Issued in the summer of 1991, Patent #5,031,161, the Lifetime Expectancy Timepiece consists of a starting mechanism for causing the timer to begin measuring the elapsed time from the moment of birth and includes a processor programmed to measure it. Seeming truly like an overlooked plot straight out of The Twilight Zone, this Life Expectancy Timepiece has always had a questionable market value. Even know-it-alls really deep down don’t want to know all. The grand scheme of things places us here and now and we are not advised to question it, lest we disappear.
But this unique watch has a lot of nerve and it does know almost all things. It determines life expectancy for the time that remains by referring to a combination of health factors and actuarial tables that are set into the watch for the express purpose of being a pain in areas too polite to mention. How much time do you have left? Should you start any long novels or make any long trips up and down the sides of Mt. Kilimanjaro? Ask the Life Expectancy Time Piece. Don’t ask me.
Check out Joshua Khan’s funny piece, “8 Ugly Watches That Might Tell Time” and Amused and Bemused’s witty article: “Ten Things You Don't Need”
Do not send to ask for whom the bell tolls. Simply check this stupid timepiece and it will keep track of and inform you of your declining time on earth.
I just have one question:
If this watch breaks down, whom do I ask then?
* I was unable to find the actual patent of this British invention and so I lnked to the inventor's actual application for it.