The Weirdest Christmas Ornaments To Make Your Tree Blush

It’s early December, which means if you haven’t already bought a Christmas tree, it’s time to head out to the local store and bring one home. If you haven’t already bought yourself some horrifyingly strange ornaments to go on your tree, fret not, we have a great collection of the weirdest, funniest and scariest Christmas tree ornaments around and there’s still plenty of time to order and get them on your tree before the holidays.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Ornament


Do you love the interwebz? Could you write a book on all the best memes of the last three years? Then the flying spaghetti monster Christmas ornament is for you. Of course, if you’re buying this, then you’d better not mind the fact that it is sending out conflicting messages about your beliefs in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Christianity. In fact, you may want to go ahead and go another step towards confusing your religious beliefs and buy yourself a menorah ornament as well. (Update: The link for this is no longer available.)

Fetuse Ornaments



Whether you’re obsessively prolife or a major fan of dead baby jokes, you’re certain to be happy with the array of embryonic ornaments available this year. The pewter fetus ornament is courtesy of the Flaming Lips and is even detailed with the band’s name and the year you bought it because nothing says “keepsake” like a shiny unborn baby.

Of course, if you like your babies to come out of the womb patriotically strapped, then the fetus with a gun and an array of military equipment is destined to help fill the gaping hole in your conservative heart tree.

 

If, on the other hand, you’re a huge fan of science and have been keeping an eye on the glow-in-the-dark animals that have been born in the past year, then the glow-in-the-dark embryo ornament is the closest thing to the future of glowing humans. This is also a great choice for anyone suffering from radiation poisoning, obsessed with comic book super heroes or people who just wish they could have been born at raves.

Sexy Ornament Time


 

If you prefer making babies over actual babies, then perhaps these sex-themed ornaments would suit your tree better. If you’re actually into the science of baby making, then the sperm ornament is one half of the necessary ingredients for making babies in your tree.

Perhaps you prefer the source of the sperm though. In this case, you will need to order this lovely bronzed penis from Etsy seller Stiletto. Just imagine playing find the pickle with this gilded wonder.

On the other hand, if you like the woman parts, or if you want a complete set, don’t miss the golden vagina also available from Stiletto.

Then again, if you are all about boobs, don’t worry about being left out. There’s plenty of jugs available for everyone courtesy of Etsy user erottery.

 

But perhaps you're the type who likes to keep your erotic ornaments seasonal. If that's the case then you might want to consider sodomizing your tree's wholesomness with these sexual snowmen. If you like these guys, there's plenty of other professional-looking pornaments availible on Amazon.

There’s even a great eyeball ornament available for those of you who have strange attractions to your lover’s peepers.

 

Sparkly Poop Ornaments


Now that we’ve covered body organs, why not add some bodily functions to your ornament collection? This artificially-snow covered pile of poop is the most beautiful odorless pile of poop I personally have ever seen…I think.(You can buy this here.)

Bigfoot Ornament


 

If you asked yourself who made the poop? I can’t tell you for sure, but the fact that it doesn’t stink might make it magical. Who could make magical poo? Perhaps Bigfoot…or maybe, since it’s snow-covered, it would be the Yeti’s.( You can buy this here.)

Strange Doll Ornaments


Speaking of things that give people nightmares, these creepy doll ornaments are some of the scariest Christmas tree decorations I’ve ever seen. If you’re the kind of person who would want to scare baby Jesus, then maybe, just maybe you’re the type of freak that would love these Strange Dolls.

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Readers, what do you think of these ornaments? Are there any you think would be perfect for your family tree? Have you seen anything stranger ornaments? If so, please do tell; it is the season for sharing after all.

SEE ALSO:
Strange, Stupid And Funny Ornaments For Your Tree
13 Oddest, Funniest and Strangest Christmas Tree Ornaments
16 Christmas Sweaters That Are Not Just Ulgy But Wrong

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Comments
Dec 14, 2009
by Boomer Babe

oh my!

some things one just doesn't expect on a Christmas tree!

Dec 15, 2009
by Anonymous

nice post

nice post thx for sharing,

Dec 15, 2009
by Anonymous

Unfortunate listing undermines good cause

Finding the Bigfoot and Yeti ornaments, which we give to those who donate to the International Cryptozoology Museum, on this rather unnerving list was quite disturbing. Then to see that you undermined the efforts of Boing Boing's good story about us (to which you linked) by sending people elsewhere to pick up these ornaments, instead of to us for our fundraiser, was unfortunate.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!
Loren Coleman
International Cryptozoology Museum
Portland, Maine
cryptozoologymuseum.com

Dec 15, 2009
by Jill Harness
Jill Harness's picture

RE: Unfortunate listing undermines good cause

Hi Loren,

I just wanted to let you know that we only linked to Amazon so those who are interested can find an easy place to buy them, since they are no longer avilible through the link featured on Boing Boing. If you add them to an easy to use shop, I'll be happy to direct the buyers there.

I am a fan of yours though and just recently wrote a post that will show up on Mental Floss this week that links to your long and fascinating interview also on Boing Boing. I hope that makes up for the problems you see with the post.

Thank you for reading,

Jill

Dec 17, 2009
by Anonymous

Funny, no harm

Hi, Jill

Your column is fun and funny. No harm done; the link should still work at Boing Boing.

Oh well, what would the day be without interweb problems/foolishness.

Best wishes,
Loren

Dec 26, 2009
by Anonymous

I was all giggles until the

I was all giggles until the creepy dolls. I think I am going to have nightmares. Nice article though! Loved the golden penis and vagina.

Jun 21, 2010
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