High Cows And Misdemeanors?

High Cows?  Mad Cows?  Or both?High Cows? Mad Cows? Or both?

"But, the reports of our pot-smoking are greatly exaggerated," protested the mad cows when the cops came to arrest them.

The cops from the sheriff's office just eyed the cows with suspicion. "Round'em up," said the deputy to his men. Then, he told the cows,"You're being charged with misdemeanor possession and use of an illegal substance," and he read them their rights.

It took several hours to move the "pot-head" cows into the local jail, but when the cows were finally rounded up and the jail cell was wall-to-wall cow, the cows were not just mad, they were really angry. The alpha-most cow demanded her rights for a phone call, and she called the county vet to bail them out.

Josh Evans, DVM, was used to being summoned to help the county's farmers deliver cows, horses, and sheep, but this was the first time he had been called to the jailhouse on a veterinary matter.

"No, no," Doc Evans said to the sheriff when he learned of the charges. They weren't smoking pot. You see there are 80 different kinds of cannabis. These are mad cows... they have Mad Cow Disease... and I am giving them oral doses of a non-psychoactive form of marijuana - cannibiol. This drug doesn't make them high; it helps them to stave off the horribly devastating effects of Mad Cow Disease. Cannibiol is in the experimental stage, and we are finding that it protects the cows' nervous systems from the drastic deterioration commonly found in Mad Cow, and it also extends their lives.

Doc Evans was deep into his subject and didn't notice that the sheriff's eyes were the size of squash balls and his neck was blood red. So, Doc Evans just kept talking....

"We're thinking that this cannibiol can be used to prevent Mad Cow Disease and even human diseases, like brain damage from alcohol abuse. Why, it might even help you someday, Sheriff," and Doc Evans winked wryly at the Sheriff.

"Cannibinoids have been found to reduce brain tumors, skin cancers, breast cancers and they've been found to be more help to arthritics than even aspirin!"

The Sheriff was about to have an embolism himself. "Mad Cow Disease!", he burst. "Yikes! Get those damn cows out of here. Deputy! Open the cell! Get them out!

"Don't worry, Sheriff," Doc Evans said in a calm voice. "You can't catch Mad Cow Disease... that is, unless you eat their brains," the Doc said, tauntingly.

"Humph!" said the alpha-most cow to the sheriff as he four-stepped past him. "You need to understand the whole story, don't you? Just because we're taking cannabis doesn't mean we're stoned. So, there!" And as she sidled by the Sheriff, the alpha-cow just managed to give the Sheriff a hip thrust.

Though no one interviewed Doc Evans, or even the owner of the cow farm, Brett Buckley, sure enough, the next day in the Folksum County News, the front-page story was headlined, "Stoned Cows Arrested For Pot-Smoking!"

I guess some folks just won't try to get the whole story.

(With special thanks to Penn State College of Earth and Mineral Sciences for the original cow photo. And with special apologies to Mark Twain for taking liberties with his quote, "The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated." )

That's the buzz for today!

Lady Bee
Animal Blogger


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Sep 17, 2007
by Steve Levenstein
Steve Levenstein's picture

Grass is grass...

"Your Honor, the defendants have been EATING grass for years, and now you want to prosecute them for SMOKING it?? I moooooove to have this case dismissed!"

Sep 17, 2007
by Lady Bee
Lady Bee's picture

Ah, just do your stuff!