Not exactly the most catchy slogan but hey, “catchy” just doesn't cut it in these troubled times. The Liberia-based Center for Peace Education “is engaging the community block by block, street by street, sharing information about the symptoms of Ebola, how it is spread, and what to do if you get it.”

According to the rolling billboard above, one thing to do is “Fight Ebola, Not Your Neighbor”. So then, do as the Good Book tells us and Love Thy Neighbor? Even if he/she has Ebola and really needs a hug? Yeah, umm, we'll get back to you on that. (Ebola car image via Center For Peace Education)   




Pus & Boots


Driving a car that looks like it's been painted in pus? Yep, that's a disinfectin'! Ahh, it appears to be a taxi... definitely double the disinfecting. (Ebola car image via The Insider)  




Don't Say It, Spray It


Hey, is this Senegalese vehicle the same pus-covered, er, pus-colored car from the previous image? Whatever that Liberian taxi has, it appears to be spreading. Check out the exposed body as well: if a car could suffer from internal hemorrhaging, this is what it would look like. Never mind the taxi, we'll take the bus. (Ebola car image via End Time Headlines)




Rabid Transit


Wow, from the frying pan into the fire – the Los Angeles County Metro bus above is the one on which a moronic passenger announced he had Ebola as he made his exit. Talk about sic transit gloria... and don't call me Gloria.

After the man debarked from the bus at around 1pm, the driver continued on his route and by 3pm he was the only person still on the bus. Presumably the passengers all fled to other buses. Nice. (Ebola car image via KTLA.com)




Thanks, Obama


Because we have to blame this terrible crisis on someone and some folks have to blame President Obama for everything terrible, the above bumper stickers have began to appear. We haven't seen any advertisements for them so it looks like they're spreading virally. Well of course they are. (Ebola car image via Infowars)




That's A Wrap


We mentioned the possibility of contracting Ebola from any of the eight vehicles depicted in this listing. Well, this one's about the closest to a sure thing: it's the car in which the late Thomas Eric Duncan was driven to Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas – a one-way trip, as it turned out.

Hazmat teams swooped down on the late-model Toyota Corolla five days after Duncan was admitted and wrapped the silver sedan in sheets of dark green plastic secured with bright blue tape. Baking (more like incubating) under the hot Texas sun, any Ebola virii in the vehicle must feel as comfy and cozy as if they were back in equatorial Africa. Good work there, hazmat team! (Ebola car image via NBC News)   




“What Would I Do Today If I Did Have Ebola?”


“What would I do today if I did have Ebola?” If you're this guy, you “tell my Mom how much I love her… no better way to do that than in a stolen car.” Just keep that in mind should things get really, really bad... and don't hitch rides with anyone driving a Ferrari, especially if he looks like this guy. (Ebola car image above via War Against Work, at top via ABC News/LM Otero/AP Photo)

*** Just to head off the “Won't someone think of the children?” brigade, we're not looking to mock the victims of Ebola and their loved ones – anything but! Consider this list as just one way of whistling past the graveyard. In a hazmat suit.