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Kneeling Bench Keeps Toilet Splashes (and Pride) to a Minimum


"Japanese men brought to their knees by angry housewives"... this headline brought to you by the makers of the Tenshi no Hizamakura, literally "Angels Knee Pillow", a bizarre kneeling bench cum toilet cleanliness device designed to reduce the distance from the pole to the pool by bringing proud men to their knees. I ask you, how could they stoop so low?




Since using the toilet is (usually) a private matter, we can also ask WHY this humiliating device is necessary in the first place. Here comes the science: according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.

Naturally, the ladies are P.O.'d... and when a Japanese woman is expected to become a toilet cleaner on a regular basis, you can bet urine trouble. The Tenshi no Hizamakura is the answer to a Japanese woman's dreams (and the cause of Japanese men's nightmares).




The Angels Knee Pillow kneeling bench comes in two different models to suit your bathroom budget. The deluxe DX style costing 5,800 yen (about $60) is a two-piece ensemble that oddly resembles a pair of prayer benches, scrolled trim and all. I know one is expected to kneel before the throne, but then unzip and let fly?

The cheaper "Eco" toilet bench costs just 4,800 yen (about $50) and is a one-piece design that from above resembles a peanut. Or pee-nut, as it were. The toilet benches are rated at up to 120 kg (265 lbs) of bearable weight so beefy types have an excuse that will allow them to retain their dignity. Both kneelers can be tucked away at the side of the toilet to prevent them from being spattered by those who refuse to use them - just wait 'til the wife sees that!



I implore all male toilet users (you know who you are), Japanese or otherwise, to protest the purchase of this infernal, masculinity-robbing contraption. Only about 280 of the evil things have been sold so far - far too many, in this man's opinion.

Guys, it's time to make a stand, literally, because standing at the toilet to answer one of nature's calls is what makes men men. We stand tall, and we stand proud - and the higher we stand, the prouder we are! Refuse the Angels Knee Pillow for God's sake... now let us spray. (via Tokyo Times, c/o Degenerasian)

UPDATE: For those of us in the U.S., no optimized toilet kneeling bench is available. So we will have to make do with using these general gardening and meditation kneeling benches

To see more noteworthy Japanese inventions, sign up for my latest articles here,

Steve Levenstein
J A P A N O R A M A
InventorSpot.com

Comments
May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

James

HMm these would also be good to put your feet up when your are pooping

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

I would not make any

I would not make any assumptions that this artical is a joke. The people in Japan, can create some horrible horrible things, and honestly use them.

Need I remind everyone of the Vending machines with user under-garments? I rest my case.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

RE; Tampons being flushed

As a plumber who takes clogged toilet calls on a regular basis, let me tell you that flushing tampons (or as we like to call them, Little white mice) down the toilet is NOT the solution. It's a pretty good way to clog your drains and make a plumber angry, however. use the garbage, seriously!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

sounds very sanitary.

sounds very sanitary. anyone who thinks a man is not a man for using this is a dirtbag and doesn't see that splashing urine back on to yourself is filthy mcnasty.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

A Lady who is sick of you idiots and your bathroom habits

Fantastic!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

simple answer

You don't splash if you just aim in the bowl where the is no water (that area between the lip of the bowl and the where the water starts). Duh. That solves the problem of sitting or standing and being clean and then you don't have to waste your money buying one of these things

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

I pee standing up during the

I pee standing up during the day, clean up with toilet paper if I do miss or drip and sit down at night because I do not want to wake anyone with the light. Problem solved!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

Priorities a bit skewed?

Umm, are people really basing their dignity on the position they're in to pee?

Seriously, what's with the "I proudly pee standing up!" comments? Is this kindergarten? At the same time, sitting or kneeling to pee is just asinine. Admitedly, my partaking in this conversation is equally so, but when in Rome...

As a side note, every civilized man knows to seek the great outdoors when doing the deed. Nothing like some cold wind on the wang!

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

I have to

My penis is so tiny that I have to kneel otherwise I pee on my fingers.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

urinal etiquette

Good comments on both sides of the argument. Yes; piss splashes all over the place while you're standing. I had to replace a baseboard heater that had all but rusted away for just that reason. Yes; it's cleaner to just sit and piss, but some guys just won't do it. As for your aim, it makes no difference. My bog faces south, so on a sunny day its obvious that no matter how hard you try, you see the droplets going all over the place.

May 12, 2009
by Anonymous

They really can make anything look cute!

Seriously, the Japanese can make anything appear cute! I mean, it's difficult to make something like this cute, but they managed to do it! Impressive!

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

Really?

Masculinity is based on peeing standing up? I didn't realize it was so easy to demasculate. Silly me, thinking a man was a man because he's a man, and not because he pees standing up.

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

fail

Wouldn't it be better to just raise the toilet to a more reasonable height?

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

Dex

And yet no woman likes the man to leave the seat up which would alleviate some of the problem.

Fuck the japs. I bought my toilet, and if I want to piss in it, on it, around it, or over it, I'm going to.

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

The pussification of America

The pussification of America has apparently spread around the world.
Anyone that sits to piss is either a woman or a homo.

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

A woman that tries to prove how much of a man she is is not very

A woman that tries to prove how much of a man she is is not very much of a woman, if any at all.

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

If you make a mess, you clean it up!

This invention wouldn't even exist if men would learn to clean up their own damn piss. Your wife/girlfriend is not supposed to be your second mommy!

May 13, 2009
by Anonymous

I don't get it

why can't the girls just clean up our piss and quit whining. Take away their dishwashers and washing machines and this starts looking like an easy job.

May 14, 2009
by Anonymous

reply

I don't know...Japanese women are pretty hot.

May 15, 2009
by Anonymous

If your aim is a bit off use

If your aim is a bit off use a wad of toilet paper and wipe down the rim of the bowl. Takes only seconds and leaves no trace that you were ever there. It's the right thing to do. If it takes more than that you should seriously consider a catheter.

May 16, 2009
by Anonymous

just stand on it

If someone tries to make you use one... just agree... and stand up on it... the extra 4-8 inches of height should let the remaining mess describe exactly how you feel...

May 17, 2009
by Anonymous

Sit DOWN!

People who piss standing up are selfish dirty jerks!

May 18, 2009
by Anonymous

i'm a male, and i dont find

i'm a male, and i dont find any pride in standing,
in fact, i'm so lazy, i sit to pee anyway

May 18, 2009
by Anonymous

Yes, they do. It's called a

Yes, they do. It's called a catheter.

May 18, 2009
by Anonymous

naw

thats what women like you are for

May 19, 2009
by Anonymous

Pee kneeler

They should invent something that automatically wipes a womans pubes so that she doesn't drip piss on the seat when she stands back up.... at least blokes can give theirs a shake.

May 26, 2009
by Anonymous

Peeing is a completely private matter

Peeing is a completely private matter -- no one cares about how
you pee and no one looks -- that is why there are locks on the
bathroom doors. So, you can pee anyway you like -- including onto the
walls and floor of the bathroom (as my male cousins did when they
were 5 years old). Since bathrooms are shared, we simply ask that you
clean up your own mess after you do your business! That is all!
The cushion was invented to help you behave in a civilized, considerate,
and responsible manner. A better idea is to have your own bathroom.
Then you can piss everywhere in it and not clean up, since you will be
the only one using that toilet. Your anger about how "standing up to
pee defines a man" simply reveals your own insecurity about your own
masculinity. No one gives a shit about the manner in which you pee
except you. The rest of us are only concerned that your stinking
inconsiderate mess is all inside the toilet, but if you clean up
your own urine, no one has a problem!

May 31, 2009
by Anonymous

It's because they are

It's because they are germaphobic and hover with their butts inches above the stool rather than sit down. It's like the ones who drape toilet paper all over and into the stool and floor and then just leave it. I have thought about putting a sign on the inside of the door so they won't see it until they leave: "Caution, the germs are on the toilet paper."

Jun 16, 2009
by Anonymous

Kneeling for years

I guess when you have to kneel because your cellmate makes you, you get used to it. Now that you're not in prison anymore and you're not his bitch, you can stand up if you would like. Go ahead, live off the edge.