“Then put your little hand in mine...” The relentlessly repetitive digital clock radio that woke up Bill Murray's cursed weatherman character in the film Groundhog Day may have been the most annoying alarm clock EVAR, but this selection of 10 shocking sleepers' surprisers from Japan would give it a run for its money any day, every day. Sweet dreams... your worst nightmare lies in wait!
Handsome Man Alarm Clock
Talk about killing with kindness! The Handsome Man Bank (known in Japanese as the Ikemen Bank) will gently wake you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and leave you penniless. Basically, it's a man without the mess.
The seductive siren song of this devilish device shuts off faster than a fairweather friend, however, once the lovelorn lass withholds her coin deposits. No payin', no gain! Speaking of which, the Handsome Man Bank and alarm clock runs about 4,935 yen (just under $60)... before it even begins to run your love life. (via CutieGadget)
DangerBomb Alarm Clock
Here's the perfect gift for all you armchair MacGrubers out there. The DangerBomb Alarm Clock (just 2,534 yen or $30.50 at Rakuten) “goes off” three minutes before your preset wake time when an ominous voice begins a countdown to doom, instantly chasing the remnants of your dream date with (insert name of supermodel/actress/singer here) from your dazed, confused and panic-filled mind.
In this frenzied state, you're required to disconnect one of three colored wires or the clock will explode – OK, it'll make a very loud explosion sound, which is actually worse if you're hungover. Do you expect to oversleep? No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to wake up... or die trying. (via TokyoMango)
Countdown Alarm Clock
The Countdown Alarm Clock from Japan's Strapya World offers sleepers a different way of looking at time, in which every appointed hour is Zero Hour. Ideal for fans of the dramatic, this diabolical little 2x2x2” cube methodically counts down to any designated wake-up time up to 9,999 days away – that's 27 years for you Rip van Winkle types.
While its small size and compact profile make the Countdown Alarm Clock a seemingly ideal travel alarm clock, you really don't want your friendly TSA agent to come across it while he's rummaging through your, er, junk. Now that's one viral video I'd like to see! (via Japanorama)
Banclock Bank + Alarm Clock
Like the Handsome Man Alarm Clock, the Banclock Bank + Alarm Clock demands coins to function properly. Unlike that plastic purveyor of flattering compliments, however, your coins are necessary to shut it up. No cash on hand? Then prepare to endure 5 minutes of electronic beeping until you either pay up or, as the expression goes, break the bank.
The Banclock Bank + Alarm Clock costs 5,480 yen (around $65) at Strapya World and buyers should ensure they've not spent every hard-earned cent on their purchase – you'll want to have plenty of loose yen lying around to feed the beast when it gets money-hungry. You can get the Banclock in the US here.
Singing Dog Alarm Clock
Wee paws for station identification? Step right up and welcome to the cuteness that is the Singing Dog Alarm Clock! This is no mere novelty clock as it's made by Seiko (though it displays the brand name Pyxis) and presumably won't break the first time it awakens you to the cheery sound of Glenn Miller's classic "Little Brown Jug" – accompanied by a barking dog. YOU might break IT like, with your fist, but be aware such “ruff” treatment probably isn't covered under the warranty.
The Singing Dog Alarm Clock is available at Rakuten, Japan's largest online retailer, for just 4,200 yen or around $50. Definitely a “mutt's have” this holiday season! (via Seiko News)
Nostalgic Black Telephone Alarm Clock
Ever feel like you're living in a Film Noir from the Forties? Me neither, but the genre definitely has its fans and the Nostalgic Black Telephone Alarm Clock is as “noir” as the ace of Sam Spades. When the alarm goes off it sounds like an old-school Bell telephone. Pick up the tough ABS receiver, light up a Lucky Strike, and listen to a (presumably nylon-wearing) lady greet you with a spritely “Good morning! This is your wake-up call!”
Designed with vintage desk telephones in mind, the Nostalgic Black Telephone Alarm Clock features mod cons like an LCD digital display, battery backup and snooze function to extend The Big Sleep just a bit longer. Rakuten is offering the Nostalgic Black Telephone Alarm Clock for 2,900 yen or and for about $20 here in the US ... which in 1947 would buy you a spanking new Toyopet – in black, of course. (via Rakuten)
Gong! Alarm Clock
Let's get ready to... well, whatever you were planning on doing this morning! You may not be lucky enough to have a genuine Ring Girl traipse across your bedroom but the Gong! Alarm Clock is the next best thing... well, not really, but one can dream.
And what better way to end such a dream than the sound of a boxing referee's voice giving you a 10-count. Better hustle out of your corner pronto, or the built-in bell will clang like a roundhouse right from Rocky Balboa. And get this: the Gong! Alarm Clock uses an internal vibration sensor to discern whether you're floating like a butterfly or stinging like a stunned bee suffering from Colony Collapse Disorder. (via Technabob)
Dumbbell Alarm Clock
The Dumbbell Alarm Clock is... an alarm clock in the shape of a dumbbell. That was easy – waking up to it, not so much. You see, like many Japanese alarm clocks, this one doesn't merely ring to wake you up, it gets you working while your semi-dozing carcass is still flat on its back beneath the covers. Goodbye golden slumbers, hello pumping iron!
Each 700-gram (about 1.56 lb) Dumbbell Alarm Clock features an LCD display built into one end, battery power via a pair of AA batteries, and offers a choice of black, white or red. Use it for a year and you'll be looking like AH-nold... at least, one arm will. (via Present Perfect)
Railroad Crossing Alarm Clock
Whoever thought up the Railroad Crossing Alarm Clock has got to have a mean streak as long as the Silver Streak. No peaceful, soothing awakenings for the owner of this demonic device, especially if they happen to be dreaming of driving when a chorus of ringing bells and flashing lights startles them back to reality.
The Railroad Crossing Alarm Clock makes an ideal gift for that engineer, hobo or fugitive on your Xmas list, especially if their dreams involve finding a one-armed man. It's priced at 2,125 yen (around $25.50) though it won't be easy to “track” one down. (via Hobby Search)
Police Alarm Clock
“The dream police, they live inside of my head...” and if this particular Cheap Trick's on your holiday gift list then be sure not to blow the required 2,900 yen (about $35) on coffee and donuts. The Police Alarm Clock has “Sleep Squad” emblazoned across a big blue flashing light suitable for a patrol car, and you'll be wishing it still WAS on a patrol car each and every morning.
Like the aforementioned Railroad Crossing Alarm Clock, the Police Alarm Clock rates as cruel and unusual punishment thanks to its unsubtle way of arresting your slumber. Don't be surprised if it arrests your heart in the process. Did someone say “donuts”? Mmm, donuts... (Get the Police Alarm Clock in the U.S. here.)
If you don't see something arresting here, check out 11 Alarm Clocks To Wake The Living Dead.