The Weirdest Christmas Ornaments To Make Your Tree Blush

Sexy Ornament Time


If you prefer making babies over actual babies, then perhaps these sex-themed ornaments would suit your tree better. If you’re actually into the science of baby making, then the sperm ornament is one half of the necessary ingredients for making babies in your tree.

Perhaps you prefer the source of the sperm though. In this case, you will need to order this lovely bronzed penis from Etsy seller Stiletto. Just imagine playing find the pickle with this gilded wonder.

On the other hand, if you like the woman parts, or if you want a complete set, don’t miss the golden vagina also available from Stiletto.

Then again, if you are all about boobs, don’t worry about being left out. There’s plenty of jugs available for everyone courtesy of Etsy user erottery.


But perhaps you're the type who likes to keep your erotic ornaments seasonal. If that's the case then you might want to consider sodomizing your tree's wholesomness with these sexual snowmen. If you like these guys, there's plenty of other professional-looking pornaments availible on Amazon.

There’s even a great eyeball ornament available for those of you who have strange attractions to your lover’s peepers.


Dec 14, 2009
by Boomer Babe

oh my!

some things one just doesn't expect on a Christmas tree!

Dec 15, 2009
by Anonymous

nice post

nice post thx for sharing,

Dec 15, 2009
by Anonymous

Unfortunate listing undermines good cause

Finding the Bigfoot and Yeti ornaments, which we give to those who donate to the International Cryptozoology Museum, on this rather unnerving list was quite disturbing. Then to see that you undermined the efforts of Boing Boing's good story about us (to which you linked) by sending people elsewhere to pick up these ornaments, instead of to us for our fundraiser, was unfortunate.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!
Loren Coleman
International Cryptozoology Museum
Portland, Maine

Dec 15, 2009
by Jill Harness
Jill Harness's picture

RE: Unfortunate listing undermines good cause

Hi Loren,

I just wanted to let you know that we only linked to Amazon so those who are interested can find an easy place to buy them, since they are no longer avilible through the link featured on Boing Boing. If you add them to an easy to use shop, I'll be happy to direct the buyers there.

I am a fan of yours though and just recently wrote a post that will show up on Mental Floss this week that links to your long and fascinating interview also on Boing Boing. I hope that makes up for the problems you see with the post.

Thank you for reading,


Dec 17, 2009
by Anonymous

Funny, no harm

Hi, Jill

Your column is fun and funny. No harm done; the link should still work at Boing Boing.

Oh well, what would the day be without interweb problems/foolishness.

Best wishes,

Dec 26, 2009
by Anonymous

I was all giggles until the

I was all giggles until the creepy dolls. I think I am going to have nightmares. Nice article though! Loved the golden penis and vagina.

Jun 21, 2010
by Anonymous

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