13 Perfect Gifts For 13 Types Of Mother-In-Laws
Face it. Most of us grow up in semi-neurotic homes where things may seem to be perfect from the outside, but inside the cage there's a lot of feather ruffling. Once we're grown, we get married and bring our neuroses along with those of our parents to our new spouses - whose neuroses, thankfully, seem much worse than our own. The worst neurotics in our families are then, by fable or truth, our mother-in-laws (MILs). I've identified 13 types of MILs and found 13 absolutely perfect gifts for them - if you dare!
If you don't dare give these gifts to your MIL, at least you can amuse yourselves by thinking about giving them while you look at 10 Best Low Budget Gift Ideas For Those With Back Pain or 5 Best Vacuums For Pet Owners or 4 Anti-Aging Devices That Really Work for more thoughtful MIL ideas.
1. The Menopausal Mother-In-Law
Menopause is a rough time and it can put a rough edge on the nicest mother-in-law. But sometimes, that rough edge is just an excuse for being extremely mean, instead of just being mean. Either way, your MIL really should be reminded that she's not the most pleasant person to have around. The 7 Stages of Menopause Wall Sign can be used as a helpful reference for whatever mood she is currently in and handy when trying to figure out how best to deal with her.
2. The Hypochondriac Mother-In-Law
Yes, you know. A headache means she has brain cancer and a cut on her finger means she's a hemophiliac. No, not a hemophiliac; a hypochondriac. What's the perfect gift? The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You: A Guide to Self-Diagnosis for Hypochondriacs by Knock Knock Books. At least she will complain more knowledgeably.
3. The Nagging Mother-In-Law
One of the most common problems with mother-in-laws are that they often nag, or at least seem like they're nagging when they keep repeating, 'You should do this. You should do that.' This solution is not exactly a gift for you MIL, but one for you! It's the (Laugh Out Loud) LOL Rollover Dog. (Also available in LOL Rollover Monkey and LOL Rollover Pig.) When she starts nagging, get your dog to rollover laughing!
4. The Yappy Mother-In-Law
Yack, yack, yack. She talks and talks and pays no attention to the fact that you are leaving the room; she follows you to the bathroom if she's in the middle of a saga about her neighbor's sister's boyfriend... which she never stopped to think might just not interest you. You want to scream at the top of your lungs, "Shut up, will you!" but your spouse will killlll you. So, how about this book? Listening: The Forgotten Skill, A Self-Teaching Guide. Too much of a hint? Or not enough?
5. The Alcoholic Mother-In-Law
She'll drink whatever you happen to serve and she'll drink all of it and then look for more. You could recommend Alcoholics Anonymous or you could just encourage her to bring her own in this WineRack Bra.
6. The Ultra Religious Mother-In-Law
Always preaching to you, you will surely go to Hell if you don't listen to this MIL. She's praying for your soul, but you'll never get to Heaven, especially if you give her these Jesus Bandages with a free toy inside.
7. The Ultra Religious, Alcoholic Mother-In-Law
Let's tuck a flask in her Good Book, so she can hide her sin wherever she goes. And don't forget to include a note warning her to drink responsibly.
8. The Tacky Mother-In-Law
All those awwful gifts she brings you... the figurines that she expects to see displayed when she comes to your home. Why not buy her a figurine that's hard to beat when it comes to 'tacky.' Let me introduce you to the Mooning Garden Gnome.
9. The Snobby Mother-In-Law
She's above the fray, and certainly above you and your budget. She buys everything from Neiman Marcus or some European boutique. It's time to play her game. Package your gift in a shopping bag or, better yet, a gift box, tissue, and ribbon from a high-end store (pay for it, if you have to). On the other hand, maybe you should just give her the box - empty.
10. The Husband-Obsessed Mother-In-Law
This MIL really needs a man. When you go out with her, she's always trying to impress the nearest middle aged man - even if he's with his wife! She's persistent about asking you to find her a nice date and you just don't want to be in the position of fixing up your MIL! Why not help her indirectly? There's a book for everything, you know. And How To Marry Money will give her real tips on how to meet men, and rich ones at that.
11. The 'You're Not Good Enough For My Daughter' Mother-In-Law
Oh, yeah? Well, if you think I'm not good enough, you need to see this movie! Son-In-Law. (This is actually pretty funny!)
12. The Cheap Mother-In-Law
She's always crying poor, but she's really just cheap. She sponges off you, never picks up the check, and asks you to do her shopping - always conveniently forgetting to pay you back. The Economic Stimulus Checks are designed to stimulate spending. Give your cheap MIL her own Stimulus Check to stimulate her spending. These checks come in a package of 25, so you can make this gift to your MIL for several occasions. (This item is no longer available, but this rubber check is.)
13. The Know It All Mother-In-Law
Whether she does or doesn't genuinely know a lot, know it all MILs are as annoying as as a mosquito bite on your bum. The Book of General Ignorance: Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong is sure to challenge her; at least it will keep her busy for awhile.
Keeping you posted...