Great Invention Idea? Watch That Predicts Your Death

by Elizabeth Valeri

We know many of the vices we enjoy actually accelerate our journey towards oblivion. Furthermore, not knowing exactly how fast we're going is the cause of some considerable anxiety. And anxiety, as you know, makes the time it takes to reach our final destination go even faster! Still not ready to toss out your cigarettes or stop yelling at your spouse? Then United States patent 5031161, the Personal Doomsday Timepiece, is for you.

Personal Doomsday Watch

The watch tackles a complex problem the same way those generic email questionnaires your friends send you do - by using the same actuarial tables insurance companies use to determine your life insurance premiums. "This actuarial table data is based on a number of factors, such as overall health of the individual, whether a person smokes cigarettes, consumes excessive alcohol, and genetic factors such as family histories of known diseases and recorded life spans." So, just like the clock that activates the New Year's Eve ball in Times Square every year, this watch is always in countdown mode! Unlike a traditional watch that will run, theoretically, forever, the Personal Doomsday Timepiece has an end time or hard stop. Happy "another year down and only so many left to go" goner boy!

Times Square Ball
But it's not all hopeless. Well, it is, because you're still going to die. Regardless, it seems the inventor, David Kendrick, believes in a person's ability to alter their destiny, so his Personal Doomsday Timepiece includes an on/off button to be used to temporarily keep your clock from ticking while engaging in a healthy activity like exercise, or locking yourself in the bathroom away from your kids for an hour!

So forget the fortune-tellers and Magic 8 Ball. The Personal Doomsday Timepiece tells you what you really want to know: How much time do I actually have left.