When I first read about the $13 a roll Japanese toilet paper, I thought it had to be a joke. Seriously, who wipes their rear with something that should be hung on the wall as art? Alas, no. Japan has long been the bastion of products many Americans consider weird and wacky. Why would high “end” toilet paper be the exception?
Super-expensive luxury toilet paper might be the perfect gift for that person in your lifewho has everything. The best part about this paper, besides that it's true, is that the toilet paper only comes as part of a “Toilet Paper of the Month” club promotion. That’s right. Subscribe to the TPOTM and get one roll of ridiculously beautiful TP.
Beautiful Japanese Toilet Paper
See? It's beautiful! The caption translates to: "The ultimate softness. Feels as if your skin is being gently swathed in silk."
Like I’ve always said, rich people have more money than sense. This might prove that. Once a month, the company delivers a roll of this stuff directly to your door. One wonders if you have to opt out of this month’s Director’s Selection, like at Columbia House. What ever happened to using corncobs and old Sears Roebuck catalogs in the privy?
Cost-Benefit Analysis of Expensive Toilet Paper
We all agree your naughty bits deserve the best, especially us ladies who use a bit more of the wiping stuff than men. Consider the weekly cost this Japanese toilet paper would be for us. Say you use three rolls a week, just by yourself. That adds up to $104 a week in TP just for one gal. Add in a family, and you have just priced yourself out of a home, negating the need for purchasing toilet paper anyway.
WTF Packaging - Japan Wins
Granted, this stuff is beautiful. According to our Japanese toilet paper manufacturing friends, each roll comes in a handmade Kyoto washi artisan box. The interior of the toilet paper box is adorned in silver leaf. I am not making this up.
The toilet paper is wrapped in decorator Tosa washi paper from the Kochi Prefecture, and it is made from Canadian paper pulp. The printed designs are Japanese modern, carefully designed to look stylish regardless of where the paper is torn from the roll. They are admittedly quite gorgeous.
Expensive Toilet Paper Packaging
This packaging does the product justice. The Japanese language caption reads, "Created by the most fastidious of fastidious artisans. The ultimate softness and Japanese modern design. Each roll is carefully selected for production." Wow.
Unique Production Methods For Expensive Toilet Paper
In case you worry that every rear in the world will have this stuff, Mochizuki Seishi’s Designer Toilet Paper is produced in small lots. Much like the best wines, only 150 rolls are produced in any given day. The limited production is the secret to high quality, claims the manufacturer. The maker of each roll hand signs the roll with their name and the date.
Each piece is checked individually for quality according to the ads. Does this mean each square? Or each roll? Inquiring minds want to know. What we do know is that the company president claims to have personally product tested the paper on his own skin for ten years.
The ultimate toilet paper factory in Japan adjusts their production methods daily, accounting for temperature and humidity. No two days’ rolls are made alike. The general production method is “made like pancakes,” dried carefully so the bottom doesn’t burn and the middle doesn’t stay doughy. Time, it seems, is no object when producing Japanese toilet paper.
Finest Materials For Toilet Paper In Japan
Only the finest water from the clearest stream in Japan is used in the production of this toilet paper. The Niyodo River ranked first in the 2010 Japanese National River Water Quality Ranking. This Japanese toilet paper is fit for an emperor or for framing.
Here in America, the best we get is joke-printed toilet paper like this stuff for newlyweds I found on Amazon. That makes a statement all it’s own, I’m afraid.
Bride and Groom Toilet Paper
So, seriously, WTF America? Where is OUR cool-ass printed expensive toilet paper fad?