Log in   •   Sign up   •   Subscribe  feed icon

Kneeling Bench Keeps Toilet Splashes (and Pride) to a Minimum


"Japanese men brought to their knees by angry housewives"... this headline brought to you by the makers of the Tenshi no Hizamakura, literally "Angels Knee Pillow", a bizarre kneeling bench cum toilet cleanliness device designed to reduce the distance from the pole to the pool by bringing proud men to their knees. I ask you, how could they stoop so low?




Since using the toilet is (usually) a private matter, we can also ask WHY this humiliating device is necessary in the first place. Here comes the science: according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.

Naturally, the ladies are P.O.'d... and when a Japanese woman is expected to become a toilet cleaner on a regular basis, you can bet urine trouble. The Tenshi no Hizamakura is the answer to a Japanese woman's dreams (and the cause of Japanese men's nightmares).




The Angels Knee Pillow kneeling bench comes in two different models to suit your bathroom budget. The deluxe DX style costing 5,800 yen (about $60) is a two-piece ensemble that oddly resembles a pair of prayer benches, scrolled trim and all. I know one is expected to kneel before the throne, but then unzip and let fly?

The cheaper "Eco" toilet bench costs just 4,800 yen (about $50) and is a one-piece design that from above resembles a peanut. Or pee-nut, as it were. The toilet benches are rated at up to 120 kg (265 lbs) of bearable weight so beefy types have an excuse that will allow them to retain their dignity. Both kneelers can be tucked away at the side of the toilet to prevent them from being spattered by those who refuse to use them - just wait 'til the wife sees that!



I implore all male toilet users (you know who you are), Japanese or otherwise, to protest the purchase of this infernal, masculinity-robbing contraption. Only about 280 of the evil things have been sold so far - far too many, in this man's opinion.

Guys, it's time to make a stand, literally, because standing at the toilet to answer one of nature's calls is what makes men men. We stand tall, and we stand proud - and the higher we stand, the prouder we are! Refuse the Angels Knee Pillow for God's sake... now let us spray. (via Tokyo Times, c/o Degenerasian)

UPDATE: For those of us in the U.S., no optimized toilet kneeling bench is available. So we will have to make do with using these general gardening and meditation kneeling benches

To see more noteworthy Japanese inventions, sign up for my latest articles here,

Steve Levenstein
J A P A N O R A M A
InventorSpot.com

Comments
May 11, 2009
by Chris Weiss

I Stand With You

Anyone who actually gets this thing is clearly whipped beyond all hope. What's next--a tube that attaches directly to you and funnels the urine neatly into the toilet bowl? Actually, they probably already have that somewhere. Stand up for your dignity!

May 11, 2009
by Anonymous

There is far more spray that

There is far more spray that occurs during the flush. I suggest that if someone puts these in place in your abode or theirs, that you promptly wee in the sink instead. After all it is more like a urinal.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

hmmmm

just SIT. no point in wasting $60 or $50. wow.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

So...

...men should stand up for their right to piss all over the floor?

Better, men should learn to pee straight.

I'm a man, and I realise this article is in jest. But it is a real problem (men peeing on the floor), and I think a man who continually makes a mess of the bathroom doesn't deserve his masculinity.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Maybe men should clean up

Maybe men should clean up their own piss

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Standing up for myself

Women also say men should pee sitting down, but I find I cannot empty my bladder properly unless I stand.

BTW: many men do clear up their own mistakes. I

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Ha

If my wife bought one of these, the first thing I'd do was pee on it in protest.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Been kneeling to pee for years

I have been kneeling to pee for years because I was tired of spraying piss all over the commode. I kneel on my right knee and hang it over the edge. No big deal and you don't need to buy a stupid little stool.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

It's fine to stand and pee

It's fine to stand and pee as long as you clean the walls and floor on a regular basis. Toilets are just not made for standing and peeing.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

I can see it now

the elderly will love this they have enough trouble sitting down let alone trying to stand after being on their knee's

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

John Davis

LOL< you have to admit that is pretty funny.

RT
www.privacy-resources.us.tc

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Yikes

My heart goes out to the Japanese male. You might as well make them sit down and pee, being able to stand and go to the bathroom is one of the great things about being a man. You will never take that away from us!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Just Sit!

Why not just pee sitting down? That's what I always do. Much more convenient, and screw anyone who says anything about masculinity.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Read the story again

They're not talking about bad aim here, they're talking about the stream of urine splashing against the water when it enters the bowl and that is what gets on the floor. I've noticed it before when wearing shorts... it kind of sucks, but then again the drops are so small anyhow that I don't really get bent out of shape about it.

However, I do agree with you that some guys need to work on their aim a bit. Men's room toilets and urinals are sometimes enough to give a guy nightmares.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Thats heavy

Dude, 120 Kilos is insane...12 maybe?

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Pierre Quimous

Lol. I can't imagine people chatting about this. God bless america & japan ^^ Here in France we know how to deal with this : we chose adapted bowls shapes and we piss straight to avoid any trouble FOR US (and not to please our women whom views we don't care about this particular gender difference : It's absurd like if a man would complain about troubles a woman creates when blocking up the water collecting system with her lost long hairs. Who cares ? It's their life ! They have long hairs, we have penis(not related, though) ! And complaining is an absolute preferred female behavior.

(sry for poor vocabulary)

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Taller Toilets

Screw this. I saw we invent taller toilets with steps on the side that our women must climb to mount.... just tall enough for us to "reduce our spillage"...... If it's such a problem then rethink the toilet.... don't bring a man to his knees.... and shoot..... since they love to talk about exercising a little climbing won't hurt....

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

They aren't that far from

They aren't that far from the bowl to start with...

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Just get a taller toilet

Just get a taller toilet

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Simple solution.

Clean up after yourself and there won't be a problem.

But to be fair, public women's bathrooms are more horrible than the men's room will ever be. I am a woman who has had the pleasure (er, if you can call it that) of performing janitorial duties in the past and I will never be able to understand how someone who sits on the can to begin with can still manage to get 90% of their urine on the seat. It's disgusting.

Oh, and I also hate mothers who let their toddler sons (or daughters) pee on the seat and then leave it there. Clean up after your damned offspring!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

If you were my husband..

You would then be spending a nice, long time cleaning it up. :)

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Perfect b-day gift for my boyfriend!

Freaken tired of his piss all over. Disgusting. Keep freaken telling him to freaken be careful, sit and clean after himself. He doesn't. So gross! It's not demeaning, you clean up after disgusting piss and then talk to me about. I will freaken find it and he better freaken use it.

If you don't want to use the contraption then don't freaken leave pee splatter all over the floor and bowl. And CLEAN after yourself!!!!!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Your bladder will actually

Your bladder will actually be compressed and empty more fully if you sit.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

wha?

I have lived with my fiancee for 3 years now and he has never had a problem with urine.
Now every once in a while one of his friends will use the bathroom and afterward my bathroom looks like he took a sprinkler to it.

so i am going to take a stab in the dark and guess that it has everything to do with the mans aim and how considerate he is. (then again my fiancee and i take turns cleaning everything including the bathroom.

or maybe it has something to do with the amount of teeth being scraped during a blowjob... i will have to talk to my friends girlfriends...

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Sit to pee

Sitting down while peeing is what makes women live longer than men. ;-)

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Nor right.

Ummm. . . Traditionally Japanese do not use western- style toilets. They usually squat over a small basin on the floor. I don't see a use for this product in most Japanese homes.

May 12, 2009
by Steve Levenstein
Steve Levenstein's picture

Yes right

You obviously haven't been to Japan lately - the "squat toilet" to which you prefer is a rarity in Japanese metropolitan areas. It may be "traditional" but so is the outhouse, doesn't mean either are the norm these days. Besides, why would a Japanese company invent this thing if it wasn't practical for use in most Japanese homes?

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

heyyy!!

Isn't the "splash factor" the reason men wear socks. I know I just use my foot to make a clean sweap around the bowl at my house.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Use a stool

I actually have to stand on a stool when I pee standing up. Otherwise, my willie hangs in the water and gets wet.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Japanese Toilets

To Nor Right.

hah. you seriously need to get out of your own 3rd world country of america and visit Japan.. they are renown for their hygiene.. especially when it comes to toilets. they have robotic toilets that shoot water at your backside when your all done. no toilet paper required.

however, this contraption of kneeling down to piss is ridiculous.. I might consider this when women decide that its far more disgusting to throw away used tampons in the garbage.. perhaps creating a biohazard femme garbage that incinerates immediately in order to prevent bleeding genital left overs from infecting the masses.