Warm Your Junk..Err..Jewels With The Jewel Warmer

Tired of your sack-and-dangle and/or lady pouch just hanging around completely helpless to the cold gusts of wind and early-spring breezes? Sick of the ensuing paralyzing numbing of your most valuable of valuables? Of course, we all are. Put a decisive solution to that problem with the Jewel Warmer.

 Jewel WarmerJewel Warmer

Suffer timid-turtle balls no longer; slide this triangular piece of breathable, windproof velour fleece over your package and protect your intimates from dropping temperatures and blowing breezes.

Yep, I know exactly what you're thinking: 'What happens when the morning turns to mid-afternoon and my balls warm to the point that they're dangling over the top tube of my bicycle?' Well, my friend, you're in luck because the Jewel Warmer "can be easily removed as temperatures climb." Keep those swimmers at just the right temp without any discomfort. Just slide this big triangular muff in and out of your pants as needed, and, as the company encourages: " enjoy its lightweight, comfortable protection inside your shorts or tights!" Just don't enjoy that plush fleece too much, honcho, or you'll have some cleanin' to do!

I'm not really a winter cyclist, but I've done some late-fall night rides in my day, and I can't say that chilling of my balls was ever a real issue. My hands, legs, toes and face, yes. Meat and two veg, no. But, if you've ever experienced "cold discomfort while cycling or running", you now have a friend to turn to.

The Jewel Warmer, which is recommended for temperatures below 45 to 50 degrees, costs just $14.99. Put that Hamilton and Lincoln to good use today.  

via Gear Flogger 

May 10, 2010
by Anonymous


You're funny :)

Jun 8, 2010
by Anonymous



Jun 9, 2010
by Chris Weiss


I don't dispute that fact, nor did I write anything to the contrary. When it gets warm, i.e. when your balls dangle, you take this jewel warmer out.