Great Invention Idea? A Reservation System for Airplane Toilets.

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 15 May 2008 22:15:32 -0700

Is there anyone left who doesn't think the only thing better than traveling by air is having his or her wisdom teeth pulled? Do any of you suspect America is in fact a class based system and not an egalitarian one? If you have any doubts at all about such things United States patent 6329919 should put your doubts to rest once and for all.

Great Invention Idea? A Diaper for Your Bird!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:33:50 -0700

Polly want a cracker? Unfortunately, it'll make Polly poop all over your house the minute you let her out of her cage! If you love your little bird and want to let it fly free all over your house from time-to-time, then I've got a patent that should serve as a happy compromise for you both.

Technorati Tags: Environment Fun Funny Home Innovation Invention Lifestyle Miscellaneous Nature Outdoors Patent Pets Products Science Weird or Wacky

Great Invention Idea? Easy Clean Baby for Mother's Day

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:10:48 -0700

Have you ever seen a kid so dirty you wish you could just tie him up to a tree and spray him down? Or perhaps the kid in question is too young for such measures, so you think about grabbing the child by the shoulders (neck?) and repeatedly dipping him into a warm tub filled with soapy water. Unfortunately, the modern tub is too big to accommodate little tykes safely for either method. Thankfully, the United States Patent Office once again comes to the rescue of American families everywhere.

Great Invention Idea? 5 Mother's Day Gifts for Every Kind of Mom

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Mother's Day is around the corner. What better time is there to honor the women who give us life and who make up the cornerstones of psychoanalysis? That's why I'm recommending the following five patents as perfect, non-traditional gift ideas for your mom - whether you like her or not. C'mon dude, she had you!

Great Invention Idea? A New Twist on Skating and Water-Sking

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:33:40 -0700

The advancements of the last thirty years have raised the invention stakes for everyone. What's wrong with that, you ask? Nothing, except that this often results in the less creative among us churning out mediocre or bad ideas when they could be doing something much more productive, like removing shopping carts from the parking lot at a local Wal-Mart! In my opinion, the following two patented inventions illustrate this point exactly.

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Great Invention Idea? Candy for Adults Who Suck

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:56:44 -0700

United States patent D301835 enables the psychosexual slackers among us to complete the oral fixation stage anytime we want, or simply prolong it for as long as we like.

Great Invention Idea? New & Improved Snot Rag!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:29:17 -0700

Spring is here with all its usual markers: flowers, grass, pollen and hay fever! If you are looking for a handy, inexpensive, and green - as in reusable, not the color of mucus - way to blow your nose this season look no further. United States patent 7013494 promises to be easy on your face, your wallet and the environment.

Great Invention Idea? Bed Simultaneously Promotes and Repels Action!

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:07:07 -0700

Who among us doesn't like some action in bed? Naturally, we all do. But there's action, then there's ACTION. If you're more the "ACTION" type then United States patent 7,137,881 the Quantum Sleeper, is just the thing for you because it brings a sort of Sopranos' style edginess to the notion of a good night's sleep.

Great Invention Idea? Easy & Fun Way to Put Your Kids to Work!

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:28:40 -0700

I like United States patent 4455816, because it works on the principle that kids aren't just those little people you love and drive to and from soccer practice, they are also the source of a largely untapped and expensive - the average cost to raise a child in America until the age of 18 is around $200,000 - labor pool.

Great Invention Idea? Kill Bugs Fast with Radiation Gun!

Elizabeth Valeri — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Gnats, mosquitoes, field mice, ants, and all manner of creepy crawlies are just as interested in your summer activities as you are. In the past, the most effective protection against these tiny critters was to slather yourself with some deet or paraben laden lotion only to find you had traded one set of problems: bug bites, for another: cancer. Well those days of compromise are over thanks to United States patent 6647661.

Great Invention Idea? The Most Practical St. Patrick's Day Accessory Ever!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0800

This year, if you plan to mark St. Patrick's Day in the usual way, that is, somewhere other than church, then I've found the perfect accessory for you.

Technorati Tags: Clothing Entertainment Food and Drink Fun Funny Gadgets History International Inventor Lifestyle Men Miscellaneous Patent Products Science Weird or Wacky Women

The 5 Tackiest Invention Ideas for Easter Ever!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:27:22 -0700

There is no religious holiday of more importance to a Christian than Easter. To this end, some inventors wish to provide believers with helpful symbols and trinkets to assist or focus their faith. Then there are the others: inventors who capitalize on - exploit? - this kind of solemnity with their own particular tacky take on the holiday. In my opinion, the following patents illustrate this point exactly. What do you think?

Technorati Tags: Art and Design Fun Funny Gadgets History Home Invention Inventor Lifestyle Marketing Miscellaneous Patent Products Science Shopping Weird or Wacky

10 Great Invention Ideas for the Best St. Patrick's Day Ever

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 16:16:48 -0700

The following are my picks for the best St. Patrick's day ever, with a few post-St. Patrick's day reconciliation-style inventions thrown in for good measure.

Great Invention Idea? Kick Your Own Butt Device

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 08:22:05 -0800

Kick Your Own Butt Device

"I Could Just Kick Myself." Well, now you can!

Did your parents ever tell you all you needed was a swift kick in the butt? If you were in grade school around the time I was - back when no one much cared about your self-esteem or your feelings - you might have heard a teacher say these very same words to/at you. Perhaps when you've screwed up, yet again, you've even uttered these words to yourself under your breath. The obvious problem in this last scenario is that people just aren't built to accomplish such a feat. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Toilet Headrest Steadies You in Your Hour of Need

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 10:47:34 -0800

Toilet Forehead Support

Many of us, no doubt, have found ourselves kneeling down before the porcelain god reflecting on the events that brought us there. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Watch That Predicts Your Death

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 08:01:00 -0800

Life Expectancy Watch

We know many of the vices we enjoy actually accelerate our journey towards oblivion. Furthermore, not knowing exactly how fast we're going is the cause of some considerable anxiety. And anxiety, as you know, makes the time it takes to reach our final destination go even faster! Still not ready to toss out your cigarettes or stop yelling at your spouse? read more »

Great Invention Idea? A Big, Long D*ck for Valentine's Day!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:13:30 -0800

Read my blog to find out why Herbert Jochum is smiling.

The apparatus is not unfamiliar in that it resembles other sexual aids already on the market and available at your local sex shop. Not sure where the nearest sex shop to your home is located? Just look for where 20-somethings hang out after 1 a.m. on Saturday night, or wait until Sunday morning and look for a group of your neighbors picketing an otherwise unremarkable storefront. read more »

Great Invention Idea? The Most Effective Alarm Clock Ever!

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 17:44:11 -0800

Effective Alarm Clock

I've read that some of the most successful inventions are those that respond to an everyday need. If that's the case, then Samuel S. Applegate holds the patent for what could be the most effective alarm clock ever. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Bull's-eye Toilet Bowl!

Elizabeth Valeri — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:58:09 -0800

Toilet Bowl with Bull's-eye Target

I'm afraid a quick glance at my articles might give some readers the wrong impression: that I have an affinity for anything relating to bodily functions. In particular, anything people do in the bathroom. Well, those readers are wrong. That being said, today I bring you United States patent 4044405, the toilet bowl bull's-eye! read more »

Great Invention Idea? Get Your St. Patrick's Day Party On With These 3 Patents!

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 07:45:00 -0800

I can show you how the United States Patent Office is working to insure you'll get your St. Patrick's Day party on this year with three good times patents!

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Great Invention Idea? Disguise for Baldness. (We've All Seen This One Before!)

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 09:30:00 -0800

Comb Hair to Conceal Baldness

Today dear readers, I am turning my blog over to you. That's because I'm stumped. Is United States Patent 4022227 worthy of a patent? Do you consider this an invention? An innovation? Or did Frank and Donald Smith the "inventors" merely lay claim to something men have been doing for centuries? You decide; then let me know what you think. read more »

Thanksgiving Patents-Part 5: Smelly Gas No More!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:50:51 -0800

While there are many instances of farting to be found in great literature (James Joyce, St. Augustine, Dante, etc.), the reality of farting in public is much less noble. That's why I'm recommending you do a bit of damage control before any real damage to your modesty or friends has occurred this year. read more »