Can you stand looking like a poorly made blow-up doll for three minutes a day? Does your bathroom door lock rival the one on Fort Knox's vault so your spouse, kids, dog or cat will never, ever, accidentally or otherwise, see you in this state? If so, the Face Slimmer from Japan's Yumetai will forever be the dark and disturbing secret behind your bonafide “beautiful woman smile”... even if you're a man.
The pretty pink silicone rubber device looks a lot like those plastic fake lips kids wear on Halloween – all the more reason to keep it hidden away from the little rascals. The main difference is, you don't say “Trick or Treat”: instead it's “A I U E O”, the basic vowel sounds of the Japanese language according to the sales copy though it's likely English-speakers can get similar results (if any) with “Ay Ee Eye Oh You & sometimes Why”.
That's basically all there is to it – pop the Face Slimmer into your pie-hole and emote vowel sounds for three minutes. Supposedly by doing so, you exercise every part of your face and activate muscles of the face and neck that don't normally get used.
Of course, an average phone or face-to-face conversation uses all these sounds and often lasts more than a few minutes but you don't conduct them wearing a mouthpiece that could get you arrested in a few nations, states and nation-states.
Convinced? Intrigued? Turned on, even? The nice folks at Yumetai (“Find A Dream”) will be more than happy to help you eliminate that unsightly double chin and obtrusive nasolabial fold (above).
They don't promise to get you mistaken on the street for pictured model Miki Sawamura, mind you, but for 3,990 yen (about $52) plunked down at the sales page on Rakuten you can at least dream without anyone bursting your bubble. SSSSsssss....
UPDATE: The face slimmer is now available in the US here.