In anticipation of the imminent arrival of my favorite holiday, I decided to dedicate this entire month to writing about Halloween. One thing I enjoy about Halloween is the celebration of death and the macabre. I love a bit of gore now and then.
To prepare for my articles, I started canvassing through the typical "Halloween" stuff. But along the way, I got distracted by all the cool looking coffins I found.
You can learn a lot about life from almost anything if you open yourself up to what they can teach us. Being brilliant, I came up with the idea that coffins can offer up some valuable lessons about life. Being lazy, I decided to scrap the Halloween idea in favor of writing about some cool coffins that I already found.
So here is my collection of coffins and what I think they tell you about life:
Life Lesson 10: Life is Simple, So Keep It That Way
Environ Continental Eco-Coffin
It's easy to get distracted from what is important in life. Society keeps telling you that the silly things like a bigger house, a nicer car or a hair on your head will make you happier. Don't fall for it.
The keys to happiness are pretty simple. Happiness for me is a good night's sleep, some delicious food, steamy sex with my lady, a nice big cr@p that fills the bowl, and a long hot shower ... not necessarily in that order. Find the things in life that work for you and don't get distracted by all the background noise of other people telling you what you should do, especially by some idiot writing about coffins. (coffin here)
Life Lesson 9: If You Have To Do Something, Do It With Style
Gold Leaf EcoPod Coffin
In life, you are going to have to do things you don't really want to do, like die.
If you have to do something and there is no way to avoid it, you should try to find a way to do it with style. In your life, try to do things so that your taste and values shine through.
For example, if you are dead, you might as well house your body in something that screams "YOU". Perhaps this gold lame coffin has your name all over it? If not this, then what? If it was my coffin, I'd probably have it look like a tasty hot dog with chili and extra onions on it. Mmmm... (coffin here)
Life Lesson 8: Try to Prepare Yourself for the Obvious
Combination Window Seat and Coffin
Some things in life are so obvious, like the fact that you will drop dead at some point. With luck, it won't be in some compromising position at the toilet at a Wal-Mart or tied up at some dirty motel.
We spend so much time avoiding the hard facts in our lives. It's much more productive to invest the energy you would spend avoiding unpleasant things to preparing for them. If you stop denying that bad things happen and just start facing their inevitability, you may be able to find a clever way to take advantage of the things that are going to happen in your life.
For example, if you buy a coffin window seat, then you can use it throughout your life to take off your shoes. At the same time, you will have a handy place to store a dead body if you ever kill anyone. Now you're really thinking ahead! Think of all the ways your life would be better if you just planned ahead. (coffin here)
Life Lesson 7: Entertain the Idea of Changing Your Life if You Don't Like It
Convertible Entertainment Center Coffin
If your life generally sucks, find ways to entertain yourself and to laugh at life. If that does not work and you still don't like your life, then change it.
Take this funky looking coffin that turns into an entertainment center as a source of inspiration. It's a coffin. Just turn a few screws and voila, it's an entertainment center. All it took was some hard work and a screwdriver.
Imagine what your life could be like if you just turned a few screws, or loosened some of the ones you have screwed in so tightly. (coffin here)
So find a screwdriver and fix the loose screws in your life. Make it your mission to go find something to screw! (snicker)
Life Lesson 6: Accept That Life is Not Always a Picnic
The source for much of the dissatisfaction we face in our lives stems from our unrealistic expectations of life.
If you thought you were going to become a billionaire by sleeping in late or look like Brad Pitt by not shaving, you are going to be disappointed.
Curved Willow Basket Coffin
If you don't expect life to be a picnic, you won't be unhappy when it isn't. You may be a bit bitter, but not bitterly unhappy. Hey, no one is going to fill up your picnic basket with tasty goodies for free. Face the reality!
You shouldn't stop hoping someone invites you to a great picnic, especially if you're a really hot chick in a short skirt. However, you're likely to be a lot happier if you go buy yourself a burger instead of waiting for that invitation and slowly starving to death. (coffin here)
Life Lesson 5: Make Time for Adventure in Your Life
Motorcyle Trailer Coffin
It's important to take risks in life. If you never stretch yourself to try new things or have enough fun, you will have missed out on all the thrilling adventures life has to offer. If a hot girl invites you over, say yes no matter what.
Don't be the person who only gets to ride a motorcycle after they are dead. If you are wondering what its like to feel a motor between your legs, try to do it before it's too late.
Make sure that if you are buried in a motorcycle coffin, it's because you loved riding your motorcycle and not because you never got to and always wanted to. (coffin here)
Life Lesson 4: Try to Keep on the Sunny Side of Life
Bright Yellow Blooms Coffin
There seems to be two types of people in the world: those who try to enjoy life and those who just like to complain about it. (Well, there are more than two types but I am trying to make an important point here.)
I believe happiness is a choice you make in almost every situation. Granted, you can't be happy all the time (otherwise you'd be certifiable nutjob). But, I do think that when there are moments that you can take pleasure and feel happiness, you should try to do so.
For example, you will probably find yourself feeling better if you decide to stare at a bunch of daisies (or better yet, Daisy Fuentes) rather than a bloated corpse at the funeral. So choose happy, not sad. (coffin here)
Life Lesson 3: Understand That It's Good To Be Different
Sleek German Designed Coffin
There is too much conformity in the world. Being the same as everyone else is not always a good thing. So when you can and when you feel the desire, don't be afraid to be a little different.
For example, rather than choosing a boring mahogany coffin with brass handles to hold your body, perhaps you should go for the sleek, sexy look of a German designed coffin? The renowned German engineering may help bring you that much closer to heaven. (coffin here via Born Rich)
I can see myself in this thing because it looks a bit like a great piece of rich chocolate candy...but then almost everything looks like food to me. Things used to remind me of a woman's curves, but I'm older and wiser now.
Life Lesson 2: Don't Fight Your True Nature
Shelves That Are Meant To Be A Coffin
Don't fight who you are. Even if you try to hide it, people can see right through you and see what you really are. So, learn to be happy with yourself and acknowledge both your unique strengths and weaknesses.
If you're a coffin, don't try to be a bookshelf all your life. It's better to be a great coffin then a half useless bookshelf. Be proud of what you are and let everyone deal with you as you are. (coffin here )
Life Lesson 1: Appreciate That Life is Fleeting and It Goes Quickly
Life is fleeting and temporary. You are only on this earth for a very short period of time. Make sure you enjoy it's many pleasures and treasures.
If you haven't felt the wind whipping in your car window when you are speeding down a straight road, slow down and savor it. If you haven't felt the pleasure of drinking a crisp cold beer in an iced glass, forget it. It's too late, your life has been a waster and you're practically dead already.
Understand that like this cardboard coffin, you will surely fade and disintegrate with time, so whoop it up while you still can.
For me, I always go for that extra piece of fried chicken and a hot fudge sundae whenever I can. Take what you love and enjoy it now, as it may not be there tomorrow. (coffin here)
So, from these interesting coffins, I hope you agree that you can learn a lot about life in death or at least from an accessory to death.
I realize this is not quite the normal Halloween fare. But, I came up with a pretty good list, don't you think? Have I missed any key ones? What are some of the most important things you've learned about life?
I'll write about the sick Halloween stuff next time.
Amused and Bemused
P.S. If you want to see some more cool environmentally friendly coffins, check out 8 Innovative and Environmentally Friendly Burial Options.