The Future of Sunglasses Is Not So Bright

Not since the advent of the Groucho Marx big nose, bushy eyebrow novelty glasses has there been a more important contribution to the eye-wear industry than the multi-functional Uber Shades. These high-tech specs have the potential to revolutionize the lives of thousands, maybe millions or even billions.

Let's say you're hanging out at the local coffee shop on a warm summer evening innocently admiring yourself in your favorite heavily tinted sunglasses as you wait for your decaf Mocha Frappuccino. All goes accordingly and suspiciously well, perhaps too well, as you head to the counter to pick up your drink. Suddenly, you find yourself in a crisis situation as things take a dramatic turn for the worse. After receiving your overpriced drink, you are shocked to see the dispenser is completely out of bendy straws with no employee in sight (who is willing to refill it).

The realization of having to drink a Frappuccino strawless triggers a nervous reaction causing an intense itch in the small of your back. The panic builds and hyperventilation starts, setting off some serious high-pitched nasal whistling blowing through your neglected untrimmed nose hairs. What do you do now? It's just you, a now useless Frappuccino, and those expensive sunglasses you spent a weeks salary on. No matter how cool they may look, those shades aren't going to bail you out of this one. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know what has to happen to remedy this dilemma. You simply are going to need a straw, a back scratcher and some nose hair scissors and you're going to need them ASAP! But where can these items be found on such short notice?

As your world collapses before you, you think to yourself; "Wow, I paid $400 for these trendy shades and all they do is give a false sense of importance and occasionally keep the sun out of my eyes... what a total rip off! If only my sunglasses had more to offer, maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament."

Those days are behind you now because someone has heard the voice of the people and bravely answered with Uber Shades. The Germany based company, Not-So-Bright Sunwear, has taken the Swiss Army Knife concept to a whole new realm in the form of eye-wear. These sporty sunglasses come in a variety of colors and styles while maintaining comfort despite the massive amount of hardware attached to them. They are certified 100% UV protected, polarized, rust resistant, as well as environmentally friendly. What really puts these glasses in a different league from others is the ability to be customized with over 263 tools and attachments, including a clever secondary sunglasses attachment in the event something should happen to the main pair. How's that for ingenuity and thinking outside the box?

Whether it's applying make-up in the car while driving to the mall or simply repairing a toilet flapper valve for your sister, Uber Shades has the tools to do it all with style and class. No task is too big and no problem too small for these sunglasses of the future. Uber Shades just may forever change how we view the world.

Our Guest Blogger, Rodd Miller, is an artist/designer who has worked in many different areas and jobs including Visual Development, Storyboard, Art Director, Designer, Animator. He has worked in the Animation industry for 11 years now and continue to paint and work on his own projects in his spare time. He is constantly coming up with novel invention ideas and wanted to share them with the readers at

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Feb 10, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Heh heh, love the idea. If

Heh heh, love the idea. If you could figure out a way to make them thinner and less heavy, I think you really got something here.

Feb 10, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

My question is why

My question is why sunglasses? Wouldn't you want something you would want to have around with you always.

Mmm, maybe a combo cell phone and utility set.

Feb 10, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)


I don't think I would want all those sharp objects that close to my eyes/face. Imagine the damage that could be done if you were to be in an accident while wearing these!

Feb 10, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Isn't this supposed to be a

Isn't this supposed to be a joke? I think its a pretty ridiculous concept and this the writer did a good job making it look real.

Feb 11, 2007
by bottleslingguy
bottleslingguy's picture

This definitely one-ups the

This definitely one-ups the OptiGrab invention from the Steve Martin movie "The Jerk".

You can find a more serious invention at Bottle Sling - Invention Gallery .

Feb 12, 2007
by JohnJohn (not verified)

Great job creating these.

Great job creating these. It fooled me until I looked more carefully at them.

Love the bendy straw. Nice touches made this pretty fun invetion.

Hey, inventors out here. Can you make me these. I'd totally buy them

Feb 12, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Um, if you can produce these

Um, if you can produce these things for $4 a pop, I think you'd be pretty successful in the gag gift market. Otherwise, no.

Feb 21, 2007
by Tashammer (not verified)


it would be rather nice to carry on with the development of the uber shades by adding additional kits contained in accessorised ear rings, perhaps a nice torc that could hold a mini-welding kit under the central jewel and with the gas cylinders being in the arms of the torc.

But one has to ask oneself is this a way that the Borg might come into being.

Maybe the Borg are just the ultimate accessory to the uber shades?

Mar 14, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Uber Shades

These may very well provide a plausible explanation for why some people get detached retinas.  The mystery is solved.