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Top 5 Valentine's Day Gifts It Never Crossed Your Mind To Give. Until Now.

With Valentine's Day being today, there's no time left to search out the perfect gift for your heart's desire. Flying in the face of reason, here are 5 last minute ideas for anyone without a clue as to what to give this Valentine's. 

Valentine' Gift Idea #1 - Rejuvenating Facial Toning Mask

Exercise and tone your face with the Rejuvenique Facial Toning Mask.

You're probably thinking this wouldn't be your first choice. The problem, clearly, is it looks like Michael from the Friday the 13th movies. But it would be all too easy to dismiss the Facial Toning Mask as a possible Valentine's Day gift. Consider this:

You want the object of your desire to be surprised, and clearly the Toning Mask will have that effect. Do you also want her to be scared out of her wits? Probably not, but it is Valentine's Day and tradition dictates that there should be some element of risk. And if you discover too late that you've got it totally wrong, Halloween's coming up in about eight months.

 Valentine' Gift Idea #2 - Solar Powered Puking Paul

 

Puking Paul pukes continuously when he's in the light. When it's dark, he drinks to excess. Hence the puking.

This is quite the toy for any top executive's desk. Although you may be thinking Paul isn't the most useful of Valentine's Day gifts. Well when was that ever an issue? However, in this particular case you'd be quite wrong, and I'll tell you why.

I was recently on a long haul flight to San Francisco when we flew right into the midst of a flock of geese. We lost all four engines and the pilot passed out.

The situation did not look good. I believe we all feared for our lives. I know I did.

But boy, was I ever lucky I had Puking Paul along with me. He quickly took control of the aircraft, performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on a number of passengers, and brought the aircraft in for a successful water landing.

He then organized everyone into life rafts, and towed us all to a small island where he constructed a temporary shelter out of palm leaves. Somehow, he also managed to call out for pizza.

So there you go. Pretty useful after all.

Valentine' Gift Idea #3 - Inflatable Party Sheep - White

Does this mean it comes in other colors? Not sure, but in the unlikely event the white one isn't sexy enough for you, there's always the Sexy Bachelor Party Sheep Doll. It comes with lipstick, stockings, and a hole in the rear.

Is it intended only for bachelors? "I'm sorry but I'm married now. I don't do that any more." Or is the sheep itself a bachelor? I hope so. Frankly I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea of a married sheep fooling around at parties.

So here's the scene: it's been a long day, but everything's finally in place. You're just doing a final check before your guests arrive: "I got dip, chips, plenty of beer, enough wine to start, people always bring more wine anyway, there's cheese, and... oh my God! I've forgotten the Inflatable Party Sheep!"

The bachelors are going to be so disappointed.

Valentine' Gift Idea #4 - Travel Size Blow Up John

Similar to the sheep, I know, but I've included it because you can travel with Blow Up John. Let's face it, driving around with a blow up sheep wearing lipstick and high heels might raise some questions. At just over two feet in length, you'll have no such problem with Travel Size Blow Up John.

Unless that measurement is not the one from head to toe, in which case...

Valentine' Gift Idea #5 - Gift Of Nothing

 

This is verging on genius. If you can really think of nothing to give, here it is, the perfect gift. The Gift Of Nothing. And it's packaged. Order by Valentine's Day and there's a Buy 2 Get 1 Free offer.

What could be better when you're feeling lazy and unimaginative. Nothing to think about, nothing to buy, nothing to give. If the person you're giving it to is feeling the same way, you're onto a winner. Because there's nothing they can do with it.

On the other hand, if you're looking to impress... Well, it's your decision.

So there they are, 5 gifts, possibly 6, that may make, or break, your Valentine this year.