Russian Urine Exported to America: New, Improved Product?
The website selling the urine (http://urina-ru.narod.ru/ click on English translation) has a massive slogan that in English reads: “Russian Urine Against Doctor’s Scalpel,” which in the Russian language comes out in rhyme. They have been in operation since 2000, spreading joy and doing well by carefully selecting candidates so that buyers can be absolutely assured that they are receiving 100% Russian urine! (It is not known if these people have a side business, which entails selling snow to Eskimos, but perhaps the truth is now out.)
In all seriousness, candidates who wish to be considered donors must pass a genetic examination, a family tree check through the state archives and numerous interviews and consultations with the psychologist in charge. The website asserts that Russian urine, which comes from the “life-giving part of the human body,” contains some unique healing powers and that their statements can be backed by hundreds of years of traditionalists using the urine for healing purposes. (I wonder of the Brooklyn Bridge is available for sale? Perhaps these people can sell that too?)
Believe it or not, there are a few “types” of urine that are being exported from this website. The “Sea Breeze,” (yes, you heard me) “Hunter’s brew”, “Not Filtered”, and “Original.” They differ in taste (ugh) and in pharmacological characteristics.
The website also sells big bottles for gathering the urine, made of special plastics that automatically make the urine gathered in the bottle ready to use, and some more sophisticated apparatus called “The Separator”, for brewing special sorts of urine at home from your own raw source. They say that device was awarded at UNESCO contest of innovations, and was developed by the Russian Sechenov Institute.
There seems little more to say.
After all, what could logically follow a piece like this?
M Dee Dubroff