10 Types of MEN You Need to Avoid

Dating? Looking for a new relationship?

Well, have I got some great dating advice for you.

As my readers already know, I recently wrote an article on 10 Types of Women to Avoid that got me in a lot of hot water. "Misogynist", "pig", and "@$$hole" were some of the kinder labels some readers gave me. Well, those comments annoyed me as I thought them unfair since I am an all around great guy. Really.

After going into hiding, avoiding the small controversy that erupted at various sites, I am now back and ready for the next round of outrage. Frankly, I thought my article was brilliant and I am not going to be silenced by all the stupid femiNazis out there. I figure if you didn't like the article, it was probably cuz it was talking about you!

Well, I had committed in the Women to Avoid article that I would write about Men to Avoid. I really regretted suggesting I would do that as it was almost impossible to find male dolls that were not "adult", and I really did not enjoy looking at all the stupid looking adult male dolls (...and yes, I may someday do an article on them if I can get it through our censors). It only took me about a week of scouring the net to finally realize that dolls for men are called "action figures". Duh!

So here's my dating advice on the 10 Types of Men You Need to Avoid, as highlighted by dolls, I mean male action figures:

10. Men Who Are Always Pissing On Everything:

You know the type; for him nothing you do is good enough. You're too stupid, you're too fat, you're too mouthy. Well, the truth is the guy is an idiot trained from birth from his Neanderthal dad to piss all over you and everything you do. Avoid him like you would a pounding headache.


9. Men Who Are Damaged and Like It:

He's the guy that seems so sensitive and caring when you first meet. He's able to share with you the heartbreak of a broken relationship. You only find out after a few more encounters that he's still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone over ten years ago.

You slowly realize that he's not so much heartbroken but already committed to never caring about someone again. No matter how much time you spend together, you can never get through. Face it, you never will. The padding around his heart (and his skull) is so thick a neutron bomb won't pierce through it. So give up and get going. He's like a drippy faucet that slowly wears you down with false hope until you just want to smash it.

 


8. Men Who Love Sports Way Too Much:

There's a fine line between a great guy who loves sports and the raging maniac that loves sports way too much. How can you love sports TOO much? men would ask in befuddlement. For most women, it's obvious. A guy loves sport too much when they would rather watch a game than spend time with you.

I realize that ALL men fall into this category after several months of knowing you, but they will occasionally submit their whipped butts to taking you out or holding your purse as you shop, just to stop your fussing. But the sport fanatic won't care that the house is falling apart, that the baby is crying or that you haven't been out of the house in 4 months. All he'll want is a beer, a TV and "some peace". They are hard to tell apart from the normal healthy male but look out for the signs of obsession, or you'll be stuck watching every lame game the sports channel has to offer and feeding his burping buddies as your friends go out to dinner and to see the hottest new movie every weekend.


7. Men Who Thinks He Knows You:

These are the guys who think they are Freud. They spend all their time thinking and little time actually doing anything constructive. They have put a big label on you after one date and a night of conversation.

He's the guy who sits there watching you, with that stupid smug "I knew it" look on his hound dog face. He's clearly thinking that by putting a label on you, he has you all figured out and knows just what to do to fix you. He looks at you as if you were some broken piece of pottery he's going to glue back together.

What's sad is that he still can't figure out how to get someone to actually like him, so how is he going to fix you?

6. Men Who Are Prettier Than You:

It's one thing to date a sexy honey who looks like Brad Pitt, it's quite another story to be with someone who makes you feel like a manly cow just by standing next to him. You know the type, don't you? He's the "metro man" who spends more time fluffing his hair just so and takes more time doing it than you would spend painting a barn door.

Ladies, the secret to feeling pretty and feminine is to never date a man that's more beautiful than you and more delicate than you. So stop feeling like the turd that's drying out in the sun, and dump the whiny narcissist.


5. Men Who Think They Are Better Than You:

Have you met him? He's all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. He has a laser sharp tongue and can shred anything in sight until it lies in tatters in front of him.

This cold dead fish is unable to break into a smile for fear of splitting his face. He simply takes comfort in feeling that he is better than everybody else. After spending enough time with this guy, you will grow to despise the human race as he does, and crawl around feeling unworthy. Throw him away like you would a mold-filled potato. (See doll here.)

 

4. Men Who Are Way Too Paranoid:


Something about these green-eyed goblins drives them to think you are cheating, even when you are with them.

They are the ones who seem so confident at first, flirting with you and attracted to your ability to flirt back. You date them and find they really don't like your clothes (too revealing), your car (too flashy), your friends (sluts), your family (too nosy), your job (too demanding), until you wake up one day to find the only thing you have left in your life is a miserable paranoid weird violent man who can't stand you out of his sight but can't stand the sight of you. He needs you to have nothing in your life but him, and you will have nothing unless you wake up and get out. 

3. Men Who Refuse to Grow Up:

Well, my opinionated wife says that if you need to avoid all men who are children, there would be no men to date. Haha. Not funny.

I mean other than the normal guy who wants to have his ego stroked constantly and only do what he wants to do , there are those guys who really are babies. Selfish, spoiled, useless little boys who don't understand the concept of responsibility or self-respect.

These men are the ones who can't keep a job, who blame everyone else for their own stupidity and laziness, who are constantly outraged that the world is not giving them the respect they deserve. Clueless, they never realize that they are in fact, getting the respect they truly deserve. Hanging around with this type of loser is like having 10 screaming kids hanging on your legs, asking for ice cream when you can't pay for bread. Lock the doors, throw away his book of excuses and get a spine. Avoid him like you would a ...blood sucking leech.


2. Men Who Think Only With Their Sticks:

Well, as we well know, the streets to the courthouse are littered with broken marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not their brains. They see something they want to poke and it does not matter if they have Halle Berry, Christy Brinkley or Pam Anderson, and their 2 kids, 3 dogs, and 4 fishes waiting at home. These men will do what they know they shouldn't do, go get the forbidden poke.

It does not matter that you are the hottest thing since freshly baked pie, a man like this is going to give you a few diseases and mess up publicly right when you are being voted "Happiest Couple" at the Lodge. You know he's the type to cheat as that's how you got him from his first wife. Know that you got a weasel in your arms, and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.(See doll here.)


1. Men Who Are Cruel:

Simply put, there are certain men who are monsters hiding behind a thin veneer of charm and sanity.

There is nothing in the world as ugly or as damaging as a cruel man. For some reason, there are men out there who take only joy in seeing someone in pain (I don't mean like in a dull headache kind of pain - I mean like a big kick in the nuts pain).

People say that it's a power thing, but I know it's a sickness thing. It's sick to be you if you are with someone like him.

Don't be distracted by the sexy grin or the bulging pecs (or bulging other stuff) on the outside. Look at the inside. Fire is beautiful but it hurts when you get burned. Stay away from these creeps as if your life depended on it, as it surely does. (See doll here.)

I hope everyone is satisfied now that I have fully shared my years of wisdom with both the men and women in the world who need some real advice about dating and relationships.

Can we now stop the name calling? I am not a sexist pig. I like to think of myself more as an astute observer who realizes that all women are royal pains in the @$$.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Many of the links to the dolls referenced in this article are no longer working and have been removed.

Some of the sites we link to are affiliates. We may earn a small commission if you use our links.
Comments
Sep 27, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

o_O..ya i read both

o_O..ya i read both articles...i just want to point out this irony...you claimed that "all women are royal pain in the butt" and said "my opinionated wife..." I mean seriously, you called yourself a writer of a "brilliant" article, but didn't warn us about you being a hypocrite. But whatever. Instead of thinking of myself as a femiNazi I like to think of myself more as an astute observer who realizes that some (note how i used the term "some"..very realistic and not judgemental at all) men need to spend more time at a psychiatrist's clinic than in front of a computer screen typing nonsense. And no...don't think im sayin this because im one of dose women you've pointed out, cuz im still haven't reached adulthood (so how cud i b a woman? ..you can tell by da way i write...don't worry, although the grammar may not be admirable, i think the context is great.)

Oct 16, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Wow

Excellent commentary. Definately worth the read - looks like I've got some 'me work' to do! Thanks for the insight.

Oct 16, 2006
by Anonymous (not verified)

Wow

Excellent commentary. Definately worth the read - looks like I've got some 'me work' to do! Thanks for the insight.

Nov 5, 2006
by JackiJinx (not verified)

If you had just written the

If you had just written the first article, I would've laughed my ass off just the same. This one makes me think you're going a little hard on the guys actually. I must be against my sex =o

May 20, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Made alot of sense

You made alot of sense to me with both articles. I think anyone who takes offense to either are simply too emo. lol Or, like you said, they do not wish to acknowledge the fact that it describes them perfectly. With the pretty boy thing, I believe that women should stay away from them anyways... They are most likely gay and using you as a cover-up for it or they chose not to come out of the closet. hahah.

The one thing you missed on here, though, that I was disappointed.... was that you forgot the number one BIGGEST problem. Mommy's boys and Daddy's girls. They are looking for a replacement Mom or Dad, and not interested in a real romantic relationship. They want you to feed them, cloth them, take care of them. Nagging and nagging and letting you do all the work.

Than there is the problem of the constant debatist.. He's all into politics and if you try and talk to him about it, he'll get all pissed off because you do not think the same way as he does. Whom also is surprised when you get upset because he said something extremely mean..

There's soooo many to watch out for, with both genders. And they both are inclined to do the same as the other. It's unfair to say that one does this and the other doesn't.

The guy who wants to talk sex all the time...... but can't actually do it. XD

I'm going to stop now. I am boring you with all my blabbering. I hope you have a good day, and don't worry about the a-holes who take offense by this. I've gotten so many death threats and hate emails, myself, that I've accustomed myself to simply deleting them.Cool

May 21, 2007
by Mikey (not verified)

Interesting...

After reading through some comments, I think it's hilarious how there's next to no complaining from men about this article, but that a lot of women got their panties in a bunch over the "10 Women" article. Fun times.

Jul 25, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

So for all the women out

So for all the women out there, if you avoid all these kinds of men, well, you will just have to settle for another women then. Good luck.

Jul 25, 2007
by Anonymo (not verified)

Men usually fall into one of

Men usually fall into one of the ten categories listed above. Its sad, but true. So basically women would have to avoid all those men. If thats the case then  what are women left with? Gay men? or perhaps just go lesbian like most college girls do on repetative failed relationships?  You decide.

Jul 31, 2007
by Ivelisse Marie (not verified)

100%

I read both your articles on the women and men that one should avoid when dating. BOTH are brilliant!! I couldn't agree more with you. I am a woman who can easily tell when someone is being sexist, but i would have to strongly disagree with anyone who says that you are being sexist. you are stating pure fact, and you are not making derogatory statements. I want to thank you for writing your articles, because when it comes to dating I definitely could use advice when trying to figure out who I should keep around and who I shouldn't. Thank You.LaughingTongue out

Aug 4, 2007
by Anonymous (not verified)

Very funny :)

Your article about men to avoid rings so true concerning several guys on my campus and in my life. I'm actually glad you did make that other side to it so I can avoid any of those mistakes at all costs. I love the dolls, they're really funny.

Sep 7, 2007
by Razza Bazza (not verified)

It's very worldly wise...

I'm number 9 so i relate to your article. All the chicks leave me cos i'm 'damaged'. =P

Nov 30, 2007
by Sue in So. Cal (not verified)

I'm impressed!

OK, not a bad read, even with the sexist remarks.

Geezzzz..I think I've actually DATED two of these guys, and MARRIED another....

Thanks for the validation, thanks a lot.

Jan 14, 2008
by Shreela (not verified)

Some men are nice

There are lots of men who dont fall into any of these categories..thank God.

Wy do I have to add 15 and 2 say this?

Jun 15, 2008
by Anonymous

new ideas for your next blog

10 inventive ways to get revenge on a boy/girlfriend
10 ways to turn down someone
10 wedding songs to avoid like the plague
10 ways to get out of doing the dishes/ironing
10 pick up lines that will never work, don't try them
10 dresses the women will wear to make men leer

good luck with you next post!!!! :)

Aug 21, 2008
by Anonymous

Bloody Fing Brilliant

I wrote something similar about 2 years ago... sort of a personal composite of all the men I've dated. It was 40 pages. haha. Way to sum up everything for me in just 2.

Oct 15, 2008
by Anonymous

what about you?

can we know what type a person you are and your husband? or you didnt put your self in the list?

Oct 15, 2008
by Anonymous

none is perfect! we are trying to be.

We all need to be completed as human beings, some they are, some there not and if you think you are the one completed then give it a try to make others complete (husbands/wifes/lovers) and of course if they dont change to the right direction.. put your foot down and stop it!

Nov 8, 2008
by Anonymous

Spot On!!

My ex is about 4 of them - he pissed on everything about me, he was paranoid, he had never grown up (Still lives with his parents at 36) he had a teenage boy sexuality (though was never unfaithful to my knowledge) and he had a cruel streak throughout and was unspeakably cruel to me at the end, finalising our breakup by text while I was working abroad for a few weeks, and we had been together 2 years. He never wanted to see me again. Nasty.

You'd think that since I was the only woman who had ever looked at him he would have been a bit more respectful but nope. Ladies - if a man is 34, jobless, lives with his parents and has never had a girlfriend be very afraid and possibly run for your life!!

Thanks for a great article!
Jenny, UK xx

Jan 16, 2009
by Anonymous

maybe I don't deserve love

so should the men who fit these categories not deserve someone? or should they just forget about love all together?