Our Guest Blogger Christian Hoopes is a freelance writer living in West Jordan, UT. His hobbies include poorly conceived home improvement projects, jogging, and jogging away from poorly conceived home improvement projects. He has two little dogs.
Here's the article he wrote for InventorSpot.com readers:
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Each night of your life it's the same routine: same boring bed, same boring pillow, same boring pattern of reducing alpha waves, generating theta waves, lowering EMG, entering delta sleep, and finally engaging in rapid eye movement. Aren't you sick of it?
Thanks to a few innovators, however, sleep doesn't have to be boring. In fact, when armed with the right accessories, it can be so exciting you'll regret having slept through it. You'll have to get a camcorder to record yourself sleeping just so you can watch it when you're awake and see how much fun you had.
Here are 7 Inventive Ways To Go To Sleep:
We've all been there. We love the ‘cool' side of the pillow but as soon as we flip to it, all the coldness gets absorbed into our head and dissipates, leaving us to languish in a state of unreasonably warm pillowness until the other side cools down sufficiently. Until now, the only alternative was to build a multi-million dollar pillow-flipping robot who would lift your head off the pillow, flip the pillow, and lay you back down every 20 minutes or so, stopping only when he would need an oil change, which is every 2 hours.
But now the ‘Chillow' is here. Say goodbye to Flipbot 2000, say hello to cool, comfortable nights. The Chillow is a technological marvel on a magnitude of the combustion engine, or ESPN. Filled with a space-age blue gel, all you have to do is top it off with some water and the Chillow will do the rest. It's guaranteed to keep your head nice and cool all night long, and if your brain freezes and you die, they will return all your money, minus a 95% restocking fee. Thank you, Chillow!
2. Japanese Dream Machine
Tired of running away from Tommy Lee Jones for a crime you didn't commit every night? I know I am. Fortunately, the good people at Takara inc. have stepped up to the plate to make sure your dreams are nothing but sweet. Called "Yumemi Kobo" which is Japanese for "dream workshop," the devise boasts the ability to influence the user's dreams. Armed to the teeth with an arsenal of speakers, a voice recorder, small lights, a picture frame, and even a fragrance dispenser, the Yumemi Kobo is designed to ‘determine' when you enter REM sleep (the stage of sleep at which dreaming occurs) and only activate accordingly.
So say you want to dream about, say, having a pirate adventure. You load up a picture of pirates cavorting about, you fill the fragrance dispenser with, what-rum? And you slowly drift off...only to be woken up by the smell of ocean funk, flashing strobe lights, and the pre-recorded sounds of clanging sword fighting. If you're at all able to get back to sleep, your dreams are almost certain to be those of being chased by a robot through a disco for music pirating.
3. Coffin Bed
Maybe you're a Goth who is into such things, maybe you think it would be interesting, and maybe you're just plan disturbing, but some people out there probably would enjoy the feeling of sleeping in a coffin. Thanks to the Casket Furniture company, the wait is over.
According to their site, this ‘long awaited' item can be yours for only a little over $4,000. While the rest of us suckers stretch out on queen-sized down mattresses, you'll be hunkered away, dreaming the dreams of angels, in a big wooden box that you can't roll over in and which might close on you and suffocate you to death. At least burial won't be a problem.
Disturbingly, their site also indicated ‘locks and latches' are available at an added price. Oh, thanks. How much to have it filled with flesh-eating bacteria, too?
4. Snore Backpack
Are you one of the 4 in 10 people in the United States who suffers from snoring? How often have you wondered when someone would invent a way to allow you to sleep silently while simultaneously looking like a massive dork wad?
Based on the scientific principle that you're 10% more likely to snore if you're sleeping on your back, the good people at some lame company or other got immediately to work and came up with Dr. Parker's Snore Relief Cusion.
Worn like a backpack, Dr. Parker's Snore Relief Cushion is basically just a foam pillow with rubber suspenders attached. Just sling the thing over your back and hope that your wife doesn't mind that you'll be going to bed looking like the bullies from shop class super glued part of a couch to you. Now, try to roll onto your back. You can't do it! Because there's a giant foam pillow preventing you. And if you're worried about safety concerns involving getting tangled up and choked to death by the rubber suspenders, rest assured that's only 60% likely to happen. Sure, the company likes to claim that the product is 100% safe, but can you really trust people who don't mind looking like this guy.
5. Stylin Sleep Mask
This isn't your grandma's sleep mask. You're an active young woman. You have responsibilities, places to go, people to see. You deserve a sleep mask that says "I'm unique! I designed my own sleep mask!"
Fortunately, you no longer have to be style-deprived while unconscious anymore. Now you can look your best for all the people who we can only assume must stare at you when you sleep, where they will no doubt be incredibly impressed with your amazing skills.
Complete with a piece of ‘self-adhesive' black felt, a hot glue gun, some satin, and a smorgasbord of decorations including ‘sequins' and ‘glittery puff paint,' you too can sleep like Liberace with the help of a Stylin' Sleep Mask from Familyfun.com. And what's more, designing the mask is only half the fun-the other half is wearing it! While you're asleep!
6. Floating Bed
Who hasn't dreamed of sleeping on a bed that floats in mid-air? I haven't, but I'm sure someone has. And in fact, someone did, or we wouldn't have the $1.5 million dollar magnetic floating bed.
Tethered down with 4 cables to prevent your bed from floating out and taking a spin on I-94, the bottom of the mattress is covered with enough magnets to keep almost 2,000 pounds floating in the air.
Though there would be no technical application of this bed other than to just look incredibly cool, I pledge it's the first thing I will buy as soon as I acquire either $1.5 million dollars or 1.5 million fridge magnets, whichever comes first. (via Gozmodo)
7. Sleep Analysis Doll
Sure, it seemed like you slept OK, but how will you know for sure? Short of talking to a horrifying sleep analysis doll, you'd have no way of knowing, which means it's a good thing that just such a doll is now available on the market.
With its 6 sensors and vocabulary of 1200 different sentences, the doll is capable of determining a user's sleep patterns and then badgering you when you don't stick to said sleeping patterns. So that night that you have insomnia because you're nervous about an important project at work will be made even more fun with a disturbing doll berating you for not being asleep. Good times. And a normal person would buy this why?