7 Inventive Ways To Go To Sleep

Our Guest Blogger Christian Hoopes is a freelance writer living in West Jordan, UT. His hobbies include poorly conceived home improvement projects, jogging, and jogging away from poorly conceived home improvement projects. He has two little dogs.

Here's the article he wrote for InventorSpot.com readers:

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Each night of your life it's the same routine: same boring bed, same boring pillow, same boring pattern of reducing alpha waves, generating theta waves, lowering EMG, entering delta sleep, and finally engaging in rapid eye movement. Aren't you sick of it?

Thanks to a few innovators, however, sleep doesn't have to be boring. In fact, when armed with the right accessories, it can be so exciting you'll regret having slept through it. You'll have to get a camcorder to record yourself sleeping just so you can watch it when you're awake and see how much fun you had.

Here are 7 Inventive Ways To Go To Sleep:

1. Chillow

We've all been there. We love the ‘cool' side of the pillow but as soon as we flip to it, all the coldness gets absorbed into our head and dissipates, leaving us to languish in a state of unreasonably warm pillowness until the other side cools down sufficiently. Until now, the only alternative was to build a multi-million dollar pillow-flipping robot who would lift your head off the pillow, flip the pillow, and lay you back down every 20 minutes or so, stopping only when he would need an oil change, which is every 2 hours.

But now the ‘Chillow' is here. Say goodbye to Flipbot 2000, say hello to cool, comfortable nights. The Chillow is a technological marvel on a magnitude of the combustion engine, or ESPN. Filled with a space-age blue gel, all you have to do is top it off with some water and the Chillow will do the rest. It's guaranteed to keep your head nice and cool all night long, and if your brain freezes and you die, they will return all your money, minus a 95% restocking fee. Thank you, Chillow!

2. Japanese Dream Machine

Tired of running away from Tommy Lee Jones for a crime you didn't commit every night? I know I am. Fortunately, the good people at Takara inc. have stepped up to the plate to make sure your dreams are nothing but sweet.

Called "Yumemi Kobo" which is Japanese for "dream workshop," the devise boasts the ability to influence the user's dreams. Armed to the teeth with an arsenal of speakers, a voice recorder, small lights, a picture frame, and even a fragrance dispenser, the Yumemi Kobo is designed to ‘determine' when you enter REM sleep (the stage of sleep at which dreaming occurs) and only activate accordingly.

So say you want to dream about, say, having a pirate adventure. You load up a picture of pirates cavorting about, you fill the fragrance dispenser with, what-rum? And you slowly drift off...only to be woken up by the smell of ocean funk, flashing strobe lights, and the pre-recorded sounds of clanging sword fighting. If you're at all able to get back to sleep, your dreams are almost certain to be those of being chased by a robot through a disco for music pirating.

3. Coffin Bed

Maybe you're a Goth who is into such things, maybe you think it would be interesting, and maybe you're just plan disturbing, but some people out there probably would enjoy the feeling of sleeping in a coffin. Thanks to the Casket Furniture company, the wait is over.

According to their site, this ‘long awaited' item can be yours for only a little over $4,000. While the rest of us suckers stretch out on queen-sized down mattresses, you'll be hunkered away, dreaming the dreams of angels, in a big wooden box that you can't roll over in and which might close on you and suffocate you to death. At least burial won't be a problem.

Disturbingly, their site also indicated ‘locks and latches' are available at an added price. Oh, thanks. How much to have it filled with flesh-eating bacteria, too?

Are you one of the 4 in 10 people in the United States who suffers from snoring? How often have you wondered when someone would invent a way to allow you to sleep silently while simultaneously looking like a massive dork wad?

Based on the scientific principle that you're 10% more likely to snore if you're sleeping on your back, the good people at some lame company or other got immediately to work and came up with Dr. Parker's Snore Relief Cusion.

Worn like a backpack, Dr. Parker's Snore Relief Cushion is basically just a foam pillow with rubber suspenders attached. Just sling the thing over your back and hope that your wife doesn't mind that you'll be going to bed looking like the bullies from shop class super glued part of a couch to you. Now, try to roll onto your back. You can't do it! Because there's a giant foam pillow preventing you. And if you're worried about safety concerns involving getting tangled up and choked to death by the rubber suspenders, rest assured that's only 60% likely to happen. Sure, the company likes to claim that the product is 100% safe, but can you really trust people who don't mind looking like this guy.

5. Stylin Sleep Mask

This isn't your grandma's sleep mask. You're an active young woman. You have responsibilities, places to go, people to see. You deserve a sleep mask that says "I'm unique! I designed my own sleep mask!"

Fortunately, you no longer have to be style-deprived while unconscious anymore. Now you can look your best for all the people who we can only assume must stare at you when you sleep, where they will no doubt be incredibly impressed with your amazing skills.

Complete with a piece of ‘self-adhesive' black felt, a hot glue gun, some satin, and a smorgasbord of decorations including ‘sequins' and ‘glittery puff paint,' you too can sleep like Liberace with the help of a Stylin' Sleep Mask from Familyfun.com. And what's more, designing the mask is only half the fun-the other half is wearing it! While you're asleep!

6. Floating Bed

Who hasn't dreamed of sleeping on a bed that floats in mid-air? I haven't, but I'm sure someone has. And in fact, someone did, or we wouldn't have the $1.5 million dollar magnetic floating bed.

Tethered down with 4 cables to prevent your bed from floating out and taking a spin on I-94, the bottom of the mattress is covered with enough magnets to keep almost 2,000 pounds floating in the air.

Though there would be no technical application of this bed other than to just look incredibly cool, I pledge it's the first thing I will buy as soon as I acquire either $1.5 million dollars or 1.5 million fridge magnets, whichever comes first. (via Gozmodo)

7. Sleep Analysis Doll

Sure, it seemed like you slept OK, but how will you know for sure? Short of talking to a horrifying sleep analysis doll, you'd have no way of knowing, which means it's a good thing that just such a doll is now available on the market.

With its 6 sensors and vocabulary of 1200 different sentences, the doll is capable of determining a user's sleep patterns and then badgering you when you don't stick to said sleeping patterns. So that night that you have insomnia because you're nervous about an important project at work will be made even more fun with a disturbing doll berating you for not being asleep. Good times. And a normal person would buy this why?

Jul 18, 2006
by Arwyn (not verified)

good stuff

i like this, is it copywrited or cxan i publish it?

Jul 18, 2006
by Michelle
Michelle's picture

Everything Here is Copyrighted!!

Thanks for liking the article, but almost everything we publish is original copyrighted content by very hardworking writers.

To help us continue attracting great writers, and support our efforts to create great stuff, we would appreciate your helping spread the word about our site and providing a link to our articles.

Thanks so much.

AmericanInventorSpot.com Team

Jul 18, 2006
by hb (not verified)

magnetic bed

The magnetic bed, Prinses Leila is included? And be aware, it's a Dutch invention.

Jul 19, 2006
by Big Fan! (not verified)

Very Funny!

I just wanted to say...This is a very comically talented writer! I laughed out loud several times reading it...Way to go!!

Jul 27, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

coffin beds

i have a bed not unlike the coffin bed shown and it is a very comfortable place to sleep although it is constricting

Jul 27, 2006
by Michelle
Michelle's picture

Just curious?

Why did you want to have a bed in the shape of a coffin?

Jul 28, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Coffin bed...

is the best way to attain a "deep sleep".

Jul 28, 2006
by Anonymous Grim Reaper (not verified)

The coffin bed is perfect.....

...for people who are gravely ill.

Jul 29, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

sleep analysis doll

i love this article, i can see that the doll would help you by telling that you are awake (just in case you forgot)and by talking to you when you are trying to sleep.
i'm suprised i don't know anyone who has one.

Oct 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)


What do you lot have against coffin beds? They're comfy, they're climatised and are so easy to sleep in.

Also is it not fun to be different?

You people have got to learn that your ways aren't the only ways. People do different things all over the place so why not get out of your enclosed worlds and explore.

Oct 4, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Anonymous "You people..."

You sound so intent on criticizing "you people" that you don't seem to have read or understood the content of the article or some of the comments. For example, another "Anonymous" wrote that "the coffin bed...is a very comfortable place to sleep....". Moreover, you stated that "you people" need to "get out of your enclosed worlds". Is not "worlds" plural and does it not imply that "you people" are NOT in their own little "world"?????? Last, but not least, I might mention that "you people" happens to include some of the most adventurous people: our astronauts and guest passengers. We don't just explore our world, we explore out of this world as well.

Perhaps you might want to explore your own thoughts?


PS I happen to believe that we (i.e., "you people", and "you and other people") are all one world, despite our differences of opinion.

Mar 23, 2007
by Maria (not verified)

I loved this article. I

I loved this article.

I laughed the entire time.

The author has a great sense of humor Cool

Sep 6, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

CooL cOOl!!

I like the floating bed one. . I am sooo getting one when I become a billionare!!! Bwahahahahaha!! The coffin bed was cReEpY^^ anD I want to buy one of those sleep analysis doll for me too!!. . .But where can I gat it though???

CooL cOOL!!!

Jan 26, 2008
by Raven (not verified)

I Love The Coffin Bed!

Have You Ever Tried It? It's Very Nice!

Mar 3, 2008
by Anonymous


I like the coffin bed and the Japanese sleep dreamer thing. Also the magnetic bed- unfortunately - its expensive. And I rather spend my money on things that won't deteoriate much in monetary value. - I love it and wish it were sold at a more affordable price.

Love, Charity

Apr 8, 2008
by Anonymous

the coffin bed is creepy why

the coffin bed is creepy why would you slepp in that when there made 4 dead people scary thought just thinking about it

Apr 15, 2008
by Anonymous

Floating Bed

The floating bed is awesome, I didnt even know such a thing existed but why not. Id totallly want to buy it .

May 29, 2008
by Anonymous

all of this

this is all stupid.i wouldn;t buy any of it.

Jul 29, 2008
by Anonymous

ahh, Raven?

You Don't Need To Capatalize Every Word....and, uh, if you like back problems, then be my guest...I think I'll stick to my futon, thanks. o_O

Aug 11, 2008
by Anonymous


as long as there is light in the room I am having troubel sleeping, so a coffin would be my dream bed the only moderation I would do to it, was to let there me enough oxygen for me to close it and still be able to breath

Oct 21, 2008
by Anonymous

Nice Writing

Either I was really tired or just in a really good mood, but I could hardly stop laughing as I read this article. It was hilarious! Great writing...