Need This? Spongebob Squarepants Rectal Thermometer

Rectal thermometers are like septic tanks - unpleasant, but vital. And while we're happy they exist, we don't want to get personally involved. Most importantly, neither should ever try to be something they're not. So who thought this intrusive piece of medical machinery needed to sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme ?

I wouldn't look that happy if I was going where he's going

Did they think this would make things better? Listen closely, thermometer makers: there are some things that can be made better, and some that can't. Rear-end temperature taking can't. The device could dispense donuts while teleporting cheerleaders into the room and not make the experience one bit more bearable.

"Think of the children!" you might say, "This popular Nicktoons character is obviously for the children!" This is even worse for the kids - not only are they medically traumatized, they now associate that experience with their former foamy friend. All you've done is ruin their favorite TV show.

You can use it for armpit or oral testing as well, but let us make something very clear: if it is ever used in someone's behind, it better not be used anywhere else. And it had better not sing. (Buy here)