Urine is a powerful repellent and can be used to get rid of unwanted pests. For hunters, farmers, and trappers, this is not news. But for those of us who live in the city, where our hunting skills are about as advanced as whacking a roach over the head with a slipper, this information might not only be new, but useful.
Basically, it works like this: the presence of a predator's urine will instill the fear factor among its prey, and the prey will leave the area.
If you're a mouse, for example, most urine will have you quaking in your boots. But if you're further along on the predatory scale, something like a big cat, in the world of wee you are a big cheese.
So if your apartment in Manhattan happens to be overrun with beavers - maybe you've overdone it with the water displays - a couple squirts of fox urine should do the trick.
A possible concern is that you may have to go and get the urine yourself. Relax, someone has already done that for you (though I don't know how and it's probably not something I want to watch). In fact, I just happen to have a picture of a bottle of fox urine below.
Now there may be a slight downside to using urine as a repellant. From what I can gather, while it sends prey fleeing, it seems it has the opposite effect on its own kind, meaning that fox urine will attract other foxes.
In short, if you use too much of this stuff you're going to have a fox problem.
But not to worry. To get rid of the foxes you'll just need to get your hands on some bobcat urine. It's probably best not to follow that last sentence literally. At least get yourself a pair of gloves first.
Again, I've been able to get a picture of bobcat urine, which in fact looks remarkably like fox urine.
Great. Fantastic. The foxes are gone, and now you can relax and get some rest.
The problem is that other bobcats really like each other's wee. So while you may be totally free of skunk, beaver, racoon, possum, rabbit, deer and pretty much anything else on four legs, there's a good chance more bobcats will show up at your front door looking for whoever's got their hands on all the piddle.
Which happens to be you.
But fear not. If you do find yourself in this situation and can't make it in to work because you're surrounded by bobcats (that excuse is going to be hard to pull off, by the way), all you need to do is to pick up some wolf urine.
And the wolf urine will solve your bobcat problem.
The problem with this, as you've probably guessed, is that now you're surrounded by wolves.
I know what you're thinking. What gets rid of wolves?
All this has got me thinking.
Silent Roar is pellets soaked in lion poop. It works just like urine. The smell of the poo scares off all the other animals. Except maybe elephants. But if you've got an elephant problem, you're on your own. People use Silent Roar to keep cats from pooping in their yards.
Lately, I've been having trouble with Larry, my next door neighbor, and frankly at this stage I think he needs to move.
So taking my cue from the natural world, last night I did a big wee outside his bedroom window. I don't know if it'll work, but I can tell you this much: Buffalo, NY at 2 am with your pajamas around your ankles is a bit brisk.