Kneeling Bench Keeps Toilet Splashes (and Pride) to a Minimum

by Steve Levenstein

"Japanese men brought to their knees by angry housewives"... this headline brought to you by the makers of the Tenshi no Hizamakura, literally "Angels Knee Pillow", a bizarre kneeling bench cum toilet cleanliness device designed to reduce the distance from the pole to the pool by bringing proud men to their knees. I ask you, how could they stoop so low?

Since using the toilet is (usually) a private matter, we can also ask WHY this humiliating device is necessary in the first place. Here comes the science: according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.

Naturally, the ladies are P.O.'d... and when a Japanese woman is expected to become a toilet cleaner on a regular basis, you can bet urine trouble. The Tenshi no Hizamakura is the answer to a Japanese woman's dreams (and the cause of Japanese men's nightmares).

The Angels Knee Pillow kneeling bench comes in two different models to suit your bathroom budget. The deluxe DX style costing 5,800 yen (about $60) is a two-piece ensemble that oddly resembles a pair of prayer benches, scrolled trim and all. I know one is expected to kneel before the throne, but then unzip and let fly?

The cheaper "Eco" toilet bench costs just 4,800 yen (about $50) and is a one-piece design that from above resembles a peanut. Or pee-nut, as it were. The toilet benches are rated at up to 120 kg (265 lbs) of bearable weight so beefy types have an excuse that will allow them to retain their dignity. Both kneelers can be tucked away at the side of the toilet to prevent them from being spattered by those who refuse to use them - just wait 'til the wife sees that!

I implore all male toilet users (you know who you are), Japanese or otherwise, to protest the purchase of this infernal, masculinity-robbing contraption. Only about 280 of the evil things have been sold so far - far too many, in this man's opinion.

Guys, it's time to make a stand, literally, because standing at the toilet to answer one of nature's calls is what makes men men. We stand tall, and we stand proud - and the higher we stand, the prouder we are! Refuse the Angels Knee Pillow for God's sake... now let us spray. (via Tokyo Times, c/o Degenerasian)

Steve Levenstein
J A P A N O R A M A
InventorSpot.com

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Comments

Submitted on May 14th, 2009 by Anonymous

I don't know...Japanese women are pretty hot.

If your aim is a bit off use

Submitted on May 15th, 2009 by Anonymous

If your aim is a bit off use a wad of toilet paper and wipe down the rim of the bowl. Takes only seconds and leaves no trace that you were ever there. It's the right thing to do. If it takes more than that you should seriously consider a catheter.

just stand on it

Submitted on May 16th, 2009 by Anonymous

If someone tries to make you use one... just agree... and stand up on it... the extra 4-8 inches of height should let the remaining mess describe exactly how you feel...

Sit DOWN!

Submitted on May 16th, 2009 by Anonymous

People who piss standing up are selfish dirty jerks!

i'm a male, and i dont find

Submitted on May 18th, 2009 by Anonymous

i'm a male, and i dont find any pride in standing,
in fact, i'm so lazy, i sit to pee anyway

Yes, they do. It's called a

Submitted on May 18th, 2009 by Anonymous

Yes, they do. It's called a catheter.

naw

Submitted on May 18th, 2009 by Anonymous

thats what women like you are for

Pee kneeler

Submitted on May 19th, 2009 by Anonymous

They should invent something that automatically wipes a womans pubes so that she doesn't drip piss on the seat when she stands back up.... at least blokes can give theirs a shake.

Peeing is a completely private matter

Submitted on May 26th, 2009 by Anonymous

Peeing is a completely private matter -- no one cares about how
you pee and no one looks -- that is why there are locks on the
bathroom doors. So, you can pee anyway you like -- including onto the
walls and floor of the bathroom (as my male cousins did when they
were 5 years old). Since bathrooms are shared, we simply ask that you
clean up your own mess after you do your business! That is all!
The cushion was invented to help you behave in a civilized, considerate,
and responsible manner. A better idea is to have your own bathroom.
Then you can piss everywhere in it and not clean up, since you will be
the only one using that toilet. Your anger about how "standing up to
pee defines a man" simply reveals your own insecurity about your own
masculinity. No one gives a shit about the manner in which you pee
except you. The rest of us are only concerned that your stinking
inconsiderate mess is all inside the toilet, but if you clean up
your own urine, no one has a problem!

It's because they are

Submitted on May 31st, 2009 by Anonymous

It's because they are germaphobic and hover with their butts inches above the stool rather than sit down. It's like the ones who drape toilet paper all over and into the stool and floor and then just leave it. I have thought about putting a sign on the inside of the door so they won't see it until they leave: "Caution, the germs are on the toilet paper."

Kneeling for years

Submitted on June 16th, 2009 by Anonymous

I guess when you have to kneel because your cellmate makes you, you get used to it. Now that you're not in prison anymore and you're not his bitch, you can stand up if you would like. Go ahead, live off the edge.