The 5 Tackiest Invention Ideas for Easter Ever!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:27:22 -0700

There is no religious holiday of more importance to a Christian than Easter. To this end, some inventors wish to provide believers with helpful symbols and trinkets to assist or focus their faith. Then there are the others: inventors who capitalize on - exploit? - this kind of solemnity with their own particular tacky take on the holiday. In my opinion, the following patents illustrate this point exactly. What do you think?

Great Invention Idea? 5 Mother's Day Gifts for Every Kind of Mom

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Mother's Day is around the corner. What better time is there to honor the women who give us life and who make up the cornerstones of psychoanalysis? That's why I'm recommending the following five patents as perfect, non-traditional gift ideas for your mom - whether you like her or not. C'mon dude, she had you!

Great Invention Idea? A Diaper for Your Bird!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:33:50 -0700

Polly want a cracker? Unfortunately, it'll make Polly poop all over your house the minute you let her out of her cage! If you love your little bird and want to let it fly free all over your house from time-to-time, then I've got a patent that should serve as a happy compromise for you both.

Great Invention Idea? A Reservation System for Airplane Toilets.

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 15 May 2008 22:15:32 -0700

Is there anyone left who doesn't think the only thing better than traveling by air is having his or her wisdom teeth pulled? Do any of you suspect America is in fact a class based system and not an egalitarian one? If you have any doubts at all about such things United States patent 6329919 should put your doubts to rest once and for all.

10 Great Invention Ideas for the Best St. Patrick's Day Ever

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 07:36:52 -0700

The following are my picks for the best St. Patrick's day ever, with a few post-St. Patrick's day reconciliation-style inventions thrown in for good measure.

Great Invention Idea? Shaming Diet Dolls

Elizabeth Valeri — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:13:21 -0800

Piggy You Diet Doll

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and that means that once again you are confronted with a holiday that is likely to put a little extra meat on your bones. The irony of all this is that that extra meat on your bones often greatly decreases your chances of being someone's Valentine! So, what will you do if you've resolved not to eat any chocolates this coming Thursday? How about looking to the United States Patent Office for a couple of incentives to help you with your resolve? read more »

Great Invention Idea? Doggie Dust Cover and Vacuum!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:03:28 -0800

Doggie Dust Cover

Is Fido's fur causing you to fret and frown over your furniture's future? Does the care and maintenance of your pooch's pelt leave you pooped and peeved? Well, I've discovered two patents that address some of the hygiene problems facing dog owners - dog hair, dander and fleas - in unusual ways. read more »

Great Invention Idea? A Musical Condom

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 09:25:02 -0800

Musical Condom

In my previous blog, A Big, Long D*ck for Valentine's Day, I alerted you to a patent that could help you realize your manly potential. But I'm here to tell you it's not all fun and games. Today, more than ever, sexual prowess cannot occur free of responsibility. So if you love your partner, or even if you don't and you only love yourself, you owe it to yourself to practice safe sex. That's why today I am providing you with a patent that reconciles safety with fun. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Kick Your Own Butt Device

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:22:05 -0800

Kick Your Own Butt Device

"I Could Just Kick Myself." Well, now you can!

Did your parents ever tell you all you needed was a swift kick in the butt? If you were in grade school around the time I was - back when no one much cared about your self-esteem or your feelings - you might have heard a teacher say these very same words to/at you. Perhaps when you've screwed up, yet again, you've even uttered these words to yourself under your breath. The obvious problem in this last scenario is that people just aren't built to accomplish such a feat. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Toilet Headrest Steadies You in Your Hour of Need

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 10:47:34 -0800

Toilet Forehead Support

Many of us, no doubt, have found ourselves kneeling down before the porcelain god reflecting on the events that brought us there. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Treatment for Male Impotence Found in Your Pantry

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 08:48:09 -0800

My mother always says the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well, I don't know about all that, but thanks to Mr. Hirsch I do know the way to my heart is through my man's stomach! United States patent 5,885,614 was issued on March 23, 2000 to Mr. Hirsch for the "Use of Odorants to Treat Male Impotence." That's right, the scents of the season are what really get a guy going! What can I say? ‘Tis really is the season to be jolly! read more »

Great Invention Idea? Human Fart Collector

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 04:55:38 -0700

Fart Collector

Elizabeth Valeri, our guest blogger, is a resident of Colorado with an interest in the material abundance of everyday life. That is, she is amused by the ways we “over-invent” our lives in a fleeting attempt at controlling them. She wanted to share some of her wacky patent finds with the readers of InventorSpot.com.

Here's her article:

* * * * * read more »

With Halloween fast approaching, I decided to scout the annals of the patent offices for inventions intended for the deepest, darkest, scariest recesses of mankind.

Great Invention Idea? Butt Cheek Spreader

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 04:42:06 -0700

Buttocks Spreader

Here's her article:

* * * * *

I remember, several years ago, when I first encountered the hands-free faucet. read more »

Great Invention Idea? The Modern Bathhouse!

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 03:42:19 -0800

Mechanical Shower

As many of you already know, conservationists espouse the use of car washes because the facilities recycle the water used to get your vehicle looking its squeaky-clean best. Sounds like a good idea, right? But why should such a practical idea, like recycling water, be limited to cars? After all, we don't generally wash our cars everyday. We do, however, bathe our bods (I hope) everyday. Presumably then, washing ourselves is far more wasteful of a precious natural resource - one that some people argue will be the world's next "oil" - than the occasional washing of our cars. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Easy Clean Baby for Mother's Day

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:10:48 -0700

Have you ever seen a kid so dirty you wish you could just tie him up to a tree and spray him down? Or perhaps the kid in question is too young for such measures, so you think about grabbing the child by the shoulders (neck?) and repeatedly dipping him into a warm tub filled with soapy water. Unfortunately, the modern tub is too big to accommodate little tykes safely for either method. Thankfully, the United States Patent Office once again comes to the rescue of American families everywhere.

Great Invention Idea? Get Your St. Patrick's Day Party On With These 3 Patents!

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 07:45:00 -0800

I can show you how the United States Patent Office is working to insure you'll get your St. Patrick's Day party on this year with three good times patents!

Great Invention Idea? The Most Practical St. Patrick's Day Accessory Ever!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0800

This year, if you plan to mark St. Patrick's Day in the usual way, that is, somewhere other than church, then I've found the perfect accessory for you.

Thanksgiving Patents-Part 5: Smelly Gas No More!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:50:51 -0800

Fart Pad in Action

While there are many instances of farting to be found in great literature (James Joyce, St. Augustine, Dante, etc.), the reality of farting in public is much less noble. That's why I'm recommending you do a bit of damage control before any real damage to your modesty or friends has occurred this year. read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 4: Avoid Holiday Drama & Weight Gain This Year

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 09:18:28 -0800

Appetite Suppressor

One thing I've learned over the years is you can never go wrong by invoking the diet excuse. (This excuse is particularly effective if you are still single.) Of course, you run the risk that a family member will decry your concerns for your figure as nonsense, or worse - for your plan, not your ego - tell you you're too thin as it is. read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 3: Narcissistic Gourd Molds

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 03:02:46 -0800

Narcissistic Gourd Mold

A cornucopia of autumn produce and foliage is a traditional holiday favorite, if not a little predictable and overplayed. Yet with some time and planning you can assemble a unique cornucopia centerpiece spilling with gourds in the shape of your own head, or any other shape for that matter! read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 2: The Well-Dressed Bird

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 06:44:41 -0800

The Cooking Jacket "for use in cooking large pieces of meat, turkeys, chickens, roasts and the like," or U.S. patent 4942809, looks like a large mesh hammock with handles designed "to enable the turkey or other piece of meat to be retained in a jacket structure and easily lifted from the cooking pan, pot, vessel or the like." read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 1: To Eat the Bird You Must First Catch the Bird

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 11:09:50 -0800

The Perfect Thanksgiving Dinner: Step 1
Trueky Decoy: Patent #6684552
Welcome to my new blog! The following is the first installation in a multi-part series exploring innovative and unusual patents that could help make this your best Thanksgiving celebration ever! read more »

Great Invention Idea? A New Twist on Skating

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:33:40 -0700

The advancements of the last thirty years have raised the invention stakes for everyone. What's wrong with that, you ask? Nothing, except that this often results in the less creative among us churning out mediocre or bad ideas when they could be doing something much more productive, like removing shopping carts from the parking lot at a local Wal-Mart! In my opinion, the following two patented inventions illustrate this point exactly.

Great Invention Idea? Cure for Numb Thumb!

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:12:03 -0800

A Dangerous Habit?

If you're anything like me, you spend an inordinate amount of time typing away at your computer. You do so knowing every keystroke brings you one step closer to a carpal tunnel disease diagnosis; every glance at the screen teases your vision with astigmatism. So you buy an ergonomic keypad and mouse pad and you force yourself to look away from the screen every 20 minutes or so. Great! But now there is something else to worry about, something that threatens the great American pastime of television viewing: B.T.N.D. or Button Thumbing Numbness Disorder. Luckily, the cure is not worse than the disease. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Cow Fart Monitor & More Bad News About Cows

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:00:00 -0800

You want to stick that where?

As many of you know, cow gas, or bovine flatulence (farts) and eructation (burps), is suspect when determining the factors that contribute to global warming. Why? The reason is simple: cow gas emits methane gas and according to environmentalists like EarthSave, methane is by far the most important non-CO2 greenhouse gas floating around the atmosphere and threatening the ozone layer. read more »

Great Invention Idea? 3 Devices to Make Parenting Easier!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:55:07 -0800

Strap-on Pacifier

Technology has transformed the baby raising landscape in some ingenious ways. Who knows? If the following three inventions had been available a few years ago my home office might today be covered in Disney motif wallpaper, and all the electrical outlets plugged up with child safety protectors. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Robotic Massage Hand

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 04:25:26 -0800

Cyborg Hand Massage

Have you ever longed for a gentle reassuring touch throughout the day? Would you welcome an occasional touch, rub, or connection to another without all the messy human entanglements that often accompany such a sweet gesture? read more »

Temporary/Portable Nuclear Fallout Shelter: Your Own Little Safety Oasis!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 07:29:29 -0800

Temporary/Portable Nuclear Fallout Shelter

If you've listened to the news lately it might seem as though we are on the brink of another arms race. Oh sure, we've made some progress with North Korea, for now, but what about the rest of the world? If worrying about escalating international tensions is keeping you from making good on your new year's resolution to embark on a diet and fitness program that will help you transform yourself, I've got a patent that could put some of your fears to rest - temporarily - just long enough so that you can get up off the couch and into the gym.

read more »

Great Invention Idea? Watch That Predicts Your Death

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 08:01:00 -0800

Personal Doomsday Watch

We know many of the vices we enjoy actually accelerate our journey towards oblivion. Furthermore, not knowing exactly how fast we're going is the cause of some considerable anxiety. And anxiety, as you know, makes the time it takes to reach our final destination go even faster! Still not ready to toss out your cigarettes or stop yelling at your spouse? read more »

Great Invention Idea? Candy for Adults Who Suck

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:56:44 -0700

United States patent D301835 enables the psychosexual slackers among us to complete the oral fixation stage anytime we want, or simply prolong it for as long as we like.