Hosed: Ten Good Reasons Not To Park In Front Of A Fire Hydrant

Parking your car in front of a fire hydrant is not only illegal, it can bring on unwelcome consequences... and we don't mean a ticket. Most such scofflaws would actually prefer a response from the police instead of waiting for the fire department to get involved. Here's why.   

10) FORD: Not A Better Idea

Ever since there were fire hydrants, dumb drivers have been parking in front of them. What happens when you roll the dice and they come up snake eyes? See above.

In a nutshell, firemen looking to connect a hose will take the most direct route between the fire and the hydrant and if your cherry '56 Ford is in the way, well, they have ways of dealing with it. (hosed hydrant parker image via Grassroots Motorsports

9) FORD: “It Wasn't Me!”

Firefighters faced with a dangerous blaze (and what blaze isn't?) have no time to shift inconveniently parked vehicles, pick door locks, or thread hoses over, under or around your mean machine. They don't care if you're the mayor, either, which is something Rob Ford should take note of during his next drunken stupor. (hosed hydrant parker image via Snopes

8) Water Power Windows

Fireman aren't trying to be funny or malicious (or both) when confronted with inconsiderate parkers who have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.

The humor and perceived dickishness are purely in the eye of the beholders – you and I. When lives are on the line, your window glass doesn't stand a chance... the latter can easily be replaced. (hosed hydrant parker image via The Lunatick 

7) Minivan, Mini-Brain

One might say that firemen are doing hydrant-parkers a favor by routing hoses through their windows instead of dragging them over the bodywork. High-pressure firehoses vibrate; contact with painted metal soon results in UNpainted metal. (hosed hydrant parker image via CNBnews.net)      

6) On The Rag

See above, the way the nice firemen stuck a rag under the hose to protect the car's windowsill? Then again, maybe they're just keeping their hose safe from glass after they busted the window. What, you don't think saving taxpayers' money's important? (hosed hydrant parker image via ABC30, Merced Fire Department   

5) Sport Uselessity Vehicle

Sometimes SUVs and other tall vehicles block access to fire hydrants at the worst possible time. No problem for the firefighters since firehoses are flexible; no problem for firehoses since firefighters are INflexible about directly accessing those fire hydrants. (hosed hydrant parker image via DCist)      

4) The Price Is Right

As for oblivious optimists who assume their insurance will cover any and all damages, cue Morbo: insurance does not work that way!

Most auto insurance policies don't pay off if the claimed damage was caused in the commission of a crime... parking in front of a fire hydrant, for example. Getting ticketed for doing so not only hits the driver where it hurts, it also provides his insurer with a get-out-of-payment card. (hosed hydrant parker image via Cutest Blog On The Block   

3) Bavarian Moron Works

What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines? The bimmers have the pricks on the inside. They also have annoyed firefighters on the outside when said pricks park beside fire hydrants. (hosed hydrant parker image via Australian Emergency Law)   

2) Bavarian Moron Works 2, Electric Boogaloo

We're shocked... SHOCKED to see yet another BMW parked beside a fire hydrant. According to the car owner's brother who was interviewed by a local news reporter, the BMW-driver parked in front of the hydrant because his friends lived in the area and he heard there was a fire. With friends like that, who needs enemies? (hosed hydrant parker image via The Boston Globe)  

1) FOX Faux Pas

So close but yet so far: close to a fire hydrant but far from the joy FOX-haters would experience should the Boston Fire Department need to access that hydrant.

It's not at all unlikely they'd want to connect to the hydrant either, as at that exact moment the five-alarm fire that would end up destroying St. John the Baptist Church was in full swing. Why do you hate churches, FOX News? (hosed hydrant parker image via Universal Hub)                

It's safe to say that unless you're a dog, you don't want to park anywhere near a fire hydrant for any amount of time. It's better to risk being fired for arriving late than being hosed for being lazy. (hosed hydrant parker images above via New York Daily News and at top via AOL)