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Patent

Chinese Innovations in Foreign Countries Thwarted by Red Tape

A draft amendment to China’s patent law is hindering the creativity of Chinese inventors living abroad by making it difficult to legalize the idea without much red tape. Read on and… keep your ideas to yourself.

Footwear with GPS: A Great Idea?

Patent# US 6788200 is designed for those among us who can’t find our way out of paper bags. (You don’t have to stand up. We know who you are.) This Footwear with GPS entered the weary world in 2004, and is perfect for those who can’t tell their left foot from the right. (We know who you are too.) Read on even if you do know where both your feet are.

Cell Phone With Concealed Firearm System: Great Idea?

Patent# US6778811 concerns an electronic device concealed within a cell phone, which can shoot a bullet out of the phone’s antennae. This Cell Phone With Concealed Firearm System is obviously not for everyone but the question remains: Is it for anyone at all? Read on and …watch out!

Cosmetic Extract from Marine Ooze: Great Idea?

This Process for the Preparation of a Cosmetic Extract from Marine Ooze, which is known to some as Patent# US 6787159, may truly seem like something concocted out of a mad scientist’s laboratory. Read on for more details about the mysterious ooze whose origins may lie far away in that black lagoon of long ago and far away wherein terror dwells.

Simulated Wedding Cake: Great Idea?

Patent# US 7021465 concerns the Simulated Wedding Cake, a must have for brides, grooms, best men and ladies in simulated waiting! How one can invent a simulation, which by definition is a copy of something, is a conundrum that does not appear to be addressed in this silly exposé. Read on anyway, and may you and all your wedding guests really eat cake.

Is the Smoker Hat Hazardous to Health and is it a Great Idea?

United States Patent #4858627, better known as the Smoker’s Hat, represents one inventor’s attempt to save the environment from the ill affects of smoking. Despite lofty intentions, silly is still the operative word when it comes to describing the meaning and purpose of the Smoker’s Hat. Read on and see if you agree.

Pillow With Retractable Umbrella: Great Idea?

United States Patent 6711769 refers to a Pillow With a Retractable Umbrella, the beach accessory to end all beach accessories. This invention is comprised of a pillow that transforms into a pillow with a retractable umbrella to offer optimum protection if a user is lying in the sun. Should you get one? I would wait if I were you.

Drinks That Jump Across Counters: Great Idea?

Have you ever thought about how impressed friends and relatives might be if you could make your glass of whatever you are drinking jump across the nearest bar or counter? No, well, maybe you haven’t had enough drinks to consider the proposition, better known as United States Patent #5678617, the Jumping Drink Bar Device, but whether you drink or not, read on and …well, just read on.

Vibrating Body-Piercing Jewelry: Great Idea?

US Patent# 6865907 concerns Vibrating Body-Piercing Jewelry, which comes with its very own motor and housing for such unit. It is a very versatile sort of thing as it can be worn on a body part that is either pierced or non-pierced. (Neon colors may also be available, but if they are, the cost could run either an arm and a leg or possibly a thighbone. Read and pulsate…if you dare.

Matching Collars for Dog and Owner: Great idea?

In keeping with the most honored tradition that dogs after a long while begin to resemble their owners and vice verse, Patent# US D504984, Matching Collar for Dog and Owner, offers a way to publicly display your affection for your pet, (which is also sometimes referred to in polite circles as making an ass of yourself). Read on for details, but resist the urge to bark.

Edible Garments: Great Idea?

Patent# US 6872119 which refers to Garments Having Edible Components and Methods for Making Same dates back to 2005 and is not meant for bad teeth, diabetics or even the discerning dressers among us. (No need to name names. You know who you are.) Read on and learn more about a decadent yet very silly way to dress for almost any type of affair.

Cut Weeds While You Play Golf: Great Idea?

Patent # US 6988954, the Weed Cutting Golf Club, is a fairly new invention dating back to 2006. The creators of this gas-powered, weed-whacking golf club had several ideas in mind, all of which are silly but will be included below. Read on and…fore!

Pillow Crash Helmet: Great Idea?

U.S. Patent #3,538,508, also known as the Pillow Crash Helmet dates back to 1970 and is just as silly today as it was then. More than likely inspired by the courtesy pillows handed out on airplanes, this pillow goes a step further and upon command, becomes a crash helmet. Read on for some smashing details.

Fake Sideburns for Sunglasses: Great Idea?

Patent#Des 376,811, also known as Fake Sideburns for Sunglasses would appear to be a distant relative of the Groucho Marx masks that were so popular many years ago. These sideburns, however, are designed for the inner Elvis that resides within some of us even if the outer Elvis left the building three decades ago.

A Fork That Tells You When To Eat: Great Idea?

US patent #5421089 also known in polite circles as the Alarm Fork is reminiscent of a ride along a busy highway. You stop for a light and proceed when it changes to another color. The alarm fork works the same way, creating a dictatorship and rule by the minority over the desires of the majority to eat whenever one desires. Read on, but watch that alarm. You may miss your chance for another bite!

Cheese Filtered Cigarettes: Great Idea?

Patent# US3,234,948, also known as the Cheese-Filter Cigarette, dates back to the 1960s, when smokers and cigarettes still ruled the earth. This invention concerns a cigarette filter comprised of a mixture in which particles of hard cheese are blended with charcoal to produce a cigarette that tastes like…well, like it shouldn’t. Read on and wonder why.

Retractable Toilet Table Top: Great Idea?

Patent# US6983493, the Retractable Toilet Table Top, concerns the concept of toilet inspiration, you know, those great ideas that seem to come out of nowhere when it’s “john time.” The royal throne, as the inventor refers to that instrument of necessity we plebes know as a toilet, has been transformed into a respectable workplace.

Caffeine Inhaled Rather Than Imbibed: Great Idea?

Most agree that there’s nothing quite like the smell of coffee in the morning, but even the most die-hard aficionados confess to the need for caffeine as the real reason people love coffee. So why not find a quicker way to get the caffeine inside you? Why wait for the coffee to brew? Why indeed?

Life Expectancy Timepiece: Great Idea?

Patent # 5,031,161 refers to a Lifetime Expectancy Timepiece, which is designed to inform those among us who simply must know everything exactly how much time we have left to live on this planet. If this sounds god-like and presumptuous, that’s because it is, and so much…more. Read on and wish with all your heart that you were somewhere else.

Forehead Support Apparatus: Great Idea?

It is not known if the inventor of Patent #6,681,419 was a drinker or no, but that would offer one explanation for this bizarre Forehead Support Apparatus, designed for resting a standing user’s forehead against a wall above a bathroom commode or beneath a showerhead. Read on and…be amazed.