The Top Ten Weird and Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks
by Steve Levenstein
Japan has a drinking problem... but if you've got a thirst for adventure, it's where you want to be.
In honor (or in horror) of these bizarre beverages seemingly not fit to rinse your septic tank, raise a cracked glass to the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks, our first ten inductees into the Soft Drink Hell of Fame... Jeers!
Our rundown of the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks gives a pretty good indication why most of the 1000 or so new soft drinks and beverages launched in Japan every year fail miserably.
Look on the bright side, though: they may not be good to drink, but you can't say they're not good for a laugh.
10) Pepsi Ice Cucumber: It's lean, green and sounds obscene
When American companies introduce products tailored for foreign tastes, we often experience discomfiting culture shock. Sort of like when Homer Simpson uses his toaster time machine to go back 10 million years, steps on a slug, and then comes back to an oddly different world. Maybe that really did happen, and Springfield is now Tokyo!
Exhibit A: Pepsi Ice Cucumber, introduced to the Japanese soft drinks market and Pepsi vending machines on June 12th (2007) and to our Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks listing immediately thereafter. Pepsi? Good... Cucumbers? Great! Cucumber-flavored Pepsi? DOH!!
9) Hot Calpis: the drink that makes you think - about NOT drinking it
Cue suave voiceover: "Next time you're out on the town with the one you love, treat her to a cup of Hot Calpis"... then trudge home alone after she pours it over your head. Yes, delicious Calpis - I can't even read it without grinning - is known as Calpico in other countries (for obvious reasons) and is one of Japan's most popular and enduring soft drinks .
Milk-based with a sweet yogurt taste, Calpis comes in original and a variety of fruit flavors. Some drink vending machines offer this bizarre beverage hot... steaming hot.
8) Coolpis: Who wouldn't want to drink something with a name like Coolpis?
Ahh, refreshing Coolpis... THE soft drink to offer guests - before removing their blindfolds. Actually a Korean copy of the disturbingly named Calpis, Coolpis comes in Peach flavor and (stop reading now, if you can...) Kimchee flavor.
Kimchee, for those unacquainted, is a traditional Korean dish made from fermented cabbage and LOTS of red pepper. Makes Peach flavored Coolpis almost appealing, doesn't it? Anyone for a Calpis vs. Coolpis taste test? We could call it a pis-ing contest.
7) Mother's Milk: the breast-tasting drink ever!
And now, for something close to the heart... Mother's Milk. Is there anything in the world more wholesome, more natural, more life-giving than mother's milk? Is there anything in the world that would make you drink it from a store bought carton? NO, on both counts. If I was a baby, maybe, but not from an udder - I mean, another - mother!
I shudder to think of the scene inside one of the manufacturer's factories... those poor farmgirls, milkmaids or what have you, shackled up to cold, pitiless machines that never, ever stop... and then I woke up.
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by Anonymous (not verified)
The Kimchee drink is Korean,
The Kimchee drink is Korean, or at least the writing on the package suggests so.
by Steve Levenstein
...but distributed in Japan
So it says in the article, but since it's distributed in Japan you can still have that comparo with Calpis - if you dare!
by Anonymous (not verified)
So obscene, numbers 1
So obscene, numbers 1 through 5 have been obscured for our safety!
by Michelle
Sorry about the glitch eith
Sorry about the glitch eith numbers 1 to 5. We had a slight mishap with the site this morning with some bad html coding.
It's back up now.
Michelle
by Kearns (not verified)
You missed 2 from the US
Can you believe that US children can drink Root BEER and Ginger ALE?
by Anonymous (not verified)
you forgot to add Picari
you forgot to add Picari Sweat to the list
by Ron S (not verified)
Yes.
Yes, we can. It's very popular in North America.
by Anonomoso (not verified)
Now where to get it..
I really want to order some of this stuff... Anybody have any idea how to? what site? I gotta have me some water salad...what in the world could that taste like???
by Anonymous (not verified)
What about Pocari Sweat?
What about Pocari Sweat?
by TV SHow (not verified)
ohnohs!
You missed out on Pokari Sweat (yes pokari sweat is the real name)! It's an energy drink!
http://inventorspot.com/comment/reply/5225 (Pocari Sweat Image)
by Tiago Silva (not verified)
The "Diet Water" surely has
The "Diet Water" surely has levocarnitine or other sort of bullshit.
Guaraná is harmless, if you don't ingest in copious amounts.
by Steve Levenstein
No sweat...
Pocari Sweat is pretty well known... I'm out to shock & awe ya'll. Y'never know, though, it might make it onto the Next 20 listing...
by Anonymous (not verified)
Whoa! Are you kidding me?!?!
Whoa! Are you kidding me?!?! Like, It's SOOO like strange that they don't drink coca-cola, sprite, coffee, tea and ginger ale all over the world! - especially the non-english speaking countries! you've just blown my mind... yes I'm being sarcastic. Welcome to century 20 - people in other countries like different things and don't necessarily blame beverages for the degeneration of their youth - which is why, I would hazard a guess in saying that the Japanese consumer watchdog saw nothing wrong with it. As an aside, the word "piss" does not necessarily translate to urine in Japanese. what are you going to find funny next? that they have words that sound like "f*ck you" in other languages dialects? grow a brain. The world does not revolve around the American market and yes, there are products out there with names that are not English based.
by KD (not verified)
You forgot Pocari Sweat!
You forgot Pocari Sweat! Good list though. I should try that cucumber pepsi before it goes off the shelves. Just for the experience....
by Anonymous (not verified)
And fix your blog to support
And fix your blog to support line breaks for comments!
by belg4mit (not verified)
Diet water
This is probably like the Belgian brand Contrex. It's marketed as diet under the supposition that the particular blend of minerals it contains aids in weight loss.
by Anonymous (not verified)
haha. laughing more at the
haha. laughing more at the douchebags that got upset than the actual drinks.
by Anonymous (not verified)
They sell calpico around
They sell calpico around here, it's actually pretty good.
by Joe (not verified)
More
Kirin makes these sodas:
Monkey Fizz
Salty Cat
Bloody Wolf
I've had Monkey Fizz. It's grape soda. With a little vinegar.
by Riot (not verified)
Cucumber Pepsi
Tried some yesterday, it's actually pretty good. Can't say I've tried the kimchee drink. Can't say I'm going to either :)
by Anonymous (not verified)
"Kidsbeer" in Denmark / Scandinavia
I allways had alcohol free beer as a kid - nothing odd there... Probably a lot healthier and more natural than carbonated, synthetic sugar water...
What we have here in Denmark is an low alcohol or alcohol free, very dark, very sweet beer called "hvidt øl" that is traditional around xmas, and normally also consumed by kids.
Historically before brewers were able to brew modern high alcohol beer, low alcohol beer was a cleaner, disease free alternative to drinking water in europe... and kids drank it too :)
by Anonymous (not verified)
I don't understand what's
I don't understand what's wrong with Kidsbeer.
Here in Germany, we tend to drink beer - real beer - at the age of 6 already.
by Anonymous (not verified)
what about asparagus
what about asparagus drink?
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
by Anonymous (not verified)
Asparagus Drink
Surely deserves some recognition for its weirdness
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
by Anonymous (not verified)
Asparagus Drink
What about asparagus drink?
http://www.kinglucky.com.tw/eng-product_f.htm
by Steve Levenstein
Chinese products can be funny too
The vile-sounding Asparagus Drink is weird in itself, that's for sure, but it's already been noted that i included a Korean drink (Coolpis) on the list even tho it's distributed in Japan. The Asparagas Drink comes from Taiwan.
by Anonymous (not verified)
I assume you mean Pocari
I assume you mean Pocari Sweat? At least in Korea that's what its called and it is quite good too.
by Anonymous (not verified)
Guaraná is actually a
Guaraná is actually a brazilian berry who happens to be the main ingredient of the second best selling soft drink in Brazil too. In its original formula, it resembles a darker champaign (in fact, the leader of the category is called Guarana Antarctica Champaign). There you go...
by Laurel Rinkya (not verified)
BIlk!
I guess this is a beer and not a soft drink, but it is bizarre!
Japan also has Bilk- Beer and Milk combined!
http://rinkya.blogspot.com/2007/01/bilk-goes-on-sale-tomorrow.html
by Steve Levenstein
Bilk??
Bilk?? I guess "Meer" was already taken by the Russians, for their space station. Great blog, Laura!
by Raku (not verified)
Here in the UK
Kids can buy shandy.....it even has alcohol in it!!!
by Anonymous (not verified)
there is no such thing in
there is no such thing in korea...
kimchee drink????? hmmmm no way...
yeah kimchee is korean food but it is also popular in Japan too
kimchee flavor drink is japanese idea
by Steve Levenstein
Shandy's dandy
How do they advertise it? It's the marketing campaign for Kidsbeer that struck me as even more bizarre than the drink itself. Shandy, Root Beer, & Ginger Ale all sound rather beer-ish but they don't sell themselves as, well, kid's beers. In Canada, a "shandy" is made with half a bottle of beer mixed with half a bottle of Ginger Ale - really good on a hot summer day!
by Myamii (not verified)
Hillarious!
Oh man, by the time I got to Kidsbeer I was laughing so hard I was crying. Thanks for the great post!
by Anonymous (not verified)
Boo
Not sure if Deepresso is the opposite of Expresso, but it may be the opposite of ESpresso!! Maybe check your own spelling and grammar before making fun.
by Steve Levenstein
Boo Boo
Well EX-cuuuuse me! And stop making fun of my spelling, lol!
by Kaishin (not verified)
and Bilk?
Where is the Bilk???
by Steve Levenstein
You want Bilk? You got Bilk!
http://www.japanprobe.com/?p=1059
Supposedly the same brewery also has "Scallop Beer"...
I may need to work up a "Next Ten" list.
by nate (not verified)
kids beer
Only america thinks beer is evil.
every other country thinks giving kids toy guns is much tougher to justify.
so long as beer is dirty and guns are for 5 year olds, the states will retain the highest murder rate.
by Tony Y (not verified)
Calpis
I've actually HAD Calpis (in New York actually, they sell em in this Japanese grocery store). It's actually pretty good. Pocari Sweat too...mmmm sweat. Actually, Pocari is just a sports drink/Gatorade kinda thing, but I think it tastes better than both the name suggests and Gatorade itself. Go try them, I recommend it. :)
by Steve Levenstein
No sweat
Pocari Sweat isn't bad at all, neither is Calpis - we get both on occasion from our local Japanese mart. My son loves Calpis, especially in a six-pack of juice boxes. So for those 2, the drink itself isn't weird, it's just the naming. Japanese advertisers like to play fast & loose with English - in Spain, "Water Salad" would probably be called "Salada de Agua" or something and wouldn't make anyone's list.
As for Pocari Sweat, it does sound odd but not odd enough for a Top 10 list, just too much good competition
by Bunny (not verified)
Wasabi and Curry flavored Ramune Drinks
I'm living in Japan for a year and at the supermarket yesterday we found wasabi flavored ramune (the pop with a marble sealing it) and curry flavored ramune... didn't dare try it. Tried the ice cucumber tho, that stuff is wierd... the after-taste is artificial cucumber, wierd.
by Bart (not verified)
Malk?
How about Malk? Now with Vitamin R!
by Anonymous (not verified)
where is this coolpis?
I've lived in Korea for 5 years and never seen Coolpis. Gunna go shopping for it now on my pisbreak. I'm guessing its a refrigerate after opening kinda beverage. Nothing worse than lukewarmpis.
by Anonymous (not verified)
coolpis Kimchi
I think the coolpis Kimchi is a photoshop. Coolpis is a real juice that is available in any supermarket. However, there is no Kimchi flavour available in South Korea. Unless the Japanese really really love Kimchi?
by Anonymous (not verified)
nice drink
that mother's milk sounds kinda cool. i wouldn't mind trying it...
by HidariMak (not verified)
Some US soft drinks aren't much better...
Jones Soda has a few candidates for any similar lists covering North American beverages. Turkey and gravy soda, pumpkin pie soda, brussel sprouts soda, cranberry soda, and pumpkin pie soda are some of their "contributions" to the industry. Jonessoda[dot]com in case you're doubting it.
by Drzzit (not verified)
drinks
wow, gotta have me one of those final fantasy drinks! haha
by Anonymous (not verified)
The Mother's Milk is fake.
The Mother's Milk is fake. Download your own do-it-yourself carton from advertising agency 570 Design:
http://www.570.co.jp/570room2003/papercraft/paper_milk.html
by Anonymous (not verified)
Diet water actually makes
Diet water actually makes you visit the toilet more often and quicker than you normally would, so it sheds your pounds as you drink it. Quite famous in France, a brand known as Contrex that does axactly that. Tastes artificially smooth and non-water like... a bit strange. And it makes your bowels go all gurgly in seconds. Mmmmm...